Life of Steven - New Diary

Evening Steven. 
Been a good day for me today. For once I’ve been able to watch racing and not throw silly money away gambling. No thoughts of going online too to have crazy spins. I’ve got a long journey and hoping to succeed. 
All best to ya. Hope ya wraps went down well 

Shaun 

Hi Steven! Great positive post. Keep up the good work xx 

Keep going with that positive thinking Steven you will get through this 🙂 

Pleased to see you getting your life back on track Steven.

Soon you will 1000 days gamble free and that is wonderful.

Sends out a great message to others.

Aum 

Thank you all for your kind comments ?

Good day today, feeling a bit energised for once!

now on day 998 gamble free days, 2 days to the big 1000!!!!

Average day really, done 2 loads of dishes and have the laundry going. GA tonight, be good to see others and hear how they are doing.

Trying to be more active, using my Apple watch to improve my calories/ steps. This weeks goal, burn 330 active calories each day! Been upping it by 10 a day per week.

Hope you are all good!

S x

So Day 1000 has now been achieved, as kindly pointed out in today's chatroom! So chuffed with myself, I didn;t think a month was possible when I started my recovery journey. 

Big thanks to all on here for their kind words and support over this time.

Keeping busy today, continuing with laundry (the end is now in sight!) and took stuff to the tip. Keeping busy is keeping my nerves at bay, as having a tooth extracted tomorrow with sedation, and the prospect makes me feel ill!

Corned beef hash for tea tonight, I'm turning into a mother am sure ><

Best Wishes all

S x

Awesome so pleased for you. Keep going as you are, what you're doing is working well !! Reading posts like yours inspires me and others to keep going . Best wishes for the tooth 

Dear @stevenh60,

Massive congrats on 1000 days, this is a massive achievement! It also sounds like your life has improved in so many ways over these past 1000 days, I am so pleased to read your contentment and pride in yourself.

Please keep sharing and keep up the excellent work.

All the very best,

Eva

Forum Admin

Many thanks for visiting my diary Steven. 

If ever looking for inspiration, I only need to look at the perfect example set by gamcare friends such as yourself.

Your 1013 days gamble free is magnificent. 

Respect to you from

Aum. 

Hello all,

Many apologies for not posting sooner, however I have had a couple of things happen over the last couple of weeks, and now just getting my head around them. I know this is a safe space to post, and any support from the Gamcare members would be greatly appreciated at this time.

Short version of the story is that in 2017 I was sacked from work, pending police investigation, committing theft using my position as a finance/ payroll worker to access funds for gambling. In November 2017, I had a voluntary interview where I admitted the charges but not the amounts, as we're looking between a 5 and 6 figure sum of money.

Nothing happened after that, until 3 weeks ago on mother's day. Police got into contact, and stated they wanted me to sign a consent form to have copies of my medical records, due to an autism diagnosis. So apparently I may or may not be charged at this point, depending on CPS's view whether it is in public interest. When asked about the delay in investigating, all we got was "the officer is snowed under!" Even though I know I need to face consequences, is it fair to wait 3.5 years, then spring it out of thin air? Especially when I admitted it straight away and it was a serious amount.

Nothing has occurred since then, I have spoken to my solicitor and he stated the length of time would mitigate any sentence. Also, I have requested all statements from bank and credit cards, along with gambling transaction history, my plan being to launch formal complaints against the gambling operators. One of the spreadsheets is 1100 A4 pages, so it shows how bad it can get!

I'm having up and down days over it, and sleep is intermittent. It's like it's brought it all back in my mind again, wondering what the outcome will be. 

I'll post more regularly from now on, probably a good way to record my thoughts if anything.

Best Wishes all

S x

Hi Stephen and thank you for a searingly honest post.  Irrespective of what has happened - and you have been upfront about this - there's no doubt that the way your case continues to linger the more torturous it is for you.

But the flip side here is that any judgement will take this into account, plus your medical diagnosis I'm sure.

This is a horrible, destructive habit as we all know and the good news is you are making every effort to steer away from it using a mixture of blocks, support and learning.  This is a complex addiction to tame and it needs all three of all three of these to succeed.

Keep on this path,Stephen; it's a good one and I hope that you get a little more peace of mind - and sleep! - in the knowledge that your actions are positive and atoning for the wrongs in your recent past. 

Keep posting, keep joining us for chat, keep onto this - it'll all be worth it. 

Good afternoon all, hope your having a good Sunday 🙂

Quick update to things. I'm a bit of a mixed bag today, and have been all week. Anxiety keeps rearing it's ugly head. No update with the police/ legal side as of yet, so guessing it's just a waiting game.

All my bank statements and gambling statements have arrived, need to start putting it together to form a full picture of what happened. No doubt it will be eye watering, but I intend to start complaint proceedings against the operators, for their part in it. 

Keep googling about things, like possible sentence, Proceeds of Crime Act etc. They say an autistic person can become very fixated on things, and this has been proven right! In a way it's my own punishment, like being imprisoned in my head.

Motivation for other stuff has waned, I want to be productive but can't.

S x

Appreciate your visiting my diary Steven.

Congratulations on 1032 days GF.

Many thanks young Steven for being a shining light

Inspiring friends on the diaries who've had a bit of a fright

Your honesty and courage are a pleasure to behold

Renouncing wheels of misery and balls on which they rolled

Troubles sadly haunt you

But time and tide move on

Be proud of your achievements

For now you do no wrong

Spring and summer invite you

To spread your wings and fly

Enjoy the wonder of living 

And don't let it all pass you by.

Respect to you Steven

From 

Aum ?

Hi all,

Aum - thanking you for such a lovely thought out poem. It made me a little emotional truthfully, and feel so happy that I have earned people's respect on here.

Nothing much really to report today, however I finally have a DWP work assessment, after waiting for a year, in a couple weeks time.

Need to be domesticated this week, have chores that need to be completed. No gambling thoughts thankfully, and another month paid off the DMP.

Best Wishes

S