Life With Sports Bets Only

Carla, Robby, Irene

Thanks so much for your posts, much appreciated.

No easy way to wipe the guilt and regret away. Used to spend nights not sleeping much after days losing thousands of pounds and the thought of yet another loan or other means of borrowing to keep myself going. Now spend some nights thinking that when I was 19 I thought I would only ever borrow money for a car and a mortgage. The £600,000 of my own money I've lost is bad enough but thats not on my mind. Neither is the money borrowed from loans and credit cards. Arrangements with the banks and loan companies I can handle. The fact that I borrowed money under false pretences from people who knew and trusted me and that I stole money from family to feed my addiction, these are the areas I cant stop thinking about at the moment. Can I ever convince people that was the addiction controlling me and not the real me? Sadly I think my character will always be blotted in those respects. I can only say these things will never happen again and I am back where I was as a 19 year old - I will only ever borrow money on a car from now on, plus keep paying and maybe one day pay off my mortgage if I live long enough and am granted long enough to pay everything else off.

Hi Captain,

Firstly well done on continued abstinence a massive achievement in itself. I always said I never want the ones I love to understand my illness as it must mean they have it, maybe worse or not as bad. The most unselfish thing you can do is not to hope people understand if that makes sense. I too have that massive pang of guilt and also feel that if a tenner went missing somewhere, I would be prime suspect. Even if money went missing I would probably feel guilty like everytime I see a policeman!

The thing is, the recovery is for you. By recovering and staying away from the b'stard bookies, others WILL benefit, they will see the real you. I remember my wife saying all she wants is her real husband back, unfortunately he isn't here yet - but he will be.

In life, unfortunately, some people get pleasure in putting you down no matter what - my philosophy is f*k them, you are the person that suffered most.

You take care, chin up, shoulders back, you are doing great!

Take Care

Blues

Thanks for the encouraging post Blues.

Dont want others to have this illness but good to see a number of new users on here in the last week who all seem to be fairly young so at least they trying to arrest it early. Some good conversation between them as well and strikes me they may well benefit jsut as much from exchanging information and experiences between themselves as opposed to receiving advice from older users like myself.

I have a question which I would like others views on. Like many gamblers I have never been great with money.

I have a list of how my £190000 debt breaks down and a priorty of how I repay those debts. However I have home maintenance/replacement which is badly needed and has been for years. Estimated cost £7000. After that maintenance I could live in the house till I die with nothing else major required to be replaced. The trouble is I dont know where to place spending £7000 versus paying back the debts. Guess at least I'm thinking rationally whereas before it would have been looking to win the £7000 in the bookies over a period of time like I did a few years ago to get a deposit for a car.

Unbelievable to read today about so many on here who have been on a while and have gambled recently.

Well this strengthens my determination and there's no way I'm going back to random gambling, I will be 6 months random free at the end of 2013.

Morning captain

Thanks for the post, with this addiction u just never know when it will hit u I honestly feel like I will never gamble again the reality is at some stage I probably will but its how we deal with it I can honestly say I would never go back full on to where I was not a chance but down the line a day may come out of the blue and for me that's when ur side comes in the control, I would love to try ur recovery but fear I am not strong enough as we av said b4 its a big part of our lives to fill and that buzz is gone but experience shows now and a level of acceptance isthere with what we are dealing with

Think I read once bout recovery been a five year plan and that sticks in my mind I'm now on 2 years and goin well but still dangers that lie ahead it is the understanding that's key and the only way we do that is over a lengthy period of time

Really pleased that ur recovery is goin well and thanks for sharing ur thoughts and views I always find them helpful

Castle2

Hello Captain it's your friend Jas.....do you remember me? I've not been on here for ages now but I always think of everyone I made friends with. I've only just read a couple of your most recent posts and it looks like your are doing good 🙂

I'm still paying my G debts and will be for some considerable time but having not G now for years those have not got any worse and there is improvement which I'm happy about. Sometimes my mind works overtime and I imagine how things would be if I hadn't become a CG but I quickly tell those thoughts to leave me alone so that I can concentrate on my future.........I can honestly say that I've got my grip on reality back.......yes I had to go back to work and it's been bl@@dy difficult but the thought of gambling my whole months wage in one hit these days is completely out of the question....in fact it's making me laugh at how rediculous my thought processes used to be.

Take care C and try doing some of that house maintenance work yourself!.......cheaper 😉

Your friend, Jas x

To Jas

absolutely fantastic to hear from you. Hoping you read this reply as it would take forever to try and find your diary on here. You were one of the first friends I made on here and you are on page one of my diary. I'm so pleased you are doing so well you deserve it. I hope your sister is also in recovery. Please check in and keep in touch, brought a big smile to my face when I read your post.

Like you I will never again blow a months wages in a day. It has been a long difficult process of recovery but I have got to the point I want to be at. You helped me and supported me a great deal and it's much appreciated.

Best wishes always

Captain

I will never say I am cured, for a compulsive gambler is never cured. But my current mindset is like never before. I can live without random gambling and I dont even bet so much on football now.

Over my 5 and a half years in recovery I have come across many people on this site. Some I count as friends, as much as they can be in a virtual communication. I have seen many people come and go, and many abstain from gambling for long periods of time. I have fallen in many previous attempts at abstinence but every day and every experience has been a step forward.

I have seen many fall and never return, and many fall and keep trying.

I could only get to my current position by breaking my gambling down into component parts amd stopping gambling on each part at the time which was right for me, where I could live without that part. Every time I have stopped a component part I have never gone back to it. Bit by bit I have abstained from all of the gambling which caused me problems.

I could never have just gone 'cold turkey' like some suggested. I couldnt have coped, it would have been a massive step back.

I am not being complacent as complacency is I believe my bigegst enemy. But I know I will not go back to any gambling which caused me a problem now. I will continue to bet on football and occasionaly some other sports from a hobby perspective only with no great impact on my finances and no compulsive behaviour and no chasing losses. But I can see the frequency on these reducing anyway. There were definitely times in the past I only bet on sport to chase losses.

Hi Captain,

Haven't been posting so much recently, but it was great to drop in and read this update from you yesterday. Of course, your approach is different to many on here, but I do respect the choices you're making and the obvious progress. Abstaining from gambling (whatever form that may be) is buying you space and clarity to understand things, and that an still be an example to people on here.

I'll admit I read your post and thought... 'Well hopefully he'll soon reach a point of complete abstinence'. Certainly, I hope you'll come to the conclusion that is a viable and happy resolution for you. But for now, I commend you for where you are today.

Best

D123

Away with work today and had some time on my hands in a city centre in between appointments. Did what I've always done for over 20 years in that circumstance - went into the bookmakers. Just habit. There was no chance of me browsing shops, just don't do that. From memory when I have gone to a bookmakers in a place away from home I have always won money.

Difference today was I didn't gamble. Just watched a few races. I can live without gambling in terms of placing bets and I can shake my head at the body language and comments of the punters. But I love the atmosphere in a bookmakers because it has been my place of escape and second home for years and where I have felt alive. Wonder if I will always have this affiliation or if it will wane over time.

Howdy,

My guess is that either one of two things will happen

- you'll remain on guard and it'll fade over time because of the reason you went there for so many years - I'm thinkin' it won't offer the excitement it used to

- you'll let down your guard and get sucked back in. I know you said that you won't become complacent but the likelihood you will is higher than that you won't due to human nature!

Despite so many addicts claiming they will not become complacent, they become complacent. Despite the claim in the advert, it does eventually get soggy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GezetIV54cI

Hey... just read back a few posts. About your question re the 7000 home maintenance thing.... could that be added to the overall debt (consolidated) so that it can be paid off over time? You say it's needed badly so what would the consequence be if it was left?

Going through so many different feelings at the moment. Last week it was guilt at impact I've had on others. This week it's more disbelief at the sheer stupidity of wasting huge sums of money for so many years. Just a hint of feeling the value of money there now which hasn't been there for 25 years. Guess this is the realisation stage of recovery. How sick and stupid can someone be to blow a months wages in 30 minutes and gamble a days wages on a cartoon race? Starting to remember back to values I had as a teenager. I can't bring the money back or erase the stupidity but maybe I can get my values back.

Hi Captain,

For what it's worth, I believe you can. -joanxx

Oh, don't be too hard on yourself or I'll have to do the same to myself! Cappy, I'm also getting up there in age (52), had 300,000 in the bank and invested -all gone now, and a half million dollar house which now only has about 50,000 equity left. I am choosing to believe that I could possibly (maybe not probably) get it all back but at any rate, I'll find a way to get as much as I need. I don't know how yet, but I've decided to focus on healing myself physically and emotionally and spiritually first - by getting healthy I'll be helping to change my attitude and that's going to change my destiny and that's how the universe is going to conspire to get me to where I want to be! I don't know where that is yet and I figure that I just have to put my trust there. If it doesn't work, hell... I can take up smoking, drinking, drugs and gambling again! lol As for your 7000 thing... I don't know if you guys have Kijiji or what the things you badly need to replace are but you could check it out and maybe find something free or advertise yourself a request to get it free or maybe you'd just find some exceptional deals. I got a super deal on my antique dining room set 'cause the little old lady liked me and the fact that I liked to cook. You never know!