Life With Sports Bets Only

Reflecting on post from Dragonfly (have replied on that thread).

I dont smile or laugh as much in life as I did a few years ago. But then the smiles and the laughter were driven by wins from random gambling which 'kept me going' day to day, allowed me to be a happier person, helped me to accomplish more at work and feel good about myself as I had the ability to win more in a lunchtime than I earned in a week ( also lose a months wages in a lunchtime of course). So the smiles and laughter were false, a result only of being fuelled by the drug of gambling.

But even if I dont smile or laugh as much now and life is no better, at least I am now living in the real world and can be proud of my recovery. And I can thank many people on this Forum plus the authors of many great books I've read and the phone support and counsellers.

Just wish it hadnt taken so long and appeal as I have before to those much younger than myself to arrest this illness as soon as you know you have a problem. Dont use gambling as an escape from real life problems or if gambling is the problem, eradicate it by whatever means is best for you. But look at your own individual situation. Dont assume someone else with a gambling problem is the same as you. The illness affects many people to differing extents and in many different ways.

Captain.

fella I think your last post sums up recovery in a nutshell, without doubt it is bespoke and the individual can only find a path which suits them.

Is this path taken through the learnings of other peoples recovery?

In our case we differ in the fact that I used and continue to use a combination of GA and the forum, both of which work for me and I fully respect the fact that you have found your own path of recovery which has served you well for the past 100+ days.

Regarding your views on GA I do respect them as you like many others upon this forum don't see it as a recovery path for you.

I have been in two GA rooms since I embarked on my recovery and the contrast in the two rooms were like chalk and cheese, my regular room has a black and white approach, the fella's there in my mind just talk about the compulsion to gamble and ways in which they have addressed it were as the other room had a much more spiritual feel to it, it seemed to lean toward the spiritual awakening and a programme founded upon that.

For me I choose not to re-attend the second room as I found the hand holding and talk unhelpful as I don't have any religious belief and at this point in my life I have no want for any. In saying that the rooms as they are relitively local to each other have a number of folk who use them both to there advantage, so each to there own.

So my view on the room of GA which like this forum is this, the focus is upon the individual, they have to make the choice, for me all the information was always there, the black and white fact that I am totally out of control when partaking in any form of gambling, I simply cannot win because I cannot stop.

To end I hope both our diaries serve the same purpose to folk who choose to read them, as without doubt the long term hope is surely to find a way to address the main issue our compulsion to gamble.

The factual thing in all of this, the point in which I would today most like to address is this.

Gamcare, Ga both hold a statistic that three % of the folk who have destructive gambling in their lives address the issue for a consecutive year and that figure lowers for the second year, of the 15000+ folk who have been on the forum since your inception how many are in long term recovery? going by the factual statistics the compulsion to gambling has a vice like grip.

Together we do stand, I think that's to a fact.

Regards and sorry for hijacking your thread, I hope you accept my thoughts

Duncs.

Hi again

thanks for responding to my note yesterday and although I have never been to a GA meeting in my life it was good to see you include it in one of the many options you recommended to a newby, we do have to try every which way.

Did make me smile though as I have been called many things in my life but never ever a follower, bit too strong minded for that which has caused me many a problem in the past.

Respect, peace and happiness to you.

xxx

Life without gambling means I dont lose all my money

Life without gambling means I dont take out any more loans and max out credit cards

Life without gambling means I have more peace and can sleep easily every night

Life without gambling means I can start paying off my debts

Life without gambling means I dont have violent mood swings and dont have the highs and lows

But life without gambling is boring and monotonous and I have to just accept that it how it is going to be for a very long time.

Found myself doing a brainstorm today of all the ways I obtained money to gamble after my regular income was gone:

* Overdraft

* Credit Card

* Loan

* PayDay Loan

* Cheque written payable to self when no funds in bank

* Bet with debit card when no funds in bank(bank seemed to allow a number of transactions per day even if funds not there as long as there had been some funds at start of day)

* credit account with bookmakers

borrowed from friends/family under false pretences

* cashed in insurance policies

* re-mortgage

* sold goods

* stole money

Captain

A list which I too share, the last two brought me great shame as I stole from a boss who was also a friend for a good 15 yrs and I sold things for a fraction of there value to fund my compulsion.

Today I have worked hard to make amends for those wrongs and have forged a better relationship with my old boss and many others through doing so.

I hope any damage your compulsion caused you has had similar results through your own recovery.

Regards and thanks for sharing your therapy.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Thanks for the post Dunc.

My borrowing under false pretences unfortunately led to a permament breakdown of relationship with family. I cant blame them, I dont know if I would have understood if the shoe was on the other foot. Who understands how the compulsive gambler thinks and acts except another compulsive gambler?

Having said that, the person I stole from has been forgiving without totally understanding.

As part of my recovery I have been going in to the bookmakers some lunchtimes (when its a wet day!) and watching a few races and seeing if I could pick winners. Picking losers and seeing he body language and hearing the comments of punters in there has enabled me to walk out smiling and happy that I can live without random gambling now.

I am just not patient enough though and am longing for a sign of how my life is going to develop and improve such that I can say I am happier overall not just that I have gone through five and a half years of recovery just to stop wasting money and start paying off debts.

Captain.

Thanks for the reply fella, my posts are 100% genuine, in honesty I have learnt a lesson recently regarding judement to which I owe you thanks for.

I believe the nature of our recovery paths being quite different led to me becoming generally frustrated with what I read on your thread which led me to making a snap judgement and it was reflected in the way I posted, the 'my way or the highway' is a trait I carry from my gambling life and am working on removing the defect from my character as it results in me losing out on learning opportunities by having such blinkered views. The fact is Captain you have consistantly posted your intentions of how you face recovery and for that alone your thread is one which should gift the reader some learning, as I hope you would agree that consistancy is a major factor in all our recovery pathes, my view today has not changed regarding the gambling industry, I do believe it has a place in society, my eldest Son has a small football bet himself most weeks to which the difference is if he wins he is exstactic and enjoys his good fortune, where as for me a win was never enough I would be compelled to gamble on, the results of which we both know the outcome. It is not the industry that has a problem it is the individual and to that end fella if a problem is identified by them that have destructive gambling in their lives then as I stated they deserve all the help they can get.

Me I apologise for my judement on your behalf and indeed do wish you well in your quest for continued recovery.

Finally regarding the nature of other threads on the forum I can only speak of my own, it is a journal, a 100% honest upfront record of my recovery and how it has affected my life, those moments are meaningful to me and have helped me to forge a path continue. I could not type my own name when I started recovery, log onto the internet was an alien concept, I have never had a facebook account or any other social network. Gamcare is my only connection to the computer, I only got an email address because I had to have one to open an account here, so I don't know about protocol elsewhere but from this forum I know this.

Take what you want and leave the rest, something today I can with honesty say I am proud to do.

Again thanks for the reply

Regards Duncs.

Thanks for your post captain,I totally get where your coming from- I don't think as a cg you could ever replace the buzz of gambling,and your right every thing else does seem mundane.

Sports are definetly not as interesting to watch,but we can only hope given time the natural enjoyment will return.

I'm glad you've found a balance where gambling is concerned,each to there own,

I've no interest in placing little bets on goals galore,or a fiver on a **,or a pound lucky 15 - this way of gambling does nothing for me - because I've gambled for so long I need a bigger buzz when gambling,I need to risk everything in order to reach that buzz.

This is ofcourse summit I can no longer do,the consequences would be disastrous for me - its time too stop totally for good,and if I have to make sacrificies of not watching sport so be it.

As for replacing the buzz,we can only try,I'm sure you've tried many things and had many suggestions,- personally I'm only worried about my kids happiness,I've had my fun days,I intend to throwing myself into work and making money in the future, perhaps that will fullfill my buzz.

All the best captain

Aversion therapy is good but sad to always focus on the pain instead of making happy memories. You have taken many risks gambling how about taking a few in life, its a big wide world out there and we all deserve the good stuff along with the bad but no one is going to deliver it by first class post. Please don't just 'wait for a sign' life is too short.

xxx

Completely understand what you are saying and have been stuck in the doldrums a few times in my life. Went back to uni in my mid fifties ten years ago, a mega risk financially, health wise and emotionally as didn't know if I could hack it but never looked back and created so many new experiences for me.

Moving to my houseboat a couple of years ago involved many new challenges but can honestly say I am never bored as so much to do and so many interesting neighbours to meet, a scriptwriter, three artists, an IT wizard and so it goes.

Just an example of taking a leap of faith, better than regrets methinks.

xxx

Taken me 5 and a half years to stop random gambling. Thought that was so difficult.

Now racked with guilt and regret over the impact I have had on others. Seeing this more clearly now without the gambling being in the way. Can never make it up to others. Have a combination of those who have disowned me, those who say 'its ok, it wasnt your fault' and those who refuse to mention the subject and just want to brush it under the carpet and pretend it hasnt happened. Need to work out a strategy for dealing with all of this. Paying back debts is one thing, repairing the damage you have caused is another altogether. Have been trying to focus on hoping my life changes and that has a knock-on effect on others. That will help to some extent but some damage just cannot be repaired.

Envious of those who have arrested the illness at a much earlier stage with much less debt and impact.

Hi Captain, Don't think I've ever written on your diary and have only popped in and out rarely reading the odd post. Did read a couple last night that touched me and now today too. In one post a while back, as I interpreted it, I got the impression that you figured that people who didn't bother to write on your diary didn't care or couldn't relate or something like that. I do know that I struggle to write on all the diaries I would like to... sometimes due to being in a deep depression myself and really just barely finding strength to force myself to write on the ones I have come to regularly check in on... other times being busy... I guess I'm trying to say that you may sometimes be making assumptions and we're likely all guilty of that... at least I know I am. I'm actually trying to comment less on diaries as I spend a fair bit of time reading which often stimulates my thoughts. I really believe (though don't necessarily always act in accordance myself) that we should all be using these diaries in the way that best suits us. I feel sometimes that I should spend more time writing on my diary really exploring those thoughts and how I can improve myself and yet feel an obligation to write to those who stimulated the thoughts... then time has passed and .... oh my... blathering on. Sorry. I can really relate in terms of the massive debt and fear of the future due to age. I know I should be starting to think and plan for retirement slowly but figure that'll never happen now. My advice is to try not to focus on the guilt (I know, easier said than done) and yes.. focus on you and learning/practicing strategies for dealing with it all. You can only do what you can do and if you dwell on the guilt, I think that can be paralyzing. I never hurt anyone financially as I'm single and without kids but I did hurt people emotionally... people who care about me. My sister even told me a while back that I am the cause of her high blood pressure. I take major guilt trips about that when I probably shouldn't. Aren't we all truly responsible for ourselves ultimately? Exceptions, of course, with kids, etc. You can try to make things right as much as possible but you can't control unforgiving people. They are making their own choices and sometimes you just have to accept that, I suppose. I know I seem to drift toward imagining the worst in terms of what the future holds but I think it's important that we believe it can get better. But it does take work. You really never know what the future holds but you can work toward creating a better one for yourself. Wishing you the best.

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,the courage to change the things i can and the wisdom to know the difference.

Don't be so hard on yourself captain,everybody makes mistakes.

Hi Captain,

I identify so strongly with your last post...I too live with that guilt/regret you describe.

I'm unable to offer any "strategies" (I wish I could wipe it all away!) For me, its just about trying in small ways to make "amends"- often unnoticed, but it makes me feel better.

Take care

Irene

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