Lifer

Yo,

Ok got that ......

Shiny xxxxxxx

Yo,

Sent a test did it work , or have done something insane.

All this spy bussiness, just made me drop my paper and my carnation has landed in the gutter .......

Shiny xxxxxxxxxx

I write this message to you all as this will be my very last post on Gamcare. I cannot use this site any more. The closer I stay the more pain it brings back. I understand that some people feel opposite to my position.

You see gambling is not my problem, it's my symptom. Anxiety, depression, ocd and the self loathing that comes with these are my diseases. Although I am grateful for what the site offered me on a temporary basis and I have truly met some wonderful people. I don't have to namedrop, you know who you are. You see people, why like the doctors do should I be treating the symptom. We have to get to the underlying cause and break it down. Call me foolish or brave, that is what I intend to do.

I would have greatly enjoyed the company on this journey I am making of so many people here. On examination I believe that only one is ready to make that journey with me. I know he will choose to use the site too but we make our own decisions. I am undertaking a CBT course at the moment. Basically learning how to deal with my emotional problems in a more constructive manner. Duncan, I will send you the link and hope we can always share our thoughts.

Anyone who is aware of Maslow's hierarchy of needs should understand me when I say that self actualisation must be reached in order to start getting to the root of the problem. I have built up my wall now. The foundations are strong. Now I am going to chip away at my wall brick by brick and find my answers. A dangerous journey I agree but one I must embark on. I am not bitter about anything anymore. I have everything I need. A lovely daughter, a caring partner, some loyal family, a good job, decent income, good friends, interests and I am mostly very active. On the negative I have a trail of debts from the gambling and a health issue that was no doubt exacerbated by the stress of the gambling. These can be fixed. So why should I complain. I have more going for me than some people. It is time for me to get on with it. If I fail I might return cap in hand begging forgiveness.

So I say goodbye.

Please look after Shiny for me. She needs you. I think she will return shortly. She is an absolutely wonderful woman. I can't help her at this time but you people can. She deserves to do well. She needs to give out her support. From time to time I might look at a few diaries. I just have not got the energy to carry on giving. I must claim back what is rightfully mine. My sanity.

Take care everyone, I hope you will understand and forgive me in time. Those that have my number please feel free. I will always reply. I have reached the end of my gambling days. I needed to relapse a few times to be sure of what I wasn't. I am truly ready for the world.

Againstnature/IanB.

Hi Ian

Hand on heart I wish u all the best and cannot thank u enough for ur support over the last ten months , I fully respect ur decision and hope u get all the answers ur searching for

Castle2

http://youtu.be/i02Gye_HxoY

Yesterday has been and gone

Tommorow will I find the sun

Or will it rain

Everybody's having fun

Except me, I'm the lonely one

I live in shame

I say goodbye to romance, yeah

Goodbye to friends, I tell you

Goodbye to all the past

I guess that we'll meet

We'll meet in the end

I've been the king, I've been the clown

Now broken wings can't hold me down

I'm free again

The jester with the broken crown

It won't be me this time around

To love in vain

I say goodbye to romance, yeah

Goodbye to friends, I tell you

Goodbye to all the past

I guess that we'll meet

We'll meet in the end

And I feel the time is right

Although I know that you just might say to me

What'cha gonna do

What'cha gonna do

But I have to take this chance goodbye

To friends and to romance

And to all of you

And to all of you

Come on now

I say goodbye to romance, yeah

Goodbye to friends, I tell you

Goodbye to all the past

I guess that we'll meet

We'll meet in the end

And the weather's looking fine

And I think the sun will shine again

And I feel I've cleared my mind

All the past is left behind again

I say goodbye to romance, yeah

Goodbye to friends, I tell you

Goodbye to all the past

I guess that we'll meet

We'll meet in the end

You have my number... thought you said you would contact... my phone battery is... cr**.. and can run out... not bought credit yet... since our chat... it went very quickly. Also tonight my daughter told me that when she rings me my phone says " ( something that means I can't get to the phone)"... not sure why?

Anyway... I await "your plan".... and I am sorry if you thought I had reneged on what we talked about... email.... "my name" @ (more than warm)mail. com

Hi AN/IB

Thanks for posting and I know your plan will get going..I just think sometimes its overwhelming for people to take the leap into 3d especially if your a private person.

Learning to fly again takes some guts too and as you know we are all at different stages of recovery... tbh im quite happy sat in cyber world right now on the lowdown as it feels safe for me.

I'm once again in g***y transition settling to new job and also off back to my roots which will take some getting used to.

I hope you find what you are looking for and get to the bottom of those drivers at your core and be on the way to self actualisation.

I remember Mr M from my coursework..

Shiny will be fine and im sure you will pop back on here from time to time with some updates..

Thank you for your kind words AN and I may hold you to that shout...lol

R and D xx

Hello everyone, It's been nearly a month since I last posted on here. I said I wouldn't come on again. I don't need to because I remain gamble free and also free from the personal issues that have bogged me down for years. Through faith, hope, belief and love I have managed to reach a point in life which I had always been searching for. I couldn't achieve it without being ready, I was ready and stand now naked and fearless. All the layers have been removed, I have confessed and opened up to so many I have lost the shame which was what kept me stuck in limbo for so long. I am now proud of who I am.

There are some special people who I have met through Gamcare and some will be friends for life. They have encouraged me and also been happy to share their innermost feelings with me as we strive for the freedom which we always craved. The one biggest lesson I have learned from listening to you all is that you have to love and respect yourself before you can move on.

I have read through a lot of the posts from the past couple of weeks and I see that this survivor/never say die spirit runs through the site. Everyone deserves credit for this. It is eternal optimism and will always exist here. So, to everyone at Gamcare, users and staff alike I would like to say good luck, an early Merry Christmas and Happy new Year and finally thank you, because without this site I would have never have set out on this road to recovery and never reached the comfort zone which I currently find myself in.

Finally I would like to say never give up trying because those who persevere will reap the ultimate reward. As I was told 30 years ago by my now dead grandmother, Gambling is a mugs game son, stay away. I am sorry Nanna but I suppose I never listened. I had to find out for myself but if you are watching me you will know that I have emerged a better man. You were right. All is well now and you can sleep.

Ian xxxx

hey AN

Sounds like you have had a breakthrough and i can tell as your posts have a certain liberated feel about them.

Out of the dark and into the light

Nanna can rest in peace now

R and D xxx

Hello,

I am no longer againstnature. I am with it. Animals, plants, trees, all living things. They exist. For the first time in my life I have felt order in my life.

I have searched for the answer to my addiction for so many years. Why me? I kept asking myself over and over. The past couple of months have been a breeze for me. Life is still a rollercoaster but I have learnt so much over the past year and about others that gambling never enters my thoughts. I am still experiencing strong emotions and moments of weakness with other issues but snap out much quicker and refuse to dwell on silly thoughts that once used to fester and clog up my brain.

My reason to start a breakaway group was that I needed to get to know other gamblers and what made them tick. I also wanted to share my knowledge and lead people. What I have found is something purely different. I will not talk about other people in this post, that is their personal business.

For myself, the battle has been fought by working to a point in my life where I feel happy in my own skin, body and mind. No longer afraid of who I am, no more running. I have never been a religious person, nor am I today. I have found some faith though, a future to believe in, things that I feel are right for me. I pass my thoughts onto others, they take them or leave them. I will continue to fight but it's a whole lot easier now that I am at peace within. It's the world that has gone wrong, it offers the individual with so much to feed his sources of unhappiness with self indulgence to a degree where it spirals out of control.

I have used a simple method to resolve my inner conflict. Something which interested me a lot all those years ago when at uni. It is basic personal progression using will and strength to pass examination of yourself.

Today I see myself as no better or worse than anyone else. In the end the answers I have found are very very personal. I just had to crawl through those dark places with fear but being prepared to lose everything, including my sanity if I failed.

I honestly believe I have got all I want now. The need for more and more has finished, I accept who and what I am. This is my last ever post on the site today. I will say goodbye and good luck to everyone. I always recommend this site. Without it I would be same old story until I died. Anyone who wants to talk can get in touch through a friend of mine.

I say goodbye. It has been 30 years in the making but here it is. I feel free but will never be complacent. I am a man, no longer a little boy. This probably makes no sense at all to anyone but me.

Thanks

IanB, Mr.B, wasagainstnature.

Goodluck c ya mate

Hi Mr B,

Thanks for the post on my thread, i don't post very often now so wasn't around for your kind offer.

It sounds like you have found a bit of inner peace and a few answers to the questions we have been posing ourselves without success. dare I say a method to the madness...

Take care my man and remember we will always have rock n roll to help guide us.

Paulds

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQRYVsqVT3M&sns=em

keep on trucking WT.....God gave rock and roll to ya....inspired by your previous postee

R and D xx

I am back. Not because I have been gambling but because of my need to help, inspire and motivate others. My posts will come once a week. I will change my moniker. Inspired by Duncanmac.

Firstly I would like you to go to the 4thought website. Post to your heart's content. Dislike the bookies comment yes! Tell them how it is. My post is under the name Ian Brown. My real name I might add. I have no need to be anonymous now because I am out, clean and free. Like it and reply. I am here to help you. I am not mad, I have methods. If you do I will post here once a week. Show yourselves in force.

Thank you, The honourable Mr.B