Lost the plot...so back.

107 days, new baby, you are entitled to be very proud of yourself.

Hi Jim, not seen any posts the last 2 days, hope your doing good.Hope all is well with you, looking forward to seeing you on here soon.

Pat

I'm right here, posting at the same time as you!

all well on the gambling front, thanks, a few other issues are dominating my time at the moment but I can promise you that gambling has never been further from my mind.

Day 75

gambling is a pinprick of darkness in the otherwise blinding light of my life. It hasn't completely disappeared, unfortunately, but I prob think about it once or twice a day for an average of 5 seconds each time.

I am, however, disgusted with myself about past binges...althought that's maybe a good thing, to keep it from ever happening again

Yes, it is sometimes worth keeping those dark, dark days in your mind.

Just to remind you never, ever to repeat them ever again.

GT

I think the memories are what will keep me away from gambling. every time i read a horror gambling bing story i find myself nodding my head remembering myself doing something similar

The change you mentioned in my life is so fantastic, simple things like I just spent the last hour playing darts with my boy. He was delighted, gambling me would be sitting staring at the telly all evening in fowl mood. What a f*****g grump I could be when loosing money.

I am off to london next week with work. I remember I went about two years ago and got a tip for a horse from a friend while away. Was in a hotel all day so set up an online account during a lunch break to have a bet. Had 250 on the horse and it lost. Spent the night in my room backing american racing to try and get it back. Lost another 800. I'm cringing at the thoughts of it. Will certainly be no gambling next week.

How are the plans for the home birth going? One month tomorrow hope your OH is doing well.

Days 76, 77

No gambling, no will to gamble.

Hi Pat, home birth not planned as yet - we have a meeting with the midwife here at home a week tomorrow. Hope it doesn't pop out before - my OH is huge already, and they've said the head is down..

I totally agree with you on having the diary to reflect on, i also read back from time to time, its a great help to see how far we have come.

Not a chance of gambling in London or anywhere else for that matter, i cant put into words the improvement i have felt in my own wellbeing in the last 4 months, am never going to go back to feeling the way i did when chasing money and the lies that accompanied that. We both have a massive challenge ahead of us sorting our finances but that will happen over time. Did you get any further on your tax rebait??? i am waiting on one at the moment, hope it will put a bit of a dent in my CC when it arrives.

I had a weird dream saturday night, it went along the lines that someone on this site got in contact with my better half and showed her edited sections of my diary all take out of context, she went balistic.... i woke with an awful start, waking my OH in the process for a few moments i could not open my mouth for fear of what i might say... not sure what that dream was trying to tell me but it scared the bejesus out of me..

Days 78,79,80,81

Today I had a severe financial blow. My debts at the moment are:

CC - £2500 - 0% til 2013 Sept

Overdraft - £2500

Loan from friend 1 - £6000 - £275/month starting now

Loan from friend 2 - £1000 - to be paid before March

My bank (t**t West) contacted me today to say that they were lowering my overdraft limit to £2500 from Feb 14th. Currently it is £7000. They say that I have missed a payment somewhere (so equifax claim), although not to NW themselves, so they are doing it to 'protect' me.

This infuriated me. Firstly, I have definitely not missed a payment on anything. I'm pretty sure it is a mistake. Of course, I've applied to see my credit score but I have to wait 2 days to get the code to see it. Really, I know my accounts and I'm sure there's not been a missed payment anywhere. The only thing I can think of is that somehow the 'reorganisation' of my finances (changed insurers x 2, moved cc from NW to Virgin at 0%, and various other bits and bobs) has resulted in a cocked-up direct debit somewhere. Whatever, I'm not so bothered about the credit report rather that than NW starting to fish around in my finances. That 7k overdraft was my lifeline, and it looked like I would have to use it to pay my friend his 1k before March. Now I have no facility, and furthermore I have to find some money quickly to pay into my account. This is a disaster.

Secondly, I still haven't had anything from the tax office (I applied Aug 16th) or Child benefit (applied June 16th). Together, I reckon they owe me around £3k. I have phoned and phoned, and finally in december I contacted my MP (first time I've ever done that), he agreed they were pulling their feet, wrote a letter to support my official complaint, and magically I am now in 'special cases' and, it seems, it is finally going through (they told me when I phoned their direct line today). I should hear in the next '4 weeks'. But I am now desperate for this.

I still haven't gambled, although I must confess it crossed my mind today when I drove past a casino. Won't do it, but life is cruel - it looked like things were really turning a corner, but I needed another 6 months or so for the finances to turn too. This has made me extremely anxious, it's bad enough waiting for the baby to come without having all these deadlines.

Sorry to hear that NatWest want to reduce your overdraft when you are clearly in desperate need of it. However, what is not clear from your last post is are you close to £7k overdrawn or is your balance better than that? If you are £7k overdrawn, where are you going to get £4.5k from before 14th February?! Can you do a Money Transfer from your Virgin credit card?

2.5k overdrawn, and 'lose' about £400/month. So, need to find around £800 immediately for the bank, and 1k for my friend.

BTW, Pelle, read this tonight, very interesting

http://www.gamcare.org.uk/forum/index.php?tid=143885

Hi LJ

Sometimes things happen for a reason. I know this is a kick up the backside but I'm sure one way ot another you will get through it and it will make you stronger. Gambling will take away the short term pain but it causes longer term suffering. Maybe you could sit down and devise a plan to get you straight. It will resolve itself and although we don't like to admit it, they areour debts we ran up. Keep going LJ you will be in a better space in no time. take care

How do you know I'll be all right?! Still, I'll have to be. The trick is getting through it without hurting anyone else.

I have just two hopes - that the tax credits come within the next 3 weeks, or, failing that, I can max out a cc I've got which is currently unused (limit £2,400). so, yes, I will survive, but moving to a cc with an apr of 25% is not my idea of a solution!

Still, yes, it is my s**t and I have to roll in it. It's just a shame that it didn't happen two months down the line, when I would have a financial cushion.

As for the reason it happened, someone f***** up a direct debit somewhere, and I'm 99.999999% sure it wasn't me. Will know more on Monday who's been making a mess on my credit report.

Thankis for the honest words, Smiler.

day 82 - no gambling today

Hi Jim

Firstly well done on 82 days without a bet. Sounds like all the debt stuff is very stressful, my credit rating is so bad I can't even get a bank account!!

Good luck with it all, hopefully the bank may give you a little more breathing space to get things in order, its probably an automated letter sent out without any real personal involvement or understanding. I mean how do they realistically expect anyone who lives in their overdraft to come up with that sort of money overnight.

Keep up the guard on the gambling front as stress can be a big trigger to have a punt.

All the best

Keith

Hi Keith,

unfortunately it isn't an automated letter, I've spoken to them and they ARE lowering my limit from Feb 14th. They are b******s, to be honest, but I'll have to dance to their tune for now.

day 83 - no gambling