Lost the plot...so back.

Milkman

Fella great to see that your continued abstinence is enabling you to furnish your gambling debt, for me it's been a great education repaying my own debts brought through my own destructive behaviour.

Without doubt for the first time in my life I today fully respect the value of my hard earned, I have learned to use my finances for my own gain, living a frugal lifestyle is one that is very rewarding because rather than excess monies burning a hole in my pocket I actually have 'rainy' day money, money to plan ahead with, in truth in that wonderful thing hindsight I actually always had enough, addiction just clouded all my judgement.

But the truth is money whilst gambling was irrelevant, it is just a symptom of addiction, fuel to feed addiction with.

Lastly regards the 12th, the 'glorious 12th' as I know it, lol first day of the grouse season, lol something that whilst cooking in London always brought a huge amount of excitement, well except for the grouse lol.

I won't advise you, simply I can't, I can just tell you what I would do if I were in your shoes, I would simply declare that I no longer gamble, nothing more nothing less. Because I am proud of that fact.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Went to see a footie match yesterday, as an invitee. Sorely tempted to put a bet on, sports bets not my thing but have put one on the last two or three times I've been (ie total visits the last 10 years). My friend walked towards the betting stands, I had already convinced myself i could do it and not count it, but at the last minute I decided against. Match ended 1-1; I was going to bet 2-0.

So still clean and 9 days off 9 months now!

Milkman

Fella that post raised a huge smile upon my face.

Why?

Because I know what the addict inside my head did every time I allowed it to convince me that gambling was an accepted pastime.

By your admittance that gambling will possibly feature in the future I could imagine that your own addictive brain thought the door was again unlocked, I can imagine it's ramblings, the old 'well there's no harm in a punt here, it's not a problem area blah blah blah'

You fella slammed the door shut.

Recovery has become the greater good, rather than addiction ruling the roost.

From it take great heart.

Thanks for sharing, I value the significance of that post.

Inspired.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Duncan - I think you're right, I mean about the brain and its thoughts.

As for the rest: I continue to be stable. No mad urges this last week. If there are no financial disasters, I will dip under the 10k debt mark in 3 months' time, which will be the first time since I started on here (with 9.5k debt). My 1 year anniversary, which I am confident I will reach (but not over-confident), is July 29th, also in 3 months. So it'll be a double celebration.

I am moving abroad in September, for an unknown period of years. It means, I will move with the cloud of debt hanging over me. I think best case scenario is 8k debt, if there are no demands. I am hammering the Ccs at the moment, but I just don't earn enough to clear them. Still, it will be better than I hoped.

Well done on your recovery you deserve it you have worked hard and you are seeing some light at the end of the Tunnel

Yesterday was my 9 month anniversary.

I got an email from one of the betting companies, the same one that's involved at the Crucible at the moment. It was welcoming me back and telling me that my period of self-exclusion has ended, so I must have done that one for 9 months. I do not remember the password, and I tended to use different ones for the gambling sites. I have never been contacted by the companies before when the self-exclusion period has ended, is it normal practice now? Anyway, all those emails have been deleted (there were 4).

My recovery has become slightly derailed due to extra spending of late - all good things for the wife and kids, but it's sent me £400 overdrawn, which is an expense (and a fee) I could do without. There are no savings left to be made, other than my beer, which I obviously use as a prop and I am not ready to give up yet. So, I have to soldier on to the next pay packet.

Congratulations on 9 hard months mm,

I get emails every day to play on sites I have never used lol, and like you have today I delete them all without reading them, they are sent to trash where they belong.

Stay strong and keep winning.

Suzanne xxx

Thanks, you are not doing so bad yourself on 9 months lol.xxx

9 months, 2 weeks and 3 days!

Did a debt check today - just around 12k. Nearly half what it was 9 and a half months ago. It's often said on here, but if I actually had the money to spend instead of repaying debts I don't think I'd know what to do with it. I think I'm pretty good at saving and juggling now; hopefully, when the debt is finally cleared, it's a skill I keep.

Needed the wife's CC to pay for something today (she has a Euro a/c). She had to find it and shout the 16-digit number to me while I paid online. It triggered a memory - when the gambling was at its worst, I had memorised all four cc 16-digit numbers (and the 3 numbers on the back) so I could use them to pay in a few seconds online - without delay to my precious gaming. Imagine that! I can still, in my mind's eye, see my fingers zooming over the number pad, desperate to continue the 'FUN'.

10 months ago today I was sitting on the back step fresh after a 2k bet, shaking and sweating, and wondering how in God's name I was going to deal with the mountain of debt I'd racked up (around 22k). Last chance saloon and all that.

It took around four months for the money to stabilise, and to sort all the credit cards out and transfer all the high-interest balances to low(er) ones. Then, five months of really trying hard to clear the debt. This last month I've relaxed a little, possilby a little too much as I've gone overdrawn, but I have now managed to halve my original debt to 11k.

Urges still come and go. The counselling I've had has helped enormously, especially in understanding what makes me tick.

Hi MM,

Popping by to say massive congratulations of having 10 months under your belt of abstaining and maintaining, and winning your life back.

Stay strong and keep winning.

Suzanne xxx

Hey you, just noticed you pop your head up & wondered if you had updated recently! I missed your 10 month update so it was great to log back in & see how incredibly well you are doing with that debt!

How's it all going? Aren't you moving soon? Can't remember what the counsellor's challenge was exactly, have you smashed it yet or it that an achievement still to come? I'd love to hear that you are being kinder to you & have started to feel proud of your recovery but even by my standards, I'm being particularly nosey tonight ;-( Feel free to ignore me & I'll wait patiently for your 11 month update in a few days time 😉

Look after you Milky (can I call you that) & keep winning - ODAAT

11 months as of yesterday. My counsellor's challange, or rather my own based on what she told me, was that she had never had a client go the whole set of sessions without a single relapse. They weren't all disasters, just some sort of relapse. That lead to me asking her if the counselling was then effective, and she explained that it was a question of slowly changing the mindset. All the clients are at their worst moments when they first arrive; some dn't really want to stop but want a quick solution, some are persuaded to go by their (for ex) Mothers, all ages and tyes but lots of young lads with FOBT and sports betting problems.

Anyway, it'll be a year in July and I can be satisfied that I've come that far; also, I'm the only client to not gamlbe form the moment I started til the last session (which will be in Aug).

Other news: lots of typos that i cant be bothered to correct cos im down to 2 fingers and a thumb. I had an accident on Sat which gave me burns to my hands, chest and neck, and possibly broke a rib. One hand is serious. Luckily the fingers and face pretty much escaped damage, but I'm all bandaged up and don't have much movement. I will recover, with scars to the hand, and I'm v lucky actually, but obviously it has pushed gambling even further away in my mind.

Also: We're moving abroad in Aug, which may now be pproblematic because the hospital reckon they'll be treating me until then. Hopefully I'll be able to dress and treat the wound myself, I don't know, but we' ve paid out nearly 2k on moving preparqtions so i'm not keen on cancelling it unless i have to. we'll see.

Debts are stable at pres, lots of paying out done recently but i hope ive tidied thihgs up so i can chip away at them over the next couple of years. I reckon im 12.5 in debt, whch will be 10 by the time i go. Hardly perfect, but doable.

Hi mm,

Fantastic going on 11 months be very proud, because it's a great achievement, I am finding as I go further into my recovery journey, the debt I achieved through bloody gambling, worries me less and less, I only pay a small amount each month, the desperation to pay the debt off has gone, I think now it will be paid off at my pace lol, if that makes sense, I don't worry about it anymore it's getting paid and no one is hounding my door, phone, emails etc.

You aer doing just great.

Suzanne xxx

o*g, that sounds terrifying 🙁 I really hope you make a speedy recovery! Please don't move unless you are ready...Medical services aren't always as good abroad! Thank you for popping by when you were in so much pain...You really didn't need to but thank-you!

Nice one on the challenge, I am confident you will be her 1st (ooo err) because you were ready 🙂

Great to hear you are being a little easier on yourself & as you say, the money will sort as long as you continue to fight for your recovery! Doable is a long way from where you were & I hope you are proud of you!

Look after you - ODAAT