Misery to happiness

Jackanory continues I was mad , hope not to offend anyone in these professions but as human beings we all bring something to the table each and everyone of us .

I met another like minded person whom explained to me keeping it simple that gambling was a big part of society on the whole be it lottery casino bookies other Subjects which I hadn't even thought as gambling we all know the rest. These were pastimes that weren't necessarily regarded as harmful to the wider population his words and as a nation of winners it was the norm the feel good factor . Normal f*****g best word what the f*** is normal .

Sorry to rant or moan . Normal not today I am not normal I am special I am a compulsive gambler whom has not gambled . I will not as yet be joining the normal ranks of society

Hi htf

There is so much ignorance to the gambling problem this country has that it will get a lot worse in my opinion before anything is done about it.

CG's are swept under the carpet so that the gaming industry & the government can carry on publishing well doctored stats about how many actually have an addiction. Its disgusting. They do this because of the sheer amount of money they are gaining from us.

They even encourage gambling as a form of entertainment and then once that person is addicted (which every single person is capable of becoming) they put them in the "not normal" bracket and move on targeting the ones who arnt hooked yet.

The results of this? In 10-20 years I would say 30-40 percent of the next generation could be CG's. This will come back to bite this country in the a**e as the economy will eventually suffer because nobody will have any disposable income (apart from bookies).

I walked drove past one of the bookies I used to frequent- i used to go in there on a daily basis before I picked my son up from school to lose between 20-200 in about 30 mins on the FOBTs- and they had huge posters on the windows stating KNOW YOUR LIMITS!. well I laughed out loud. If I was still gambling would I have stopped at the window and thought "oh look there are some posters telling me i need to be aware of what im spending- cheers I might not bother now". Er no- there could have been a bomb in the building next door and if I was waiting for the ball to land I wouldnt leave!

Anyway, once again here I am hijacking your diary! Sorry! All I wanted to say was I know how you feel and it makes me angry too!

Linda

Day 29 0r 30 gamble free maybe miscalculated.

Linda agree totally.

No smoking biggest challenge went out with boys to town lovely walk rabbits out we always stop it's like we've never seen a rabbit before.

Takes me back to when I was about 4 and went to Nan's for Sunday dinner always had chicken that was expensive in the 60s 70s but we Sussed it we could never figure out my sisters and I why a chicken had four legs we had never had chicken it was rabbit we all laugh about it today.

Decided to stop smoking after 32 yrs as actually felt I was gambling with my life in a sense not to offend anyone.

I have done a lot of thinking about my gambling I have always had gambling in my life went to bingo every now and then probably once in three years. Very rarely did the lottery or bought scratch cards. So here goes I found online bingo and slots in 3yrs blew 30k no rush to get home urgency to play I have periods where I stop but when I start mega madness

stop binge stop binge stop.

So sickened by what I've done I stop then hey presto have a relapse . So after all this emotional torment have decided no gambling of any shape form . As I have suffered from revolving door syndrome.

I also find it difficult to post advice to people as feel I'm not equipped to do so may cause more damage hurt or upset this is new territory to me and I feel insecure actually needy in this virtual world naked amongst strangers.

Ihitthefanx

I

Taking your advice Julie Ty for dropping by.

Day32 gamble free. Peace of mind .

On long stretch work . Smoking two failed attempts still trying. Will do this. Have 12 debts to pay in total .

Varying amounts so my aim is to pay at least 4 by December so here goes debt 1& 2 paid . 10 debts to go. In good form gambling no way. Hitthefanx

hello htf , thanks for your post on my diary , it was really appreciated , its nice to know in not alone , its good to see you are strong at the moment keep it up , i like you have lost loads in a relativly small period of time which i still cant get my head around, how can i gamble that much money in so short time . although i think i am finally accepting the losses and moving on because i feel that if we dont we will still think about them and sometime or other try to gamble them back thinking we can win it all back. But we both know this would not happen it would just be another massive loss more regrets and a new day 1. anyway enough of my rambling, keep strong, keep going not gambling and counting down those debts and keep that door tightly shut on that gambling lark. all the best

Hey 🙂

Congrats on your awesome progress, your doing a great job and I hope you can continue to carry on that way, i only have one debt luckily but I know the feeling and it's cr** but there's sunshine in the distance 😉

All the best

Batman

Day 34 gamble free. Batman can see the sun waiting to feel it. No urges to gamble life full and busy in good place . Boxed the losses in my head done with that cant keep torturing my mind moving on. Staying strong. Hitthefanx

Neglected diary day 36 gamble free been working and enjoying life with boys I forgot simple things in life that are free . No gambling and have no desire to as the feeling that it gives is soul destroying and I keep that close by to remind myself of why it has no place in my life. A behaviour that has no place now or ever in my life . Staying strong . Hitthefanx

Day 39 gamble free. Fleeting moments about gambling in mind rare but strange how it happens but no chance hubbie home haven't discussed gambling as yet waiting for the moment seems like it's never coming hanging over me. Enjoying life and don't want to spoil the moment maybe I'm being selfish thought and can manage this myself. Stuck about making decision on telling all. All about truth though don't want to hurt him . How can I describe this a middle aged woman post menopausal having an affair with online slots um

Damaging for any relationship . He knows something's wrong but what . When will the right time come at minute contract ended on job so he's out of work this would be a slap . Rather confused but coping hitthefanx

Hi Hitthefan,

Congratulations on your Day 39!

I'm only at day 6 and I wouldn't allow myself to give you any advice. But I can tell you about my experience.

I've lost about £15K in the past three months and I had the same problem, my wife didn't know anything about it. I was still chasing losses when I decided that it is too much and that I have to stop and tell her the truth.

I didn't know how to tell her, every time I was trying to start this conversation with her something was pushing me back. 'Not today, not today. Tomorrow. Something bad is gonna happen. And that will happen for sure. If tomorrow the world ends, you don't have to think about that today. Tomorrow...'.

Of course, all I was doing was gambling again, trying to get rid of the loss. And I lost even more. Happily you already stopped gambling, which is great. You get control back over your actions.

I couldn't take it anymore, it was eating me alive. I was really depressed and felt miserable. I couldn't focus, I couldn't do a thing. 8th of March was coming, how could I give such news to her on Woman's Day? So I waited for next day.

Next day it was even harder. The same thoughts. 'Tomorrow, not today.'. I picked her up from the train station that day. I just stopped the car and told her.

...

What happened there felt horrible and I don't want to go through that again. I know I lost (again) her trust. Divorce was also mentioned. I am trying now to save my marriage and to be honest I don't know what will happen to us. But I really regret I didn't tell her earlier.

Things were really bad in the first days, but they are cooling off a bit now. It's far away from good, it cannot be, but I am happy that we didn't make a decision when everything was really hot.

I feel a lot better now that I told her, but I am also wondering if that was a selfish thing to do, passing all that pressure onto her. She doesn't deserve that. But I think she had a right to know. If we have to divorce because of this (it's not the first time I'm doing this, but the first time I realise and I admit that I am a compulsive gambler), then it will be on me. It's me who screwed up and I deserve it. I still hope I can make it up to her, I really want to fight this addiction, never gamble again and win my wife back.

I don't know if it helps what I told you. You know best the situation in your family. But I feel a bit better. Which makes me wondering again if I am selfish. Because I noticed that there is a lot of 'me, myself and I' in the life of a gambler. We are really, really selfish people.

Good luck, I hope everything goes fine for you.

Thanks Altair for sharing. Day 44 gamble free. Busy weekend . Neglecting diary . Positive phase in my life. Mood good. Yo yo smoking need to get a grip.

Hithefanx

Hi HTF

its tricky isnt it who to tell

they say honesty is the best policy but not all families and friends can understand this addiction hope you make the right move for you

Thanks triangle honesty is the best policy true.

Tell the truth and shame the devil my nan used to say.

Well I told my hubbie last July about gambling he

Bailed me out and forgave me never casted it up.

Was angry with me so what did I do waited till that feeling of remorse had gone and was back at it.

Really listened not. So I spoke to mum and sister.

Supportive no bail outs but solutions and blocks to help me stop. I was ready and wanted to.

So now I have debt which I am dealing with. Not hubbie . So dilemma was do I tell I ignored his words of wisdom and suffer and loose his trust completely . Do I need that in my recovery not at the minute my life is on an even keel I have his trust and respect do I want him to feel like a victim hell no and maybe he might just bring it up in a heated moment . So I am selfish for saving myself from this heartache and him .

Currently I am doing this on my own there is also a problem shared is a problem halfed.

Why would I want to inflict trauma on him also does it make it better no just adds to the destruction gambling causes.

Do I need forgiveness no as this wouldn't aid my recovery it would for me personally in my weird mind give me a license to go ahead and have a go as they all have forgiven me . No boundaries. Hope I make sense rather rambling am I justifying my deceptive behaviour not really I know now I want to manage this myself . I am a lifer to this disease .

Day 52 gamble free had so much going on. Feel like I'm on around about and need to shout stop . Working and family keeping busy .staying strong htfx