Misery to happiness

Day 55 gamble free. Been rather busy working .

Household activities cleared loft out and shed . Cupboards etc. so the whole place is like a giant car boot. Payday been and gone . Still skint debt getting paid. Episodes of panic about debt fleeting moments but no gambling for me a waste of time and destructive to my emotional and mental health.

Hitthefanx

Day58 gamble free

Had a great day with family and truly laughed. Felt I'd not done this for a longtime life has felt superficial.

I find it hard to contribute to diaries as I often feel I may offend or give wrong advice. Strange as I am in a position which involves counselling .Maybe I'm just wired differently.

Job I applied for withdrawn probably gone for redeployment. I still have a good job which I like but on call leaves me knackered and emotional as it's often the worst case scenario in life or end of life in my speciality. Back in work tomorrow and still up. It's loosing that hour body clock messed up.

Must unwind hitthefanx

Hitthefan,

Good to see you posting and day 58 too. When your feeling low just come on here tell us all about it and let us share those emotions too. I am not qualified in anything i say but am def hoping to continue reading your diary and sharing your recovery with you.

CasinoRoyaLoser

Day62 been updating my skills for practice so been in a different area of work and am now on hols then return to my permanent job. Thanks casino loser for dropping in.

Just completed a stress course with one to one counselling very therapeutic so developed coping mechanisms 10 wk course but had it condensed .

This has given me an insight into my gambling addiction and other issues in my life that I struggled to sort or deal with.

Keeping strong htfx

Hi htf

I just wanted to say thanks for your support on the challenge thread. I will never be able to thank you enough as it really got me through a very low point. Well done on day 63 and I hope you have a great weekend

Xlinda

Hi Hitthefan,

Thank you thank you so much for the post on my diary, Life is good im def hanging in there. When i open my dairy and see posts from others like yourself it just gives me so much more positive vibes to kick this horrid addiction. I see you spent time also with family and you laughed, that's exactly what im doing to, repaying back lost time with them and giving them the true me the happy go lucky father and husband. Keep strong i am always peeking in your dairy too see how ur doing. The days are mounting up for you so well done keep happy you deserve it.

CL

Day 67 a good one the year I was born. Up too early . Hubbie away after being home for over a month. The house seems to have come alive again . Mad really what gambling can do it affected my whole life and others around me and i had failed to notice. Been to river to feed ducks stones throw away wind biting of the river. Plan to get fit in my head feeling a bit sausagey today ! Smoking needs to stop will try again last of my deviant behaviours this is how I view it.

Julie the wheels on the bus go round and round . The boys loved that when they were wee .

Staying positive and strong hitthefanx

Day 69 . Dad coming today . Anxious my parents divorced when I was very small he's never been part of my life. He gambled and still does but he has a partner who controls his finances . They own there own home have at least 5 foreign hols a year . A lovely man but a stranger to me. My mum had a hard time with his lifestyle . He was a footballer and with that came notoriety and women. Sounds dysfunctional but not my mum remarried a great bloke who brought us up and has been a fantastic dad and friend I never got to know my real dad but he has a brill relationship with my boys and helps with childcare when I'm on call.

He knows I have dabbled with the gambling and he has bailed me out. But it's strange he's not in debt but has no responsibilities financially. Loves the bookies but when his allocated allowance is spent he goes home I asked him all about his gambling and how he controls it

Unlike him I can't stop I used to just feed the online slots dripping all my hard earned cash to the point of despair. I also think is it hereditary or familiar in families My other dad never partook he was too busy working he was a chef worked mad hours to provide well and didn't treat us girls any different. So gambling wasn't in my life as a child. I am not trying to understand his gambling or how he can rationalise it i will never be able to gamble in any shape or form. The gambling gene is there ! Oh dear gone on a bit anxiety hitthefanx

Day69 saga phoned sister as feeling anxious to ground me ! She said look at his life he doesn't know his kids a ten bob millionaire he's got f*** all had a few marriages all failed has a partner whom has been around forty years through all his marriages . Never paid any maintenance has no shame or guilt that step dad paid for every thing and thinks a few hundred quid to grand kids here and there solves all his problems . His gambling has ruined him and his life take a f*****g good look and get a grip . Stressed htf

Day 70 yesterday's woes boxed . Staying strong . Hitthefanx

day 76 gamble free keeping strong working over Easter. had no internet and several short l power cuts . shopped in ASDA on Thursday in dark it was hysterical they stayed open . mobiles have had limited service rather eerie. hitthefanx

day 79 time on my hands therapy today window cleaning. boys back to school. my youngest is a teenager today chocolate cake all round. hitthefanx

Hi Hitthefan - Many congratulations on your Day 79 - brilliant! Happy Birthday to your son - hope you didn't have a 'Kevin' moment (Harry Enfield suddenly morphing from a sweet lad into a grunting teenager) - enjoy the chocolate cake!

Joanna

Day 86 full on week been paid. Bills sorted. An objective this year was to pay 4 out of the twelve debts I have and yes 4 have been paid and it's only the end of April result. 8 to go which are larger sums . It takes time and it feels good. It may take 2 years to clear these debts but what a relief it will be. So far I have achieved different tasks which I set every week this keeps me focused. I need this to aid my recovery . Still no card and have to go into bank for cash , blocks on all devices with no access to passwords. Time filled with long overdue jobs. Staying strong hitthefanx

Day 92 gamble free. Working so bank holiday will fly by applying for another job time consuming. Need to stop smoking had a failed attempt so need to try again.one room redecorated . In no rush to start next room felt ok at the time but two days later neck in bits . Hanging in there htfx