Moving on..Day 1 and on

Day 21/22

Feel positive. I'm planning ahead now and am looking forward to it being nearly a month now since my last gambling binge. So glad I didn't give in the other day and it make me feel I can be stronger than my urges, whereas before I would have just skulked off and wasted both time and money. My main issue has been having money too gamble. As said, it wasn't much, but it was tempting. Plus, everywhere I go online seems to cluttered with adverts for gambling. On telly too. A change in perspective though, has helped. Being I've fought an urge and won, I can look as these silly adverts and smile, as I don't won't or need to gamble. They can try to ploy some mug with "Get £XX free, no deposit" but we know it's just a confidence trick. On the up. A month fast approaching. Cannot wait.

way to go, keep doing what your doing cause its working.

Thanks assiam. I'm doing well, though stopping has affected me in the short term, being a bit stressed and having the odd urge, plus my sleep pattern is really messed up too. However, it's only been a good other than that. I feel like these short term problems aren't even problems. Gambling really screwed me up, I'm happy to have to deal with short term problems and be free of it for good.

Well working 3rd shift me sleep is always screwed up so don't know what a normal nights sleep is. LOL hell ya got some good gamble free days under the belt and that's all that matters. Way to go.

Had to make this post to stop myself from gambling. Got a big urge last night but I will not give in to it. I used to often put bets on my team on a saturday and it seems this habit is still swirling about in my mind. It's so silly. It's has disrupted my sleep all night. One bet. It's like I have this Devil inside my saying "Go on...One bet won't hurt...just this one bet...just 10 quid". I got as far as checking odds and seeing how much I could win. Then thinking, when I get up I'll put that bet on. I do not gamble anymore. Get it into your head. You do not gamble. Coming here has helped. I'll read through others diaries and others posts, knowing I just cannot do this s*i* anymore. It is so self-destructive. I have moved on. I can kid myself that sports betting has never been a problem, but I'd be lying to myself. I remember putting bets on eastern europeon football teams, bet-in-play or american games . This was at some mad time as well, like 1am. What the hell!? Why was I doing this? Why torture myself with idea of one bet which could lead me back to where I was!! It's mad. I have the upper hand now. My gambling days are over. I must accept this and not have these stupid ideas swirling around in my mind anymore. There is no one more bet, just as there isn't one more cigarette when you've stopped. Wake up, young man, wake up. I am not gambling today. Nor tommorow. Nor ever again.

Well done for not giving in to those urges. Really please for you. Keep it up

N

Thanks Silly26. I'll try my best. Part of me wants to give in, but the better part says no. I used to enjoy the bets on my team (or thought i did) and it's a hard thing letting go of. It was the uncontrolled compulsive gambling that led me here. I lost quite a bit of money I needed to keep hold off on my last 'binge', and I haven't gambled since. This compulsive gambling is why I need to stop. Maybe I'm lying to myself though. It's crazy. I feel so confused. I may just bet. Then I have second thoughts. And if I do..then what.. I need more sleep, I think.

I'm sorry to hear you feel like that. I do understand how tough it is. I was gambling for along time online and spent a lot of money, one of the hardest things I am doing is giving up. But that urge to gamble has slowly subsided and I do feel a lot better. There is still days where I feel down and want to do it but I come in here and write a s it makes me feel so much better. Keep strong Alex it will get better. Get some more sleep and do something to keep your mind off it.

N

Yes, today I messed up. I had a bet on a football match. Only £10, but the amount of money is irrelevant. Strange thing is though, I felt no pleasure or any of the adrenaline rushes that I would have had before. My bet lost but even if it would have won I wouldn't have been happy. This will be the only set-back I believe I can have. If gambling only offers me this sort of numb unhappy feeling I'm feel right now, why bother with it. Time to move on. I'm here for the long run, to stop and never do it again. I suppose there is one positive- I haven't chased losses, like before, but I'm disappointed with myself, or more my mind and the cruel trick I played on myself today. A lesson learnt.

Gamble free again from tomorrow.

Thanks again for your reply Silly26. I never got to read it, earlier. I was doing so well and messed up today but got no enjoyment or pleasure from it. I fell for that "One last bet" mind screw. I'm still here though and want to give up and not gamble anymore. I will be strong. Gonna get k9 installed on my computer today also. If there is a plus today, it's that I cemented more reasons in my mind not to gamble.

Today is DAY 1.

sorry to hear about the slip and they happen. been there many times and the only shame in it is not trying again. new day new chances.

Thanks assiam. I'm okay.. just glad I came here and am prepared to carry on beating this. I left myself vulnerable by not having block on gambling sites. I've installed K9 to stop this now. As said, I'm here for the long run as this gambling I've done isn't healthy. Reading posts on here really helps at the moment. Must say, JamesP is brilliant. Everything he says makes it clear as to why I shouldn't gamble. Thanks again.

-Alex

Had a really great day with no urges to chase the money lost on Saturday. Did a bit of work in the garden and kept myself occupied, feeling very good about having not wasted anymore time and money, which is what I used to do. I spent money I would have normally gambled by this point on new bicycle parts and a gift for my dad. Overall, despite my 10 pound bet, the weekend has been good. Also really glad I now have K9 on my computer. Should prove useful when I have another day like Saturday.

- Alex

Money normally gambled by this point in the week has gone on treats for myself, so I can finally start over. My main aim is to get out of the house more and I have always been somewhat of a cyclist, so I'm buying parts to fix my old bikes again. I have two mtb's and I must have ridden them both over a thousand miles over the past 4 years. However, when one broke, I didn't fix it as I spent the money on...yep, gambling. When the other newer bike had problem I didn't fix that either as the money went on gambling too. It had left me slightly depressed.. so I gambled. What's mad is that I could have bought several new mountain bikes with the money gambled over the last 16 months. I have focus once again, that is for sure. I feel more in control of my life than at any period over the months where I would gamble.

Thought I would include this famous poem as it gives me strength...

Out of the night that covers me,

Black as the pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the Horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years

Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll.

I am the master of my fate:

I am the captain of my soul.

-Alex

well thats a pretty sweet poem and i like it. hope ya get them bikes up and going soon. sounds like a good constrctive way to spend your time. congrats on your days