my diary

I always feel that in any addiction the first day is the hardest to conquer because after it becomes not part of your routine to gamble then the less you think about doing so.... Not sure if others further into their recovery than me agree but that's my personal perception in terms of my own recovery.

It might help your wife to understand that it's a form of illness to be addicted to gambling if she comes on here to read a few posts, my girlfriend was shocked at the type of professions etc that people affected by addiction work in.

Good luck.

Although it isn't over yet I won't have internet access tonight so thought it important to update now...

Felt pretty low this morning I knew there was so much I could be doing to keep myself busy but couldn't find the strength or energy, possibly the past few days catching up on me tbh. Got a call from the mother in law asking if I could take her shopping so I did and glad I did got me out the house. Another gamble free day tomorrow for defo...

Hope Scotland win tonight

Stay strong people

Day3 is almost over and its been a good day. Productive day at work and spent some quality time with my wife. I felt as if I connected with her on a totally dif level. To describe how I'm feeling - its as if I am peeking round the curtains ready to pull them open (curtains being gambling). Fed up being stuck behind them its time to let the sunshine in.

No word as yet about my counselling session but will contact thegtheguys here again for some advice.

Looking forward to tomorrow and going to try give up the smokes as well...

🙂

Good for you for letting your wife in on it. Have you considered turning over all of the finances to her? I think that might be wise.

Tbh she has been in control of the finances for years now but I have always found a way to sneak a tenner her or twenty there etc etc.... for me the money side isn't the biggest issue its the lies we tell to feed the habit. Gambling is probably the most shameful addiction there is we hurt the ones we love for that fix, NO MORE

Delboy

Welcome to the forum, you are so correct in your last post when you say it is not about the money, I cannot believe the sacrifices I made my family go through to feed my addiction for so many years.

You cannot change the past but you are in control of your future and a future without a bet is the best outcome for us the compulsive gambler.

I hope you keep finding the positives through recovery and your wife too.

One day at a time better your tomorrow.

With a choice to actually win.

No Bet today

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Thank you for your kind words Duncan and most defo one day at a time.

Day4

Back in work again today and tbh I wasn't looking forward to it at all. Friday is the day I deposit the midweek takings at the bank and normally once I have done this I pop in next door to the bookies... nicely placed next to the cash machine!!! I did plan to chuck the smokes today but decided to borrow 1 whilst going to the bank. I must admit I never even thought about going next door whilst I was in the bank but to be on the safe side I lit the ciggie as soon as I walked out the bank!! Knowing II would eefo pass it by, I only had 2 quid in my tail but I feel the past 4 days I have somewhat changed my attitude towards everything and this would have been a massive confidence knock if I had punted the 2quid.

My Friday song is one Dionne Warwick walk on by !! Lol.

First counselling session scheduled for this Wednesday so slightly nervous but so glad my wife offered to come with me....she's a superstar.

Have a good Friday night all.

Derek

Day 5

Had another good day with no thoughts of a punt. Kept myself busymost of the morning the joined the 2pm chat session on here, it was nice to meet graham, Irene and Florence. I hope G's meal out was as good as my Chinese takeaway, and Irene enjoys her nightshade tonight...lol

Nothing much else to report really, got a haircut and shopping, even managed to bring change back!!!!! Oh and 0 cigs today 🙂

Good night people

Day 6

Evening all, found it quite hard today surrounded by the chat of football coupons, fantasy football leagues oh and I won 500 quid for a fiver!!!! (Not me that won the 500!!) but managed several times to safely remove myself and not join in the conversations. Despite these moments had a really good day, Wednesday is even closer...by god this counsellor better have a big notepad!!!

Onwards and upwards people 🙂

Always available for a chat should anyone need 1

Del

fella it will get easier. My simple question is this.

If you won that 500quid would it be enough.

For me it would just lead to more bets.

The winnings lost chasing an unreachable pipe dream.

A fella told me this joke.

How do you make a compulsive gambler a millionaire???

Start him a billionaire!!!

Apt and true.

I hope the counselling helps to keep building that resolve.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Evening duncs,

Had a nice wee chuckle at your joke lol. I would never have made it out the bookies with the 500, bit like the chuckle bro's act... too you too me.

I know I am stronger than the habit, so each morning I grow even stronger the habit becomes that bit smaller. I look forward to the day it is microscopic.

Cheers for the support fella wishing u all the best also.

Stay strong

Derek.

Hi Delboy,

Of course you are stronger than this destroying habit. You have to believe in yourself. It will not be easy, not at all. But as you said, taking it day at a time will make the problem to get smaller each time.

I wish you all the best in this journey, stick to your diary, read and post. It helps a lot.

Day at a time

Take care

Sandra x

Day 7

Feeling really tired today, mentally drained. I keep thinking about my counselling on Wednesday, don't know what to expect etc etc. Prob wrong to be thinking about it! I should just focus on the day in hand.

Yet again the boys in work have been teaming round with the fantasy football leagues and football coupons asking my thoughts, thankfully the phone in work has never stopped so I think you can guess who has been first to pick it up.

I downloaded something called "cleantime counter" for my phone today, it tracks the days, hours, mins and secs since my last bet. I prob not use it to keep tallies on my progress that much. The good thing I found was I was able to attach a picture and a message, so when im feeling a bit low I will open it read the message and look at the pic which will reinforce how important this change is to me.

Looking forward to the next 2 days, myself and wife are both of and when im with her its so much easier, maybe something to do with the list of jobs she gives me lol.

Have I missed gambling this past week? The answer is not one bit....

Enjoy your evening folks.

Derek