My Diary

Good luck in recovery, you've started on a journey which leads to a better life.

I'm guessing bookies was your vice?

That was mines, everything that moved but particularly FOBTs.

I gambled for 22 years and tried to stop for most of that time.

Latterly I was gambling daily, sometimes visiting a bookies multiple times daily.

The habit has to be broken, I found myself stopping at a bookies when I didn't even have money on me, the habit was so much ingrained in the head.

Self exclusion is the first step, whether that's shops or online (or both), remove the ability to gamble easily.

Hand finance control to a partner/family member, no access to cash means the ability to gamble is again reduced.

Gamblers Anonymous or counselling? Something to think about in the coming weeks.

The first 2 steps I mention are vital whilst your in this frame of mind, if you don't SE and hand finance to someone else you may return to gambling.

Chatroom I find a great help, 8-9 every evening, honest advice from those who have been/are going through this.

The first week is difficult, I won't gloss over that fact, take it one day at a time though and the week will be under your belt and you will feel much better for it.

I wish you well.

Well... Day 1

I won't mull over the facts but my last bet was yesterday on the National and it won. Collected it, spent a tenner and walked out. Yeah, I walked out above but that isn't the point and not the start I had in mind. Some people may say (outside these forums) it's just a tenner, but it is more than that.

I sit here and reflect on that behaviour, am I an addict or just a creature of habit? I tell myself I had a reason to walk in to w**********l to collect yesterday's winnings, and that is true. But I also could have walked stright back out, and didn't. I suppose that the journey really starts today (oddly). I sit here watching the boxing, and have no urge to gamble, normally I'd have money on the boxing as that makes things more interesting, or does it?

Tomorrow will be a challenge, it is Sunday and I have work. My local bus stop to go home has a l*******s, and everyday I have waited I've had a bet. Tomorrow I aim to just read a book and wait for the bus like any other commuter. Let's see how that goes. I hope to type a message of positivity, and am determined to do so.

It's a good sign that you walked out with money still in your pocket, I'm guessing last week you would have lost every last penny?

Day 1 is where everyone has to start, take each day as it comes.

I'm guessing you never self excluded when you were in, that would have ensured you never visited tomorrow?

I'd strongly suggest you do that at the earliest opportunity, be prepared with a recent colour photo that way you don't have to re-visit, one visit fill the form in.

If that isn't feasible tomorrow it might be best instead of waiting at that stop to walk on to the next stop?

Kill some time and remove yourself from the vicinity?

Time, money & location - all 3 are required to gamble, all you have to do is remove one but better to remove all 3.

Day 3,

I have not gambled in the last 2 days. As of yet I do not feel any happier as I do go through periods where I do not gamble however they are periods when normally I do not have money. Due to the National I won quite well and have enough in my account to gamble so I would say I am doing what I set out to achieve.

Self exclusion is not something I have considered as from working in the industry I know it is a pointless exercise, as that is only as good as the manager behind the counter. For me, I feel I can beat it without going to those lengths. I have discovered that when I do gamble it is a behaviour out of habit and it is a habit I need to break, and can with an element of determination.

I have discovered that I do probably gamble for the money, not for the big pay out as from managing the places I know how rare that is, it is like rocking horses s**t. I do it for the quick £100 or the quick pay day, however not getting a win in a day or 2 I would spend that kind of money, so what is the point? Why do it? I'm going to monitor my finances and see how much it improves from not spending unnessarily and aiming to not gamble out of impulse. Onwards and upwards!