My diary

But you haven't ruined your life! You can clean up a mess. Get everything put back in order. It takes time to do it properly but the end result is worth it.
Just a small step a day, that's all you need. Start today Stephen. Dismiss the negative, think the positive. Go for a walk, clear your head. Think about what you want. Never ever give up. Sending you a bucketful of strength.x

Ah I'm feeling motivated this morning. Can't have a night like that feeling so low .

They do a bus pass scheme in work . Basically they pay for your annual ticket and then take it out of your monthly wages. The deadline to apply is Wednesday so I'm gonna apply for it tomorrow.

Great news!!! I knew you could do it!
It's sooo easy to drag yourself down. This addiction sends your thoughts into a downward spiral.
There's your first step, apply for your bus pass! Show this addiction you're taking control. No more walking miles to work - besides it'll enable you to have more time at the gym haha!! X

Stephen

Well done on the bus pass and hope you get that sorted. Really when you hit rock bottom there is only one other way and that is up! So keeping fingers crossed your life will brighten up a little. It is hard work but will be worth it in the end.Joining a gym is easy these days and you can pay monthly and you will meet some good people. Keep going to the counselling sessions - you have to give them and yourself a chance so stick with it. There again it is something to keep you busy and you will meet other people who are maybe worse off than you. You are also helping them when they listen to your story. Take between now and Xmas as a challenge to set yourself a budget scheme for your monthly wages. Have a balance sheet ready as soon as they come in. Its simple - In column (Wages) - Out column i.e. Food for making sure you eat during the day - Travel expenses - Any rent you may pay to your Mum - Allowance for yourself if you want to go to the cinema, buy magazines, gym membership.

Whatever is left - try and open a savings account and put it in there instead of going down to the bookies etc. Watch that money growing and save it up for something like a holiday.

If you find yourself heading for the bookies then train your mind to say NO, turn your back on the shop window and walk away. Go into a coffee shop and treat yourself to a cake and coffee. Stay off the alchohol, eat good meals regularly, get good sleep. I know you have hit rock bottom but there are many reasons that you should persevere to have a better life. You are young, able to hold down a job whatever you have been going through. You are a useful member of society Stephen and you are worth so much more than you think. These are very good reasons for you to motivate yourself to get out of bed in the morning. I think it would be a great Xmas pressie for LML and me to know that things will get better for you so that you can have a happy relaxed Xmas and New Year. Please try and take the advice of all your kind supporters above Stephen. Have a good week. Take care.

Thanks for the comments LML and gamparent. Ill have a proper read after work.

Just wanted to say that i have applied for the bus ticket for next year. So next year i will be able to get the bus and the money will automatically be taken from my wages. So, i do know things will look better and it wont be such a struggle.

I've had a bit of a rubbish evening tonight with a few things not going right for me so it cheered me right up when I read your post.
It's a great idea to get your bus pass sorted. I hope you're feeling more optimistic today.
Brilliant advice above from gamparentanon. A good diet and rest is a must for your well-being.
Thanks for sharing your news. I look forward to hearing more in the future. x

Just wondered how you're doing Stephen?
Have you got that gym membership yet?
Hope you're still feeling positive.
Even if you haven't managed this week, don't stay away. Keep posting. x

Hi Stephen, just want you to know you have people who think about you on here.
Sending you a hug to help you through the day. It's Sunday - a day of rest for many. Make it a good one. Do something for yourself which will make you happy x

So I was meant to be getting counselling from dunlewey services . I rang them because I rang them a month ago looking for help. The woman said she thinks the counsellor has a waiting list . It's amazing how people how little regard for others . Even counsellors. That's the thanks I get for asking for help . Being put on a waiting list

Hi Stephen, I have just done my second over the phone councilling with Dunlewey today had to wait about 3 months, guess they are pretty busy,but have to say was worth the wait was good to talk to someone and get things of my chest.... hope you can get sorted soon

I rang dunlewey counselling and told me I was never told there was a waiting list and that my help doesn't begin when the counsellor feels like helping me .

So I took my name off the list and the woman said she was pass the feedback on . And she was a lovely woman so I made sure she knew it wasn't about her .

I'm done with gambling. Whatever happens in life I won't gamble .

I want to die . I wanted to die when my mam told me I was nothing when I was 14 I wanted to die when my alco dad robbed from me .

So I'm gonna spend my time doing something else. Don't look for help. People will only help you on their terms

Hey Stephen, hang on in there man. I know how difficult it is and how low you can get when you feel hopeless but there is hope man.

I know how lonely it is too mate and in a sense you're right, we can only rely on ourselves and our recovery has to come from within. But you can do it, just keep your focus on getting better and doing everything in your power to make it happen. I know that might make it sound like it's easy when it's not, but you can make this happen for yourself mate and I'm sure you know that deep down. Don't let the b******s keep dragging you down there's so much more to life than this.

Hang in there mate, give gamcare a ring even to just talk to someone, might not feel like it right now but things can get better.... dont give up on the councilling either didnt think they were ever going to get back to me , but they did and have found it a great help.... keep fighting.

I really don't know what to say Stephen other than it sounds like you have had a really rough time of it and at such a young age too, therefore none of it could have been your fault.
I can understand you being upset at not being able to receive counselling straight away but having your name down for it to come up in a few months time has to be better than never at all. After all you've waited this long and it sounds as though you could really benefit from it, don't dismiss the idea completely. Have another think about it when you're not so upset about it.
Sorry I don't have the right words to say. I Just want you to know I'm thinking about you and that you are special. I look out for a post from you every time I come on here. You deserve better and in time you will have a better quality of life. Hopefully that can be sooner rather than later, would be great if you could achieve it with a bit of help and support.
Never give up, you can move on from this x

I'll stop gambling today . No more

The feelings I have will stay with me until I'm at peace.

Nothing really helps. Not unless you accept the help on other people's terms .

Today I'm alive . If there's a god I'll be dead tomorrow