My diary

Stephen - I echo all that is said by the really kind people above who are willing you to see that there can be a good life out there. I think you need to go to your GP where you may get some medical help and maybe they can get counselling a lot quicker or please ring the Samaritans or a group like that today if poss. You have obviously had some bad experiences with your family that have scarred you but Stephen - please convince yourself that none of that was your fault and to be told you are nothing at 14 should not play on your mind now. I think everyone has something to offer in life and nobody should ever be written off as "nothing", at whatever age. That may have made you feel rubbish at the time but you have managed to get a good job, pass exams and hold on to that job despite it. In my eyes that makes you very much a hard working employee and you have not let those comments stop you achieving. If your father robbed from you then that is also not your fault and you should not feel any guilt for something your parent has done. Keep reading all the posts above and get comfort from that support. Try taking some of the advice about the gambling. You already had a positive cheery post about the bus pass so I know you have the capability to try. I will say one thing, it does not help to be too reclusive - try and mix with other people if poss, even if it is just to smile at someone at the bus stop, say good morning, quick chat about the weather or the late buses! Please post on here later on or tomorrow to let us know you are ok. Take care.

Stephen

It's really worrying that you are feeling so down and yet you are rejecting the help that is out there. I know it's not ideal that there is a waiting list but believe us when we say it's not a case of 'when the counsellor feels like' helping you. It will be a case of limited resources. Taking yourself off the waiting list is not helping yourself. As gamparentanon suggests, try looking for other surces of counselling as well.

It's particularly worrying that you are saying you don't want to be alive tomorrow. You need to get help for these feelings. Can you tell your doctor? Contact the Samaritans on 116 123?

Keep posting regularly becuase it will help you to keep checking in with a community of people who all have the same goal as yourself.

Best wishes,

Deirdre

Forum Admin.

Explain to me gamcecare how I'm refusing help.

I looked for counselling two months ago. Was told they had someone perfect for me and they would ring me back. I heard nothing since then . So Thursday I was drunk and decided to tell them to go f***k themselves .

I asked for help. I got no help . Explain yourself gamecare

Hello Stephen,

Is it right that you are based in Dublin, in the Republic of Ireland? GamCare doesn't provide services in Ireland, so it is good that you approached Dunlewey. From what I can gather from your diary thread, it sounds like you were on a waiting list to see one of their counsellors, and you asked them to take you off the waiting list, and that is probably what my colleague was referring to in her post. It is good that you reached out for support and we would encourage you to keep on doing that. You might also benefit from the support of your doctor and other local services in Dublin.

https://www.samaritans.org/branches/samaritans-dublin-branch

Take care,

Forum admin.

Stephen

From what I am reading there are 2 things you need to address as well as the gambling - and I have said this so many times to you before - and am speaking of how this affected our gambler. The drinking - if you cut down or stop the alchohol you will be able to think more clearly. Also any anger issues you may have. Swearing and aggression will get you knowhere except the risk of you isolating yourself even further. How would you like someone saying that to you? What makes you more angry if you have had a bad day? - taking comfort in the alcohol - it is only making your emotions worse. Like the gambling it is a quick fix with bad consequences. You have to keep plugging away at the counselling. The GA meetings are easy to go to as you did the other day. Use those until your appontments come through. Ring helplines and especially use the Samaritans link Gamcare have given you. I have spent many hours trying to help you and offer you ways of helping yourself . Look back at those posts and see if you can put some of it into practice. We, including Gamcare, are not physically there to help you but the fact that we have all spent so much time with you means that people as far away as England are constantly rooting for you. But sometimes I feel I am banging my head against a brick wall with the support I am offering you as a parent figure. You are so angry with the world that it is blocking your vision. Please take a deep breath and try and calm down. Read all your supportive posts, read other posts where people are in dire situations, ring Samaritans, talk to people, write your feelings down. If you keep blocking the help people are offering you may find that the support will drift away. Gamcare have been brilliant with you as have LML etc. Sorry to sound a bit hard on this post but sometimes a bit of tough-support is necessary.

I will not be able to be on Gamcare now until after Xmas so I am really hoping you will absorb some of this meanwhile. I hope your target is to make 2018 a gfree year. Take care Stephen.

Please god kill me . I'm sorry for all the gambling and the bad decisions I made. I just want to rest in peace.

Stephen, I hear what you're saying but that's not the answer.
You won't want me to say it but why don't you ring or email the samaritans/gamcare. You can say whatever you want and will never be judged. Get it out of your system. You need to rid yourself of all the pressure that must have built up in your head.
You're worth so much more than you think. I don't know what else to say other than take care and I'm sending you a hug. You can get through this.

Hello Stephen,

Please talk with your GP about your feelings and your alcohol use, if you are feeling depressed or if you think that your drinking is problematic. Our forum guidelines include the caution "You may also wish to avoid posting when under the influence of drugs or alcohol". http://www.gamcare.org.uk/support-and-counselling/frontline-services/chatroom/chatroom-and-forum-etiquette#.VGOJC19FC71

If you sometimes have suicidal feelings you could also talk with a Samaritan on their free helpline 116 123

https://www.samaritans.org/branches/samaritans-dublin-branch

Take care,

Forum admin.

Stephen

It is good that you are sill posting on here and I am sure you are getting some sort of comfort from talking to people on here. Hope you keep talking. However, it needs to be said that it is no good asking anyone about medication apart from your GP. As someone said, you could be taking on another addiction with medication to blot out the gambling. I know for a fact that just turns everything into one vicious circle and you could end up with more than one addiction. I am afraid that you are not really reading or absorbing the really good advice that everyone on here is giving you. We all know from your early posts that you have been able to pick yourself up, be it temporarily, but you did achieve - so we know you can do it. You have had so much amazing support on here, support that would have and has motivated many others. But for some reason you refuse to budge and help yourself. And you do have to help yourself at some point and we are all here to motivate and support you with that. I will give you a list to work on again - up to you now if you act on it or ignore it. I am sorry to sound hard Stephen but you are young and we know you have a good brain in your head and can hold down a job - so use all those good qualities to sort yourself out. Life is too short to not at least make an effort. Do it for your Gamcare supporters - give them something back.

1. Stop or cut down on the drinking. If that is a problem book in with AA.

2. Ring Gamcare to talk to a counsellor and listen to what they have to say and don't kick off at them or anyone.

3. Ring Samaritans if you have hit totally rockbottom

4. Book an appointment with the doctor and tell him about your gambling addiction and any other worries

5. Get advice on handling your money - and organising your life - go on to Martin Lewis money expert - he is fantastic tips. Even go to citizens advice or your bank for advice. If you are in debt ask Gamcare to point you towards debt agencies.

6. Start a diary on here with day 1 gfree today and aim to make 2018 g free.

7. Make an effort to mix with other people even if it is only 5 mins a day to start with

8. You mentioned the gym - running, swimming. All inexpensive ways to keep busy and meet people

9. Set yourself a goal to save your money for i.e. a nice holiday, bike, new TV, new clothes.

Will not be repeating this list again so read it carefully and start actioning it and ticking off things as you do them.

Good luck for 2018 and let us know how you are getting on.

Hi Stephen,
Just wondering how you're doing?
I had to hunt far and wide to find your last post!
If you still look in, it would be lovely to hear from you. I'm sure gamparent would love to hear too!
Hope you're keeping well and are still managing to get your transport to and from work.
This recent weather would not be very pleasant if you still had to do those long walks!
All good wishes x