My diary 2017

That's great Panders. Glad things are going well. We ourselves have been looking at ways to save money etc.. and it's definately benefitting us. Day 42 and going strong. The thought of gambling/wanting to has not entered my head at all/as yet. Long may this continue. X

Checking in on day 46, gambling free is the way forward in life.

Day 57. I can't believe I've come this far and the thought/want/need to gamble has not entered my head. Online slots were such a massive part of my life, or should I say took over my life for a number of months and were my main thought process for that period of time. I played at home, at work on my phone, whilst waiting for my child to finish school, the journey to and from work, whilst socialising with friends and all the while everyone was oblivious. I didn't want anyone to know about my addiction and I carefully kept it all to myself, lying to people, pretending everything was okay, it was not okay, far from it. I was going mad inside, horrible thoughts of how I hated myself, wishing a truck would drive into the side of me, just to end the feelings of this horrible addiction. Worry about money, anxiety, stress but for some reason when gambling I didnt think about losing the money I just kept playing for the win, that inevitably when it comes or if it comes, you always put back in anyway. I love my life right now focusing on normal everyday things and not worrying about money or relying on a win. I'm skint for sure as every month now practically all my wages goes on debt, debt from giving my money to online slots!! I never want this to happen again, telling my partner was the best thing I ever did, he still doesn't understand and probably never will. I'm not sure that I do, but I know I don't want to do it anymore. How I felt whilst gambling gives me the strength to not want to ever feel like that again. Long may this continue.