Hey Everyone.
My second time on here, and this time is the real deal! Im sure you;ve all read this a thousand times but this Ive finally come to my senses and Ive realised in time before I lost everything what I need to do. I cannot gamble in any form ever again in my life. I now know this and acknowledge this and that I am not strong enough to have the odd bet here and there.
My story goes like this : I started working in a bookies when I was 18 as a part time job and had not ever gambled before this. I started to love working there and enjoyed my job immensely and started to take a keen interest in horse racing. This turned into me starting to bet myself and enjoying days at the races etc. Before I knew what was happening, after 2 years I had become a gambling addict. I was gambling on anything and everything from cartoon racing to dogs to football, if you could bet on it then I would. I was wasting my entire wages in days and then lying to friends and family for the remainder of the month trying to cover this up. This all came to a head when one day I was found to have placed a bet with my own company which is strictly forbidden and I was subsequently sacked.
It was at this point my world came crashing down and I had to face up to what I had been doing instead of burying my head in the sand and hoping it would go away. It was at this point I realised I was over £28,000 in debt with absolutely nothing to show for it. The company I worked for were very good with me and arranged for me to get counselling through Gamcare and I found this to be very helpful and this helped me get to the bottom of why this had happened.
I managed to find another job but it wasnt particularly well paid but I still swore that I would pay all of my debt back (credit cards,overdraft and loans) and would not gamble again. I found this ok to begin with and although I wasnt paying very much off the debt, it was coming down slowly and I hadnt gambled. This was until fairly recently............
I became complacent which is the most dangerous thing I can advise to any recovering gambling addict. I got it into my head that a bet here and there wouldnt do any harm, and started to gamble again. This lasted for a little while and then I found myself gambling more and more and not really believing that I could stop although I knew I shouldnt be doing it. I was depositing money into my online accounts using credit cards again and was hooked, although again at the time I did not acknowledge this. This all changed on 18th February 2017 and my hand was forced.
My wife knew that I had had a gambling problem when I was younger and came home to find me with football betting slips all over the floor. I tried to say that I now just bet £5 on a Saturday but the slips on the floor added up to £20 and she could tell that I wasnt being truthful with her. She quite fairly wanted access to my bank statements and I gave her this and eventually broke down and admitted that I was gambling again and didnt know how to stop. She was absolutely brilliant and although quite rightly she was furious because of the amount of money Id spent that I should have been paying off debt (which she had been helping me with), she vowed to help me and stand by me. She took control of my bank card and I gave her access to my log ins and now she gives me the money I need so I no longer have access to any money I dont actually need. I have also self excluded myself for 12 months which is the maximum I could do and I have closed all my online accounts and installed gambling blocking software on my phone and laptop. I have also started counselling sessions through Gamcare which I have had 3 of so far and Im finding them very helpful once again.
I have also created a spreadsheet which I outline any social events or financial commitments at the start of each month and then I know how much money I can afford to pay off my debts and I am now starting to see real progress with this, and each chunk I pay off works as a snowball effect, as it reduces the minimum payments so I can pay more off the next month. It feels brilliant to actually see my money going to good use instead of feeling helpless as I blow it all again. I have also told my close friends about this so that they are not going to ask me to go to any races or casinos or anything which has helped greatly as well.
Im currently on 67 days gamble free and this will grow and grow as I get stronger. I know though that it can be an easy trap to slip back into, so Im determined to keep on top of everything this time and would be grateful for any tips or advice anyone has for staying gamble free once youve done it for a while, to avoid complacency. I know I CAN NEVER HAVE ANOTHER BET IN MY LIFE EVER. That is what I need to focus on and am doing presently.
I plan to update my diary at least once a week to keeo things sharp and focused in my mind. Thanks to anyone who has taken the time to read my post and I look forward to sharing my journey with you and I know we can all get through this by helping each other.
Cheers
Ian
Interesting story, working in a bookies must have been such constant temptation, I couldn't even imagine, so although when you got sacked your world came crashing down it was a blessing in disguise, it made you look and realise the extent of the problem, also enabled you to be in a job without constant temptation.
Keep up the good work! Just think in about a month you will have been 100 days gamble free!
- Chris
Wishing you all the best for your recovery - seems you have your head screwed on and understand you can never go back - if I can offer any advice I'd also try and take up something else to stave off complancy whether it be running, seeing friends, cycling whatever it does help deal with boredom or looking for a thrill . Anyway what do I know I'm only a little ahead of you . But really am rooting for you . All the best
Evening All. Thanks for your kind words! I really have got my head screwed on this time and my focus is still very strong! Had my latest Gamcare counselling meeting yesterday and if this isnt something anyone isnt doing, I would certainly recommend it. Being able to talk through things with someone who doesnt judge you and is simply there to help is brilliant. Hi Pwm, I am already quite a keen runner but as you suggested Ive thrown myself into it a lot more to try and keep my mind occupied! My debt is coming down and my self esteem and general all round happiness levels are going up! 74 days not out 🙂
Evening all! Just thought Id pop in again, see how everyone is getting on! Day 80 here and still going strong! Hope everyone is staying strong and focused, you know we can all do it!!
Hi Ian.
Both you and I are on the same number of days - day 81 for both of us today! Well done and continue to remain strong and stride forward.
Take care.
Our Lady
Hey Our Lady! Well done, thats a brilliant achievement, you know you are doing so well, we all are!
Not having a great day myself today, not tempted to gamble or anything like that but just in a place of beating myself up for where I am and the level of debt I have because of my old ways. I havnt really had a day like this since I gave up and its bloody hard. I have been dealing very well with what has happened and know its all under control and is going the right way, but the debt is still just a reminder which I hate. And it triggers feelings of what Ive put my friends and family through. But ultimately I know they are all right behind me and I am going to do them proud.
A very hard day 83. Onwards and upwards. Stay strong everyone!
Hey everyone! A much better day for me today, feeling positive and seeing real progress on my debts on payday is always a real positive for me and helps me see the bigger picture. I've come to accept that I will have difficult days where I struggle with the past but on the whole they are few and far between and I just keep trying to remember the counselling that explained I am simply someone who had a gambling problem, and its just part of me but doesnt define me. Even bought some new clothes today which is almost unheard of for me! I hope everyone else is doing well, and just remember you definitely can do it but it takes commitment to change your behaviour and put any and all blocks in place that you can. Day 90 and feeling good, Onwards and upwards!
Well tomorrow is day 100 🙂 And Im feeling as strong as Ive felt since day one! Really in a great place with life at the moment, being able to stop gambling has given me so much more perspective and my mental health is in a much better place as a result. Ive taken a much keener interest in my running and am sticking at it for once and I am actually taking my first ever driving lesson on Wednesday! Iive always wanted to drive but been to scared for some reason but my belief that if I can stop gambling I can do anything has given me a new lease of life!
I still have all the available barriers in place as Im not getting complacent at this early stage but my mindset is still as black and white in terms of gambling as it was on that very first day. I've found my counselling really helpful as it gives me somthing to focus on and also my diary here is a good focus point. I still only withdraw the amount I need for the week and then keep all the receipts to show my wife if she ever wants to see them and she still has all my online debit/credit card log ons so she can check from time to time but I can tell she trusts me again now which is great.
Its great being able to see the difference me not gambling is making in terms of being able to pay my debt off quicker and being able to actually do nice things with friends or family without wondering about whether I can stretch to it and spending the money on gambling instead.
I hope everyone else is having some success, but dont worry if you fall off the wagon. Its not easy in any way, but in my experience the more people that know the better. And try to look at it as ' I had a problem with gambling at one point in my life' as opposed to ' I am a gambling addict' . I think this is helping me to look at it as a part of my life I can move on from and not something Im saddled with forever.
Onwards and upwards, Best of luck to everyone. Back again soon 🙂
Evening everyone. Day 114 here! Going strong at the moment, no real urges to gamble and making sure I keep my blocks in place and dont get complacent. Think I had a real breakthrough last week regarding the cause of my gambling whilst at my counselling and it all seems to make a little bit more sense now! That was the one thing really bugging me, as to why I kept doing it even though I knew no good would ever come of it. Im also starting to move on from the guilt phase and focusing on what I can do going forward instead of what has happened in the past. Im also trying to use my time to do more productive things and Ive started to learn to drive which is something i could have never afforded in the past as any 'spare' cash would have been wasted in the bookies! Ii know theres still a long way to go but Im definitely on the right track at the moment and still have 100% resolve to keep going! So if youre struggling and cant see the light at the end of the tunnel, keep the faith and start again, you can do this!! Hopefully my next post will have some very exciting news! Good luck everyone.
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