My Diary - Day by Day

I don't for one minute think it is easy, goodness only knows it took me decades to accept I had a problem 🙁 I also spent an inordinate amount of time trying to fix myself & that was without another CG flaunting it (Mum has the decency to be embarrassed/lie to me & we're not close) or a baby to take care of! Accepting help has gotten me here, where kind people like you pop over to my diary & post nice things...Thank you 🙂

It's not just about Paige going without...I never did either, but there's no getting away from the fact that I grew up in a household of addictions & ended up treading the same path!

It doesn't matter where you start, just somewhere would be better than carrying this burden alone. Maybe the GamCare advisors? You want to gamble because it promises you an escape from your worries & whirling mind but the reality is it just hurts & you need help making sense of everything you are trying to deal with.

Well done for getting through last night. Recovery is hard but it's not impossible, just keep taking baby steps - ODAAT

That's why I stay away sometimes as well chick. It's not easy. We have beat it before and we can do it again. Sometimes bottoming out is the only way to get it in to our thick skulls and stubborn selves haha.

It is complicated, but we'll get there, cos we are strong and will show that on the outside again eventually 🙂 xx

Day 3 - 20/8/16

Thanks both. Some wise words said X feeling a little better today. ODAAT is what I will do for now. I have a load of issues to deal with and I am sure I will get out the other side of all of them at some point

Same old question: what are you going to do differently this time? Or are you going to stick with what you know with the same results?

You may have problems or issues but so does everyone else. You're not unique and your problems absolutely don't stop you doing what you need to do to overcome the addiction.

It's your choices and your actions that count.

CW

Day 4 - 21/8/16

Im not sure CW what I am going to do different this time at the moment I am just trying to cope.

Learn from my multiple mistakes.

Morning,

It's up to you whether you gamble, no one can stop you and you're not answerable to anyone else, at least short term. But if you do want recovery, something different is needed. Nothing changes if nothing changes.

If you're seriously choosing recovery, then it has to be an all out and effective effort done for your own sake. Otherwise it doesn't work, you just get the same old cycle of some gf time followed by a blow out.

"Staying strong" is merely words and doesn't get rid of the loopholes; using the strength that you do have to take the actions that are going to help you (real blockers or ditch the devices, parental controls, unlinking your card from the websites, counselling, meetings), that would be you doing everything that you can to help yourself. Strength/ inspiration plus action.

Wish you well.

CW

Cyber hug right back at ya chick xx you'll figure it out eventually. We both will. Have a feeling, like me, you have walked to the edge a few times before but something always happens which signifies enough and suddenly the strength is just there. Would be great if that time came sooner rather than later! 🙂 xx

Day 5 - 22/8/16

Could crumble today but I wont

Hi W2S,

Well done on 5 days, nearing a week now ☺. I suppose you're still in a lot of pain which is understandable. Any suggestion, advice will go through you without notice. I was/am the same. Hardly listen to good points raised.

Listen girl, it is very hard to do it with willpower alone. I guess it's even impossible. You have a fear...what is it? What is your fear? I trust your OH is treating you well and you can be open about your feelings. Why you don't talk to him & explain how important blocking the devices are. I am not the one to talk about it because i am open to a war zone with my devices. I draw my strength from other souls and the reminder of pain gambling brings. .the worst feeling ever huh, it crushes the soul down.

You have good friend on here. Maybe getting that friendship rolling would help you more? I know it did to me that's why friends are really important to me..no matter what stage of gf days they are..they are simply here no matter what & understands.

Don't punish yourself for the past mistakes. We can always start afresh. Just start somewhere..little steps ☺..break your hours down. It does help. I am like a yo-yo recently and today is really toughie but i put that space between me and possible "nasty" by doing lil things as going for a walk (started as a run lol...but here we go..an hour walk it is 😉 )..cleaning car, washing up & just about to do evening hoovering round da place..anything...even talking is cool (with yourself i must add ☺).

You can do it. Just keep pushing. We, we are fellow cg..we want you to get better, we see your pain and confusion and want to help. No advice is bad intended.

Allow some kindness to yourself, this alone will definitely start the ball rolling.

Chin up! Be kind to you

S x

Day 6 - 23/8/16

Great words Hopeful Soul - Just what I needed.

Planning a trip to the docs - see where that takes me x

Day 7 - 24/8/16

1st week down x

Day 8 - 25/8/16

Money went in bank today - paid it all out so even if tempted I cant gamble

Day 9 - 26/8/16

Can't deny it was tempted earlier but I didn't give in. Payday so had access to money

Day 10 - 27/8/16

Double figures

Day 12 - 29/8/16

Doctors booked