My Diary - Time to stop gambling for good.

Thanks ODAAT your comments are very true, I have done many things I am ashamed of due to my gambling addiction and this is easily the worst, I have agreed to transfer all the kids savings to her, it is a temptation too much for me and I do not deserve her trust to let me keep it.

We have not yet fully discussed this issue as kids and us both been poorly this weekend, I think it's time for me to totally honest with her about my GA, I can no longer hide it, yes this may push her further away but I need her to hear how this has taken over my life and for a long time hasn't been a choice it has been an addictiion.

I feel I can gain her trust back but I need to prove it, there is nothing now in the closet in terms of debts or lending that she does not know about. She opens all of my post, I am committed to my recovery, now I am committed to getting her trust back and paying back the money I stole.

I'm at the bottom now time to rise up and fight.

P's 57 days GF, just over 8 weeks.

Today is a good day, today is a gamble free day.

Day 60 GF

Almost at the 2 month stage, so much going well with not gambling.

But this awful addiction has taken so much, I could still lose everything, so treating each day as it comes. My partner is very upset and hurt and I cannot blame her one bit, I am facing the consequences and being honest and truthful, we will see what happens.

All I do know is that today is a good day, today is a gamble free day.

Thanks for stopping by GT, by the bottom I meant in my relationship with my partner not gambling, I have hopes we can get through this but it will be a long process, I have done ok so far but this is very early days, I genuinely never want to gamble again, but I have been here before (4 months gamble free being my best stint) I need to be realistic and treat each day as it comes. I have a lot of triggers that I feel I can now control, I just need to keep the will and choice not to gamble.

Day 63 - 2 months gamble free.

So my partner is still v upset, I have been honest about my past and answered her questions, I have agreed to withdraw the child trust fund and transfer to her, she is right when she says the temptation will always be there if that money is accessible (which it is).

I am trying to right my many wrongs and keep these feelings of guilt, hurt loss of trust etc when the next urges to gamble come on. I am apalled when I check my bank statements, but more importantly I am appalled I have stolen from my children, that is the Lowest of the low. But I will pay it back and more so, not just the money but also the love and attention they deserve as my mind is no longer preoccupied with gambling.

2 months gamble free, I have a mini holiday in2 weeks with my brother and will need to very much be on my guard for that, but I am a stronger person now than 63 days ago and I can do it.

Today is a good day, today is fathers day and a gamble free day.

It's work in progress as yes, you did do 4 months before but was everything on the table then? Had you sunk to your rock bottom? I don't think so! Now you have shocked yourself & hurt yourself by what lows you went to, it is unlikely that you would be giving them this much consideration if you were still hooked up in the midst of it...Now is your time! You are already a different person to the man that started posting & it's great to hear you planning to make amends for the lost time 🙂 It's not just about money to the loved ones & there are some great threads on the friends & family section about separating love & financial trust! Staying on your guard goes for every day but more important around triggers!

Have a wonderful, gamble free, Father's Day & keep winning - ODAAT

Thanks for stopping by GT and ODAAT

GT like I have already stated I completely understand how she is feeling and treating me it is no less than I deserve, I need to gain her trust back and hopefully yhat will come day by day. For her it is more the lying that she cannot deal with and this is something I am working on. You are right I could get severely down about that past but I cannot change it I just have to chanel the feelings for the future build up a bigger resistance to the gambling demons.

ODAAT - you are completely.right, in my last recovery my missus did not.know the truth, I hadn't reached the lowest of lows, unfortunately it took a severe relapse to make me realise I can never gamble again I cannot control it thus I must do.everything in my power to never do it again. I have hurt too many people for too long, it's time to get the good me back, I have started and I will continue this road of recovery, each day has its own challenges, but I am in control, I want to change, I have so.much more to give. I am.giving my recovery my full attention, I am building the bricks to my own Kingdom.

Today is a good day, today is 64 days gamble free.

Ooo, I use bricks too...Building is completely beyond my ability but Duncs told me to keep a couple to hand to smash Mr Gamble's face in should he come knocking 😉 I haven't needed them yet but I'm staying on my guard!

I love reading these diaries, yeah you have a lot of work to do but now it is all out there you are giving recovery your all 🙂 It's great that you know the good you, I didn't realise I liked me til I hit the recovery road running!

Keep working on the missus...If she's anything like me, she sometimes may not even know why she's mardy :-0

Keep choosing the good days - ODAAT

Day 70 (10 weeks) gamble free.

Feeling another sense of achievement today, now into double figures with weeks. My will remains as strong as day 1 and I know it's a choice. I'm still using the triangle with keeping cards at home and avoiding spare time and opportunity. My next goal is 100 days gamble free in a months time.

Things still not great at home, but there are no more secrets or lying so I am just answering all the question's that come, I hope in time things can get better but I have to gain her trust again and I will work at that.

This week I also confided in a close friend and shared this diary which was a big thing for me as I am quite guarded about my feelings and showing my flaws etc. She has been very supportive and adds to my growing barriers never to gamble again.

Recently I have not had any dreams or urges to gamble, but I am still very much on my guard and take each day as it comes.

This week is going to be my hardest week as I go on holiday with my brother for a few night on a golfing holiday, these holidays would normally involve gambling and where we are going has a big casino nearby,but I have already put blockers in place that we won't be going and will be honest with my bro so can stay clear. I am confident I am strong enough to avoid, even when the triangle will be in place. If I am struggling I will reach out on here or to others. I definitely do not want to go back to 0.

Today is a good day, today is a gamble free day.

Day 73 gamble free.

Tomorrow I fly abroad for a holiday with my bro, my triangle will be complete so this will be tough.

But gambling is a choice and I must be strong enough to ignore the urges and think of all tg negatives that gambling brings.

These last 10 weeks have been really hard but I remain fully committed to my recovery, I will not give in, I am desperate to keep my name on the 2015 challenge as achieve my next goal of 100 days gamble free.

If I get any urges I will come on here.

Today is a good day, today is a gamble free day.

Day 80 gamble free.

Had a great holiday and no gambling in sight, I even came back with over 100 euros, that would never have happened previously. I have passed a massive test and feel really good about that, the goal of 100 days is getting ever closer!

100 days equals a reward and think some more golf balls are in order, so they symbolise every 50 days a new sleeve of balls.

I've just joined a gym and my marathon training will begin shortly, looking forward to that challenge!

Debt is slowly clearing and is a long way off but I will get there.

Thanks for stopping by Phoenix, was great to hear from you, I still hope you find the strength to abstain again. Then we can celebrate milestones together.

Today is a good day, today is a gamble free day.

Good things come to those that wait and by not gambling you have had a brill holiday with money still in your pocket. Congrats on nearing that 100 day goal. Sounds like a six pack in the making too! lol and I know from the training my daughter did for this years Marathon, you will be stronger both physically and mentally.

Mary

Day 84, 12 weeks gamble free.

Been a week since my return from holiday and no urges to gamble. I have been really busy recently, which has been tough, but have no inclination at minute to gamble

I'm paying off my debts steadily and still strange to not juggle money for pay day loans etc. Pay day this week and I'm not broke. There will come a time when I will need to get used to seeing money in my account and I may even go back to councilling for this as all my working life I have been if I have it I will spend it.

Today is a good day, today is a gamble free day.

Thanks Mary, good to see you stopping by, yes some new golf balls will be well deserved and marathon training is really going to push me both mentally and physically, I'm looking forward to that 🙂

Day 87 GF

Today is a good day, today is a gamble free day, today is payday, today is the first day in many years that I have no pay day loans to pay off, Today I have money in my account, today I have hope, today I pay off more debts, today I fight this addiction, today I Remain focused on my recovery, today I lead a better life, today I am happy.