My first diary!

hey flagg...

deleted my ranty posts and thank you for being there today along with john and the ladies...

Yes...spot on with your observation...i uses my diary often as an internal dialogue and what you read is coming straight out of my head...raw..

Today I had an urge to drink on resentment...and all that stuff i would have tried to squash down.It always comes out disjointed and is a mix of past and present.

wine still unopened but swilling in tea and coffee....

Thanks again and am feeling heaps better....often it is a small seemingly unrelated trigger that prompts the tirade....an iceberg moment.

take care and keep posting...

Rachel and Dotty xxx

Morning Morning,

Day 80 - Well in my 80 days of recovery so far I certainly have not been around the world! However, if I was still gambling I would probably have lost enough money to take a round the world trip! Money is interesting for me in recovery! I was considered quite savvy with money and I admit there was a time after university and early in employment that I saved money I started a pension, got life insurance and was pretty tight haha!

As a compulsive gambler I lost sight of what I was, money meant very little, the numbers on screen were irrelevant and I ended up losing thousands! Now I have stopped gambling, my barriers are in place, and someone is looking after my money for me I've taken more of an interest again! It's a strange phenomenon in that I know what to do, I'm good with money and numbers and I like to be involved but, I cannot handle money and I cannot have access to it as the CG would rear his ugly head and overpower the bright, money savvy individual that is returning currently!

I try not to talk money too much in recovery as its pretty much the last thing I need to worry about currently, my debt management plan is in place and all the bills are being covered but today I bring it up as 80 days into recovery I was thinking about what we talk about when explaining our addiction! Much of what we say revolves around what we lost and how much debt we are in! It is only in recovery we come to realise the addiction is far more than financial pain infact debt and finance are prob the smallest part of our problem once broken down!

Not really sure where all the above just came from but I like to bear certain things in mind sometimes! Plus if I remain gamble free there is the possiblility that next year will be the best of my entire life with so much to look forward to!

80 days today and another day closer to my first big milestone of 90 days! One day at a time I can reach that milestone and beyond!

Day 80 - Savvy!

Morning,

There is every possibility that next year will be the best year of my life.

I for one bloooody well hope so. 80 days , good on ya,

10 till the ninety , already penciled down my post in preparation .

Have a grrrrreeeeaaat day.

Dusty xxxxxx

Thanks for the post flagg, Yeah today is a bit like the weather dark in places with bursts of sunshine every now and then.

I really do need to go to my meeting tomorrowm its just been so mad in work but ive even cancelled and declined meetings today with that purpose in mind.

80 days only 10 from your target, I really agree with your post flagg, even though ive settled some debt for me this hasnt been about money or debt one little bit, it was the fall out from when i stopped gambling.

Your doing brilliant carry on doing what your doing and this time next year..... Its yours to grab by the short and curlies. lol

Enjoy the rest of your day flagg

Blondie x

80 days...fantastic Flagg,

keep on keeping on.....straightening up and flying right brings the freedom...and the view is fantastic..

take care

Rachel xx

Good afternoon,

Day 81 - Not very often will you read this but I dont have much to say today! Feeling quite content and getting on with my work for a change! Might even try a run after work! Might!

GA tonight last week I felt I needed my meeting like a little shot of medicine this week I'm going in a positive frame of mind with very little to report on the gambling front!

Day 81 - I'm ok!

Good afternoon,

I too am feeling quite content at present. So it must be contagious ,

Nice night for a run.

Nothing to report because you feel ok, sounds pretty good to me. Enjoy your meeting.

Dusty xxxx

HI Flagg,

Enjoy your meeting im still on track to make mine... hmm you dont go to the same one as me do you lol....

Anyways nothing to report and content sound just perfect, I reckon rach and dusty will let you on the ledge no problem...

Take care

Blondie x

Hi Flagg,

I just wanted 2 say thanks for ur kind words on my diary and continued support it means alot.

I really like how u try 2 find the positives in every situation. What u write always makes alot of sense to me... so again thank u 🙂

I hope ur meeting goes well 2nite!

Stay strong and keep going 🙂

hiya Flagg ..just a pitstop before lights out....

no not a chatter ...afar too chatty just on here....lol..

I just didn't know how it worked..thought it was actual voices !!!....don't think the chat side is for me as im way too gobby....lol but i know lots do use it and get a lot from it....

glad to see your also keeping well Flagg ...take care now and keep on keeping on...

had some fun today and smiling : )

Hugs

Rach and dotty xx

xxx

Morning Flagg,

Thanks for your words on my diary, seems i needed a kick up the b**t to see all the good that's happeneing and not too dwell for too long!

Glad to see you are staying strong and work is improving, even getting in a run as well!

Flagg is staying strong and life is getting better!

Long may it continue

Smiling Lucy

Good Morning Diary,

Day 82 - Thought I better get an early post in today as it could get a bit mad at work! Consecutive days with not much to say which is prob a good thing but I am aware that I went through a similar phase a few weeks backs and followed it up with a really rubbish week where I felt very low! So, I won't say much other than I'm ok but I'll be on guard against a low period!

Day 82 - On Guard

Hey flagg,

Your powers of deduction are brilliant your right im not 60 or a brummie lol, im a "Mad for it" Manc and im errrmmmm 40 ish..

Yes i made my meeting last night and im so glad i did, it was a bit stressfull trying to get there on time what with crashes on the motorway and dog collection then dog walking, but i made it and it was worth the rushing about.

Maybe having nothing to say just means your going through a "calm" period, I think im starting to realise i dont need to live my life at 500 mile an hour pumped full of adrenalin and im appreciating the calm more and actually enjoying it..

Ive taken my G.A medicine and all is well in the blondie house.

Enjoy your weekend flagg.

Blondie x

Good afternoon,

Day 83 - Nice peaceful day today just watching a film with my sister, no thoughts of gambling, no urge to gamble just really pleased to be free of it and living a day to day existence without it!

Long may it continue!

Day 83 - Content

Good afternoon back,

Content , makes two of us.

Funny really , if a few months ago someone had told us we would be sitting at home( I am assuming you are at home) on a Saturday afternoon, no thoughts of gambling, no worries or stresses about money , no guilt or resentment to ourselves over our latest dip of our toe into the world gambling. Feeling content in ourselves . We would have said yer right and sniggered. The prospect seeming so removed from the place we were in.

But today content, bloody marvellous is what I say.

Meeting you same time , same place next Saturday and we can both wallow in our contentment once again.

Me with my Wispa (choc bar game) you with a ???

Dusty xxxxx