My New Life - 22nd Oct 2017

Mixer wrote:

Hi Moorey,

I have a lot of time for you, my friend, and welcome you back to the Challenge. But much, much more than that - let's help you find yourself again.

All the very best, as alwsys.

Mixer

Thanks Mixer! Feeling much more confident this time around because I've made a couple of changes to my last couple of attempts at quitting. Including counselling, which I'm waiting to hear back from this week.

I love being gamble free. I feel like a far more honest person. I feel like I have nothing to hide. Gambling makes me feel dirty and pathetic. Being gamble free enables me to look at myself in the mirror and not feel shame and disgust.

I've loved these last couple of days! Drinking hot chocolate at night in front of the TV whilst listening to the raindrops fall outside.

Such simple pleasures that we take for granted when we're too busy gambling our lives away.

Well on the 22nd October that changed for me. I want to lose the anxiety and stress that gambling brings.

I'm ready for the challenge ahead!!!

i'm now 3 days clean from gambling. Had a nice day shopping with my mum, went out for a lovely lunch too.

I just wish I could have been more cheerful inside. I'm still smarting from events 3 days ago but I know I shouldn't beat myself up about it I'll try and not let it get me down. If anything it'll serve as a useful reminder as to what gambling can do to us. I don't want this feeling ever again. It sucks!

Coming up to 4 days without a gamble!

It’s nothing to write home about yet, but I feel that I have to update this diary on a daily basis to feel good about moving in the right direction.

I’m beginning to feel a bit more positive about things today.

As compulsive gamblers, we want things to move on quickly. We want the days to accumulate far quicker than they do.

But we have to stay strong and patient!

Anyone who is currently gamble-free is moving in the right direction. That’s all that matters right now!

Today I’ve been dreaming of the Christmas countdown....

1st December is my birthday and in my eyes is the start of the Christmas countdown (which I love!)....

What better way to start the Christmas countdown than with my birthday, a big wage (for extra hours I’ve done...), and 38 days free from gambling.

With all that, why on earth would I want to risk ruining that scenario for the possibilty of a few extra quid....but with the liklihood of being further damaged financially.

No thanks! I’m going to make Christmas an amazing one this year. No hiding how I’m truly feeling because of gambling losses. I’m going to be sitting down at the dinner table with a genuine smile on my face as I tuck into my turkey.

Sorry, it’s a silly post.

But I thought I’d write it down so I can look back at it in times of feeling low and in need of a boost.

Happy Thursday people.

Moorey

Also managed to get myself down from 11 stone 13lbs to 11 stone 6lbs with some hard work this week! Focusing on getting fit and trim again! 🙂

I’ve just closed my PayPal account. I logged on to see the damage from the past few weeks and it was very ugly. Quite upsetting actually.

So I closed my account down.

That way I don’t ever have to look at those deposits again.

Maybe I should have kept them to remind myself of how gambling can destroy your finances.

But I want to move on with my life. I want a completely fresh start.

I associated PayPal with gambling so I wanted rid. Good riddance.

My mobile phone is beginning to feel clean again. 🙂

I used to spend upto an hour looking through my thousands of photos on my phone, reminiscing about happy times with my family/girlfriend.

That all stops when I’m gambling.

I’m going to have an hour tonight looking through them again. And then I’ll make more time over the weeknd....

It’s the little things like that....

Off to make myself a hot chocolate and to settle down into a box set.

I’m feeling pretty happy tonight 🙂

On to Day 5....

A busy day ahead which is always for the best. Looking forward to getting a week under my belt.

I feel like I've let a few people down on here this year. I need to prove that I'm serious this time.

I've still got my eyes firmly set on that Christmas dream. I want to go out in a few weeks to start some Christmas shopping, with a clear and happy head. No dark clouds.

Hope everyone has a gamble free Friday. Let's all tick off another day....

Moorey

Thankyou for the post Moorey, much appreciated.

That is an excellent target Christmas Day and quite poignant, it will surely be a happier time for all of us without gambling ruining everything. Take care ....stephen

Day 6 - must admit, gambling is currently the last thing that I want to do right now. Which is surprising given that it’s a Saturday....

I’m enjoying the peace of mind that not gambling gives you.

Today marks 1 week free from gambling.

First mini milestone ticked off.

Getting urges to gamble today but immediately trying to find replacement activities.

Sunday would usually be a big betting day with all the European football that’s on, but today I’ll concentrate on going for a run and getting things done around the house.

Moorey

Hi Moorey,

Thanks for the post on my diary. Shame to hear that you're getting urges today - they're incredibly annoying aren't they?! I'm glad that you're staying focused and pushing them aside and getting on with your life.

How did the run go?

Stay gamble free. Another week and you're halfway to a month!

adam808 wrote:

Hi Moorey,

Thanks for the post on my diary. Shame to hear that you're getting urges today - they're incredibly annoying aren't they?! I'm glad that you're staying focused and pushing them aside and getting on with your life.

How did the run go?

Stay gamble free. Another week and you're halfway to a month!

The runs have been going well this week mate. As have my gambling urges. But inevitably, they will always come creeping back into your mindset, especially during the early stages of your recovery.

Thankfully, I’ve not acted upon them which is the most important thing.

I’ve put my mind to something else instead.

Day 9 - Today has seen less urges. Although I can’t lie, there was a moment earlier when I was wishing I could put a coupon on the Champions League football tonight. But where would that land me? On a downward spiral to further losses and further financial trouble.

It’s just not worth it.

I’d much rather take satisfaction in looking at the amount of days I’ve abstained for and looking at my bank account to see no stupid transactions made during that time. It looks normal for once.

So tonight I’m going to keep away from the football and watch something else. Maybe I’ll check the results before I go to bed.

Another day defeated....

Moorey

Into double figures. 10 days free from the evils of gambling.

Busy day. No real urges. Onto the next....

Day 11 - Things starting to look up. I can finally feel myself being there in MIND and body in situations with my girlfriend/friends/family.

I feel like I’m able to properly concentrate on what they’re saying to me, rather than just nodding, smiling and thinking about my next bet.

Waking up in the mornings are lovely. No guilt. No feeling bad about the night before.

Long may this continue.

Day 12 - Woken up with a slight hangover after drinking too much last night. Tough day at work so I thought I'd try and relax with a quiet night in in front of the telly. I'm not in work until later so it gives me chance to sort myself out for the day ahead.

Not much to say on the gambling front. No major urges which I'm pretty pleased about, given the European football that's been on this week. I've steered well clear of it to be honest. I have to for the time being.

Determined to turn my life around and to enjoy a gamble free Christmas. I envied all those around me last year who were able to enjoy the day with seemingly very little worries. This year, that'll be me.