My New Life Starts Here !!!!

Hi Darren

your diary has really hit me hard. I am the wife of a cg - I found out Sunday that he has got us in £45k of debt. This is the second time round. First time I said I would leave if he did it again but I haven't kept that promise. This time is slightly different in that he confessed this time without me just finding out. He also went to ga on Tuesday and is going again tonight which he did not do last time. We have two young children. Two girls who are too young to understand what is going on but both I am sure know we are sad.

I know he feels exactly as you do and I also know that if this happens again I will prob do as your wife has done as I feel I would not have a choice. However I love him and he loves me. I am sure your wife loves you as although the trust goes, love doesn't just disappear. Keep going she may just change her mind if you continue to seek help. All we can all do is hope.

Good luck to you x

Hi Rhoda & Jennifer81

Many thanks for your kind words, Jennifer I can probably relate to how you are feeling as I can only imagine how my wife is and know it will be a lot worse. I wish I could of done what your husband did and tell you but I couldn't as I thought people would see me as a failure and it took my wife to find out for herself again which has hit her very hard I know ! Like you and your husband we both love each other very much and can understand where she is coming from when she says she doesn't know if she can live like that as you say all the trust in the relationship has gone ! As I've said though if I've got 1% of a chance I will fight tooth n nail to win them back, unlike you situation my kids are that bit older n it's***t them hard I know, hopefully your daughters are young enough they won't understand and that when they grow up they won't or don't have to know there dad is a compulsive gambler !

Hope the GA meeting are helping your husband as I know they do help me and also coming on this forum helps me an awful lot. Nice to hear from you and I shall look out for how things are going !

"It's good to talk and take it one day at a time"

Darren

Hi Darren

Thank you for your message. Just keep going you are doing so well. Keep up with the meetings - whatever it takes.

I will be looking at your progress as you do give me hope for my own situation.

Take care

I got a call from my councillor yesterday saying she had a cancellation that afternoon and did I want this appointment ? I jumped at the chance to have my 1st session and even though there were a few emotional moments during our meeting I felt so much better than when I first went in and felt a good connection with her and am looking forward to my next session next Tuesday and hopefully getting further in roads as to why I gambled uncontrollably!

Today is day 37 GF

Hi Darren,

Firstly thanks for your kind post on my thread. It means a lot that people are taking the time to read and comment.

I have been following your thread and really feel for you mate. I could so easily be in the same position with my wife and I could still possibly be however we are working at it. Keep going to the meetings. I missed the last couple of weeks due to work commitments and at the start of this week was basically an a******e to be around. Then I was at my meeting last night and I felt like a different person 2 hours later. As you say, it's good to talk, and the fact we are talking to people who are in the same position makes a big difference.

The advice I got from a lot of people when I first came on here and hadn't come clean to my wife is that actions speak louder than words. I'd said it all 4 years ago, that I was never going to gamble again and everything would change, and 6 months later it all started again. If your wife can see that you are making a serious attempt to change then hopefully your situation can change. Going to GA, counselling, putting the proper blocks in place... it all makes a huge difference.

Anyway, good luck with your recovery, I'll follow your progress with my fingers crossed for you.

PA

Hi Darren, thanks for the post on my thread. It's a tough road for all involved and I can honestly say that I don't know where this journey will take me. I'm sorry to read the impact gambling has had on your life and relationship. As you have said above actions do indeed speak louder than work and you need to use this time wisely and strive to be the best you can be. Trust is incredibly difficult to build once its been abused - keep working on you and becoming the person you want to be and hopefully the relationship will can start to build from there. Take care.

Hi just a little update, today is day 40 GF and feels so good I'm working hard and taking it one day at a time but am looking forward to reaching that magical 50 or am I looking to far in front I ask myself and trying to run before I can walk again, let's just look forward to day 41 GF !

Had my youngest stay over last night with me, I picked him up when I finished work and we got a Chinese together which was really nice then that was the last I heard from him as it was Xbox all night for him lol, but was just nice having him around me something I miss on a day to day basis very much, we are both off to watch his older brother play football this afternoon which will be good. Still no speaking with my wife as I still feel embarrassed being around her and to be honest she doesn't want to see or speak to me at this moment as she is still very angry and upset by everything that's gone on. I have my 2nd councilling session on Tuesday which I am looking forward to and will be trying a new GA meeting at Preston on Friday night as my shifts don't allow me to attend Carlisle meetings for the next couple of weeks and rather than miss these meetings I am going to one I have never being to before and looking forward to it as I feel these do really help !

"It's good to talk and take it one day at a time"

Darren

Hi Darren,

Hows it going? How did you get on at GA?

PA

Hi Darren,

I too will be following your story. I really hope your wife does come round. It will take her a while to trust you again but like you said, you're willing to do whatever it takes.

Have you thought about writing her a letter? That way you can put down exactly how you feel, what you're doing this time different to the last time and it can be as long as you like. That way, you won't be around when she reads it and she can read it in her own time.

LHN x

Hi all,

Just an update as to what's being going on over the last few days since I posted, first of all and most importantly there has still being no gambling and today will day 43GF !!

Yesterday was a tough day and a day I was dreading to be honest since I got that txt message from my wife saying we need to discuss finances and all other stuff that's going on. To be honest I was very nervous about going round not about finances but more of being in her company as I still feel ashamed and embarrassed being around her for what I've done. We talked for about an hour and half with regards what's gone on and what's going to happen, to be honest I got no indication from her either way as how this is going to pan out but my brain was trying to analyse everything she was saying and I was thinking do I have a chance of sorting thing out or not ? some snippets give me a chance and somethings that were said don't so really I don't have a clue, the major thing I am taking from the meeting is her saying "actions speak louder than words" ! I know I've got to do everything for myself and intend to do this and prove people I can kick this awful addiction and just hope in time and it's going to be a long haul I can work things out with my wife. We sorted out finances amicably and have decided for the next 6 months that my wife and kids will stay in the family home and I will continue to rent where I'm at now and then we will review the whole situation but as from the day I was found out we are now separated and free to do what we want she told me but I've told her I don't intend to do anything but prove I can kick this addiction and try and win my family back !

After the meeting with my wife I then had my councilling session which went really good but yet again I got very emotional in this meeting speaking about my family and everything that's gone on in the past, but it felt really good by the end of the session and seem to be making inroads to finding out why I gambled like I did and am looking forward to my next session next week. I couldn't attend my usual GA meeting this week as my shifts didn't allow but I am attending the GA meeting at Preston this Friday which will be a first but something I am looking forward to very much.

LHN I have already wrote my wife a letter as to what I've done and everything as I am not very good speaking face to face with people and wanted her to know how ashamed and embarrassed I am with everything that's gone on.

"It's good to talk and take it one day at a time"

Darren

Hi Darren.
I have just read your diary and thought it was written about me. I am in a very similiar position with my wife. She has told me that we have no future and she wants a divorce as I have chosen gambling over her and the children. I love her so much but I can see where she is coming from. Like you I am going to continue to show her how serious I am about my recovery. I will look forward to your updates and wish you all the best. Try to keep talking to her and show her the true you.
Howard.

Yesterday I went to one of my good friends house as it was his 50th and his sons 18th to whom Im Godfather. There were lots of people there and some who knew my situation and even though these people knew I still felt uncomfortable being around them. The night had gone as well as it could of given these type of events we use to attend as a family, I had a few glasses of red wine and decided to ring the kids as I do every night to speak and see what they have being upto. This is where my emotions and reality set in even more as I rang both kids a few times and got no response, I sent texts to them and still no response at this point I started to feel myself get very emotional as to why the kids weren't answering my calls or texts and decided I would make my excuses and depart from the party. I left and started to walk to my rented accommodation and cried all the way back as to why my kids were not answering there phones !! Once I arrived back through my door I got a call from my youngest and just hearing his voice give me a pick me up and we chatted for a while and I told him I loved him very much and miss him which I do every night. After coming off the phone to him I went to bed but cried myself to sleep thinking about all the carnage gambling has caused me and my family. It's horrible not seeing your wife and kids especially as it was something that happened everyday. I woke up this morning to find I had a missed call from the eldest and apologised to him for not answering as I had fallen asleep, I couldn't tell either of them that I cried myself to sleep ! Gambling is a horrible addiction/illness and I intend to wipe it from my life and lead a normal life, hopefully with my wife and boys once again in our family home albeit this is a very slim chance but I'm not going to give up !!!

Howard we don't think about our families whilst we gamble mate do we and the consequences that come from us gambling !!!

"It's good to talk and take it one day at a time"

Darren

Hi Darren

I'm just on the way to my weekly counselling on the train and have just read your powerful diary from start to finish.

I love your motto and also your iron discipline as you, day by day, update your dairy and empty your thoughts. I feel for you, and feel your resolve. I know you must be wondering what on earth made you dive into the gambling abyss again ... but ... who is anyone to judge; it's a vicious condition this.

But we can manage our condition Darren but it takes support as you know. Don't ever feel you're on your own; you have an army of people here who care and want to help you manage this monster.

Easy said, I know, but try not to look back too much. You know full well what got you to this point and here's where you are. It's all about what can you do to make yourself more secure and happier within yourself, and once that happens your new more postive vibes will run off on others.

The time for apologising is over in my opinion; your family know how contrite you are. It's now about standing up, head held high, and showing yourself, first and foremost, that you are going to damnedness to control this, day after gritted-teeth day, this time. Time for the real Woodley to re-emerge? The one not beholden to this demon? Slowly, but surely, this is the thing to do, and every GF day will see you get back to that blessed 'normality' to which we all aspire.

Who knows what will happen in the short, medium or long term. Can you influence things? Certainly, you can be happier. Because being GF is cathartic. Its a start, and a good start. It's never a bad thing to create good luck!

It is great to talk, as your motto says, Woodley. Keep talking mate, and, day by day, we are with you.

Well today is the day I reached 50 days GF and I wouldn't of thought that would of happened anytime soon whilst I was gambling !! I won't say it's being the easiest of days as earlier on today I had my 3rd counselling session and became emotional about talking of things in the past that have happened in my life and that might of had an impact without me realising this, but I've got to admit I seem to be getting a lot from my counsellor and the session do go very quick as we are always discussing things and reasons why events have happened in the past with regards gambling. It has also being my pay day today which is not really an issue but was a nice surprise that I got a little bit more in my wages that I was anticipating, but that joy didn't last long ! I went to collect the car from my wife as I need it early tomorrow to get my Dad to hospital and she mentioned that the key seemed to be sticking in the ignition, I said I would take a look at it later. It wasn't till I parked the car up where I'm renting that I couldn't get my key out of the ignition, after a few minutes I managed to get the key out but I then took it to the local garage I use for them to have a look at and he said the guts of the ignition are collapsing and it would need a new ignition barrel at a cost of £400 fitted !! Wow I thought to myself and many a time I would of gone and gambled to try and pay for that but not today, instead I rang another couple of garages to see if they could quote me and I won't know till tomorrow when I drop the car round for then to have a look at but there is a spot on the internet that refurbishes them for about £200 which is a lot better than the initial £400 quote. My son has just not long rang me which I thought was unusual as it's normally me ringing him to speak and I was greeted with "Dad I've smashed the tv in the small room" ! I replied how have you done that son and his response was that he was playing on the Xbox and winning when it totally froze and he got angry and smacked the tv causing the LCD screen to smash and no longer work !! How I kept my cool with him I don't know, it's probably as I don't see him everyday now as to why I was quite calm and talked to him about it and to be fair he has offered to replace the tv out of his own money but being a soft Dad that won't happen will it. In a way he's only punishing himself as he was the main person that used that room to play his Xbox. So to say it hasn't being a trying day is an understatement but I've still managed not to WANT to gamble and will take it one day at a time !!

Mixer thanks very much for your words, it means a lot when people are taking there own time to read my diary and post replies.

"It's good to talk and take it one day at a time"

Darren

Well done on 50 days Darren !

I am 3 days behind you so don't let me overtake - looking forward to my Day 50.

Stay strong & keep posting. Suzy