My New Life Starts Here !!!!

Hey Darren

Lovely to read how well you are doing and how you are remaining gamble free, despite your personal situation. Making plans ahead of time really helps to give us something else to focus on, especially, if we know our triggers, which is a plus that you do.

Life and family matters will always become better the longer we remain gamble free. I hope there will be a positive outcome for you but I remember being on a training event some years ago and the trainer saying "you can't look after anyone else until you have looked after yourself". At the time, I thought, "how selfish that is" but I came to realise that this was so true. So Darren, please continue to look after yourself and stay strong and focused in your abstinence. Only then, will you be able to look after your precious family.

Take care especially this coming week. I am confident you will manage this well.

Our Lady.

W

Have been reading your post with interest as my family member was in similar position as you. From experience it is good to separate yourself from your closest family, hopefully it will be temporary and eventually a happy ending. It is easier to think more clearly when you have stepped away. The distance also makes you miss your family and makes you realise what you are risking losing. It also gives you time to make recovery plans like GA and perhaps look at your finances. Always a good idea to get someone else helping moniter your pay, cards etc. It sounds like you are on the right track now and setting targets of looking after your family and keeping in touch with the kids must be such good goals to aim for.

Someone on here has set up a Cheltenham support thread, can't remember which forum, but have a look. Lots of people seem to be appreciating it.

Really glad you came on here and wish you and your family a happy future and keep talking!

Thanks for your kind words Our Lady and you are right in saying we have to look after ourselves first ! Well this week is a particular testing time for me as a big horse racing gambler it's the World Cup of the racing world these next few days. I was at work yesterday but I'm not in work till tonight and it's about keeping myself busy and not gambling ! I must say it's very hard not to think about Cheltenham and gambling with all the advertisements that are about on radio and tv and people on about it, but I'm focused on not gambling today and I have my councilling appointment at lunchtime and the having a bit of dinner with my mate after this, so before I know it, it will be time for work. Life feels a lot better without gambling in it and hopefully in time my family life might start to get better !

Darren

Hi Gamparentanon

Many thanks for taking time to read my diary I always appreciate people who take their time to read it. Sorry to hear of a family member in a similar situation but you can probably relate to a lot of things I've said then, I hope they are doing well by the way. As you said it's easier to think more clearly but on the other hand I absolutely hate not having my wife and kids around me and that alone should be the biggest incentive for me to kick this habit and yes I to hope it's only temporary but I have also not got to be selfish and I only want what's best for the 3 of them. Unfortunately I've got to manage my own money but I'm being very careful with it and it's also helping me get a value on things again. I will check out the Cheltenham thread if I can find it.

"It's good to talk and take it one day at a time"

Just been catching up with your diary Darren, you are facing your demons head on. You may not be with your sons full time, but it sounds as though you have a close and loving relationship, maybe more so than when you were at home in body, but your soul was on the race course. You are teaching them such important lessons at the moment, how to deal with addiction, heartbreak, adversity in general. I think it's so important for kids to see the ups and downs, so that when they experience the downs they are equipped to face them and not be overwhelmed. Thank you for sharing your experiences, I too have learnt from your diary this morning.

Well I must say I found this week with Cheltenham being on a bit easier to manage not having a bet than I thought I might of ! Life feels good not gambling and I just think how much I potentially would of lost at Cheltenham and have a little smile to myself knowing I haven't lost one penny or my mind like I did when I was gambling, yet I do feel sorry for all those that will have misery in there lives after Cheltenham but obviously they don't want to tackle there problem ! I kept myself busy and my close friends knew it was that time of year and were in touch every day checking things were ok and how I felt which I was very appreciative of. I am now 81 days GF and must say I thought I would never of got anywhere near this but it feels great, I still have no clue which way things are going to go with my wife but I have got to keep doing what I'm doing for myself to have a better life and just hope we can work things out. Councilling sessions are going great and very helpful along with attending my GA meetings which I will be at again tomorrow. Just a short update but a positive one and that's what matters !

"It's good to talk and take it one day at a time"

Darren

Hey Darren.

Great to read that you are still doing really well. It's also good to read that you are still "looking after yourself", we have to do this first, before we can begin to look after others. Well done too, getting through Cheltenham.

Take care and have a lovely gamble free Sunday.

Our Lady.

Hi just a quick update, still no gambling in my life and must say it feels great not gambling as you don't have to try and cover your tracks and remember what lies we have told during the time whilst we are gambling in secrecy, I have being very busy at work which is keeping me occupied and my wife wants to talk so fingers crossed things hopefully will go the right way and we try and sort things out albeit I know it will be a long road ahead.

"It's good to talk and take it one day at a time"

Well what a week it has being, I had talks with my wife on Wednesday and i honestly did ever imagine that by the time we had talked about things for nearly 3 hours that at the end of it she would ask me if I wanted to move back home and for us to work things out as a family, to say I was happy was a total understatement. We decided to tell the boys of our decision on the Thursday evening and from the smiles on there faces they were very happy for their Dad to be coming home. I moved back home on the Friday evening after work and I've got to admit it felt a little bit funny moving back even though this was my home. Me and my wife had a nice run out up the Lake District today and had a nice meal and spent quality time together and this is something I have missed doing and something we intend to do a lot more. We both know it won't be easy at times and that the only person who can control my gambling is ME but she is willing to support and help me along this road to recovery in order for us to lead a normal family life which is something I want very much. It feels very surreal that I am writing this update on my diary sat back in the family home with my wife and boys, something that I would never of imagined of this time last week but wouldn't change for the world as I'm still on cloud 9 that she is willing to give me another chance and something I am definitely no going to let go this time !! I'm looking forward to my GA meeting tomorrow and my councilling session on Tuesday and talking about these with my wife as the one thing I've got to be from now on is open and honest. Hopefully if I keep doing what I've being doing this week will see another milestone for me in reaching 100 days GF on Thursday. To say life feels good at this moment in time is an understatement but I know how bad I felt when I was gambling and something I don't want back in my life !!

"It's good to talk and take it one day at a time"

So lovely to read Darren and just so happy for you! Hundred days (and beyond)! Here we come!

Take care and continue to have a lovely g.f week ahead.

Our Lady

Hi Darren,

I'm absolutely delighted to read of your good news. It's fantastic to be looking forward to the future with your family without the gambling and the lies and deceit isn't it.

All the best, PA

100 Days GF yesterday !! This is something i never contemplated whilst i was gambling as my mind was focused on gambling and gambling only !!

Hi Woodley3,

congratulations on your 100 days gf, and so pleased to hear you have now moved back to the family home.

Wishing you continued success and focus on your journey,

All the best,

Forum Admin

Hey Darren, well done on your Century!!

Fantastic news about the family, I could feel the happiness when I read your post....You've been given a second chance, grab it with both hands & don't let go 🙂

Have an amazing GF weekend, you deserve it!

Mari x

Well it's 10 days since I moved back home and I am just getting use to being back around around my wife and boys 24/7 but I will says I much prefer this than living on my own, I've been given another chance and I'm not going to let it go this this time. We both know that there will be trying times ahead but it's down to me to be open and honest with my wife now when thoughts of gambling come into my head or anything else that might lead me back to gambling. I know I've got to do this for myself first and formost like I said at the beginning but my wife has said she will be there to support me, which I'm very grateful for. I attended my GA meeting in Carlisle last night which I find very helpful, as we are in a room full of people with the same issues as ourselves and people just seem to connect. I've got my 8th councilling session through Gamcare today and must say I've got so much out of these sessions, I'm glad I have done these as they have answered a lot of question for myself as to why I might of gambled through my life.

To say life feels good at the moment is an understatement as Ive got my family back around me and we intend to do a few family things together over the Easter holidays which will be nice and even me and my wife spending time just on our own will be nice. I also know that I could go and gamble at anytime and I have to very aware of this and this is why I've got to take it one day at a time and talk to people and ask for help when I feel I may gamble again, this is something I have never done before as I would never open up to anyone about anything but I've got to change for myself to try and lead as normal life as possible !!

"It's good to talk and take it one day at a time "

Darren