Dear Diary,
I have decided to start a new thread. This is not the first time. I do not know if it will be the last, but I hope so.
My last threads bring me great pain. I was doing so well with recovery. I had abstained for a number of long periods, but complacency recently got the better of me. One bet and I forgot about the pain and suffering that it previously wrought on others and my self.
I need to do some soul searching. I need to try and understand why I keep failng. I am tired with life. I am very depressed. I am impatient. Frustrated. Bored. But, mostly tired.
I want this weekend to be my last weekend of shame. All is not lost. There is much to look forward to, but I never seem to get there.
I need to remember that gambling only makes things worse. One bet is all it takes put my addiction back in control. I cannot win win because I cannot stop. I cannot win because I cannot stop. I need to remember.
There are a few things I need to do:
- I need to stop gambling
- I need to apologise to my wife
- I need to read my GA Handbook and get back to meetings
- I need to buy myself a simple phone and throw the android into the river
- I need to think positive
I will post again tomorrow when all has been said and done.
Mark
Markman.
Fella I believe that keeping your old thread would be great 'medicine' not just for you but many other authors here to boot.
I will simply write this.
You write of a 'need' to do things,that need has to become a want my friend.
My good lady wife brought your new thread to my attention today, her words 'markman is back with a new diary I hope that he seeks full time recovery as appose to his part time commitment to recovery'
I guess she has been here from the start recovering too and there's a point to her comment.
We started here much about the same time and I wish you the same happiness in recovery that I have found.
Fella it's there, only you can decide if it's yours for keeps.
I sincerely hope so.
Abstain and maintain
Duncs stepping forward never back.
Many thanks Duncan. I can do no better than say thank you.
Please be aware that I accidentally flagged your post as abusive!
I will let Gamcare know!
Will post again soon.
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