Hello
I made a post in another section on this site about my story and my gambling background, I will be using this diary for myself and I promise on will be honest throughout. I will use it to write down now I'm feeling and hope that it will aid in mine and anybody else reading recovery. Please feel free to comment if you feel to.
Just about to get through day 1 after a slip up yesterday resulting in a loss of over a 100 quid. Today in have experienced mixed emotions as I keep going over my losses in my head and wondering how stupid I was. It's amazing I've received 2 emails from 2 casinos that I self excluded from yesterday both offering me a reopening bonus of 100% deposit match; they honestly do not care that I have told them I have a gambling problem. Why would I want to give these sort of people my money, they try their best to maintain and clean image but they honestly couldn't care less about us. I'm almost developing a hatred for them. Anyway I still have some money left, all be it a lot less than I started with, I have a look of things to look forward to and a family that cares for me.
Onwards and upwards
Jim
Fella I won't add the hopeless part because the truth is there is hope,a huge well done for addressing your own gambling issues at the tender age of 19,my friend it took me twenty years of relentless gambling to realise that there would only ever be one winner.
The bookie.
There is no cure,medicine to stop us from gambling,but there is a new mindset.
The mantra we all follow is the same
I CANNOT WIN BECAUSE I CANNOT STOP
No matter how big the wins the relentless gambling continues until you have nothing left,without doubt for me the stakes got raised hugely over the twenty plus years,to feed the greed that gambling brings.
You have installed a blocking software I read for that well done.
the best advice I can give you is there is a triangle
Time-Money-Location
take one of those three away at all times and the punt becomes impossible,gifting the rational side of your brain time to think.
Embrace the things in your life that reward you,you really do have the rest of your life ahead of you,don't be another like me who twenty years down the line has to start again in many ways and has a mountain of self made debt with nothing to show for it.
Take things a day at a time,be proud of the fact you have wised up before deft becomes a huge factor.
Most of all ENJOY living.
I look forward to reading your contributions to the forum
Duncs stepping forward never back
I'm very grateful for that post Duncan, so glad I found this forum
Duncs right mate dont think after a while you can be controlled because believe you me mate,i will hit you harder than ever before.av do it from 13 its deadly mate.you have picked a cracking age to say enough is enough so stick with it mate.i have been through the wars wae the horrible s**t. 🙁
Scottyboy
Scottyboy
Appreciate the advice Scott I will take it in board, I'll keep you updated on here
Well into day 2 now and I have to be honest, I don't have the slightest urge to gamble. It's amazing how clear your thoughts are when your not thinking about gambling. I have been using these first few days to work out why I was gambling and have come to the conclusion that it was to escape some things I'm my life at the time and also the urge that I have to beat the 'system', the majority of the time I was gambling extra money to feel like I had taken something from these companies. It's crazy because the same casino I had lost hundreds at, I would have this amazing feeling when I would double my original deposit and cash out. It's like yeah I've beaten you today, even though you have beaten me every other day and done me for hundreds.
Anyway I'm feeling good, been doing a lot of erasing which I'm enjoying
Hi Jim thanks for your post on my diary. It gives me a real boost to keep going.
At such a young age you have come to the right place, in terms of wanting to beat the system I can relate to that but evidence of my 15k debt is proof that you cannot beat a system no matter what you may hear from others (I heard something about someone making money from gambling and the result was my most recent relapse).
The safest way to make money is avoid gambling and focus on growing yourself and enjoying life. I'm starting to see how stupid I was and how much of my life I have wasted so please stop now before you get into a worse situation.
All the best.
Dan.
Hi Dan thanks for that post, I can relate to what you said about hearing others have made money from gambling, I am the sort of person who hears that and thinks "well if they did it, there's no reason I can't do the same". Well truth is casinos and bookies love the small minority who do and publish their success. That's why every time you log on to an online casino, their is a list of the biggest winners over the past week or so. It makes S****** like us believe we can make money of this habit, when truthfully we cannot and anyway the people who do, invest thousands and have people who work for them who spend all day analysing.
Well I'm well into day 3 now and I'm feeling great, I'm eating better and exercising more and it's amazing my bank balance has only gone down a tenner in 3 days 🙂
I am trying not to get ahead of myself though and I'm sure I'm in the honeymoon stage right now and have read many diaries on here where people have relapsed a few weeks or months into their diary. Therefore I'm taking it one day at a time with a lifetime vision.
Thanks for reading
Well into day 4 now and had a couple urges to gamble which were pretty quickly put aside when I thought that I would have to come on here and tell you that I relapsed, that isn't going to happen.
Looking forward to hitting the week one mark now
Well done mate it does get easier keep up good work.
Scottyboy
Hi jim
Well done on your days keep going one day at a time keep focused and determined which will make you feel strong and positive because we can never win from gambling because we can never stop but are winning ever day we don't play
Suzanne x
HI Suzanne and scott, appreciate both your posts. Nice to know their is support on this forum, so glad I came across this.
Into Day 5 now and I'm already thinking more rational than i was this time last week, its amazing once your free of gambling thoughts, you are able to understand why you do things and I have often found that I act on impulse, now I am keeping those impulses at bay and looking forward to saturday to hit the 1 week mark. I have gone a week without gambling before but for some reason this feels different, It really feels like a lifestyle change for good this time.
Good to hear Jim, I like your positive attitude. Just be aware of any urges that come up and remember why your doing this and the benefits it will bring. You cannot win from gambling only lose. Keep up the diary too, it's something I look forward to every day and reading other stories only boosts my moral knowing that there are other people finding light and the end of the tunnel.
Hi Jim,
Well done on the first five days...the first step on a long gamble free journey for you. I always found the early stretch the worst as the feelings of guilt and regret were strongest, but you are doing really well to stay positive and push through.
Keep your positive momentum, and delete those emails from the casinos!
Ryan
Jim
fella nothing gifts the resolve than to see a new diary set off in the right direction,yours did just that today,for that I simply thank you for sharing
Keep making the right choice
Abstain and maintain
Duncs stepping forward never back
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