My recovery diary - honesty throughout

Afternoon guys

Thanks for your message Suzanne

Well I was away for a few days so this is my day 2 of not gambling, really looking forward to this time next week and get a week under my belt again

Hi jim

Simply well done and keep going

Suzanne xx

Thanks again Suzanne great to have your support

Well I've come up with another tactic in my recovery that should be beneficial to not only myself but to others aswell. Every time I feel the need to gamble I will log onto justgiving.com and find someone who will appreciate my money more than an online casino. The money I have spent in gambling could have changed some peoples lives entirely on just giving. I have done this twice already today and plan on doing it whenever I feel the urge to gamble.

Evening

Hope everyone has had a nice weekend, well Im feeling positive today and beginning to feel like I did again when I made it to two weeks gamble free, going to take this one day at a time and see how I get on. Day 3 nearly done, onto day 4.

Hi Jim,

Hope your doing well. I am about four or five days in abstinence myself - I bet I can go gamble free longer than you!

Your Justgiving strategy is interesting. Makes methink of the number of times I could have helped my family in need had I not gambled. It just shows how selfish this addiction is.

Stay strong!

Mark

Hello mark

Funny enough I was reading your diary before I came onto mine and found a reply from you which I appreciate. I can definitely relate to the feeling when you have an holiday or event coming up that requires money. Its so easy to turn to gambling to try and fund it but it never works out that way and you lose everything. Im impressed with your honesty on your page and will definitely keep an eye on it, and yeah we will see who abstains longer 🙂

Well today has been a weird day for me, for some reason I just woke up worried about money that is needed for things i have coming up, and just get this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach when I had a good few thousand in my savings account and wouldn't even worry about money. How I would love to go back to a time before gambling, well I am my own master and fully accept responsibility, if that means struggling with money for a while then so be it.

Wish everybody a good day, onto day 5 tomorrow 🙂

Evening guys

No real meaning behind this post other than expressing my current feelings as I said I would. Well I'm sitting here worrying about money and feeling so disappointed in myself and it's a feeling I just can't seem to shake. Maybe this experience will help me grow as a person, well being honest I'm not a religious person and I'm not really that spiritual but I do believe in the energy you create surrounds you and is felt by the people you are close to and I know I was a better person when I didn't gamble and I truly believe and have found in past experiences that when you make positive decisions daily, they always end up creating great opportunities for you and the people around you. So just a reflection and I'm sort of using this as a personal diary. Maybe as gamblers we need to describe what is really important to us in life, mine are as follows:

- My family, I'm so thankful to have my family who are so supportive as well as family members lost with whom I had the most amazing times with.

- My friends, as I have got older my circle of friends has definitely decreased in size but gained I strength so I'm really grateful for them.

- The opportunities I have, I'm not from a wealthy family and not from an upmarket area either but some of the opportunities I have such as going to university this year I am truly grateful for and it only puts it more into perspective when I watch the news every day and see the conditions some people live in around the world.

- The resources to learn - I believe that no matter how old we get we must always use every opportunity to learn and better ourselves in order to create better chances for ourself and our family.

I could go on all night but those are just a few of the things that are most important to me and believe me a gambling website would be at the bottom, apologies for the long and laborious post but my Brain is most active before sleep and I feel so much better after righting a post like this.

Wish everyone all the best

Jim

Afternoon everyone

Onto day 5 now and Im feeling much better after writing my post, helped me put things into perspective. Heres to another gamble free day.

Hi jim

Day 5 well done and yes here's to another gamble free day

Suzanne x

Hello again Suzanne

Thanks for your continued support, it does not go unappreciated. Well onto day 6 tomorrow and money is definitely tight, ended up going overdrawn and charged 30 odd quid by the bank. Well I must pay for the mistakes I have made. Wish everybody a great evening.

Hi hope

Better to be overcharged by the bank than seeing even more gambling transactions which will mean even more debt

Stay strong and keep going

Suzanne x

Afternoon

Day 6 today and feeling good, something Suzanne said about seeing gambling transactions stuck with me so I logged into online banking and found my statement from 2 months ago and felt sick, it is literally an entire page of transactions to different gambling companies, some of 200 some of 100 and then occasionally a tescos food order of 20 pounds or petrol garage of 10 pounds. It's amazing how I will skimp on necessities but not batter an eye lid about putting 200 through an online slot. Well like I say I'm old enough to gamble therefore I'm old enough to deal with the consequences. Wishing everyone a positive day.

Morning all

Well I said I will make an effort to write in my diary in full everyday and so I will continue to do so. Well my bank account is looking sorry for itself as I had a few expenses that needed paying so money is going to be tight for a while and I will not ask anybody for help. It was a struggle to come on here and open up to everybody as I am someone who usually will not ask for help so I thank you guys for being so accepting. This past year has been the worst for many reasons including gambling and I'm trying to look forward to next year, hoping that this will be a blip on my life and I will soon look back and smile at how far I've come, I will sit down for an hour tonight and read through as many diaries as I can. This is day 7 now onto day 8 tomorrow.

Hi jim

Well done on one whole week of being gamble free

Keep going and going stay strong and focused

Suzanne x

Afternoon

Onto day 9 today and feeling good, Im going to take an hour tomorrow evening to ready everyones diaries. Hope everyone is doing well.