My Regrets

Well done for coming back here, Joe. It's a positive step.

Gambling can take us to some pretty dark places and I know you must be feeling a bit low right now from the tone of your writing.

You can find a way out, Joe. It can take a bit of work, but you can get free of it. It can be testing and there will reminders of that old life with urges and the like, but you can get through this and have a gamble free life.

A good start by coming here Joe.

You have my support.

Stay strong & welcome

Alex

Thankyou Atk85. those words mean a great deal to me and I am motivated to remain strong.

I have just woken up and my girlfriend brought me some scrambled eggs on toast and a cup of tea in bed.

Her doing this for me shows exactly why I must change. Just like I noted down last night, this is why it hurts so much because she is innocent. I feel dirty for the secrets I am keeping from her. I love her more than anything and it breaks my heart knowing I am not building a life for us that she deserves.

On another note. It was last Wednesday when I had my last big loss. I lost £5700 on live dealer blackjack in about 30 minutes. This really hurt me.i couldn't stop depositing money.i actually had £400 in my current account but used that, and a £5000 overdraft. The rest was a credit card. it happened so quickly I deposited about £2000 in desperation and when that lost I couldn't think straight until this morning .

money comes and goes.Although I am in a hole I think if I can get out of the overdraft I will feel a lot more confident about my situation. I am most scared because an overdraft facility can be taken away at any time,whereas a credit card and loan are set payments.

I will continue to diarise my progress and I thank anybody who will help me along the way.

My scrambled eggs are going cold now so I better eat these up while they are still slightly warm.

Joe

Hi Joe, your words ring so true, I was addicted to those our evil machines in the bookies, 2 weeks on and it feels like cold turkey smashing the habit of 5 years.... it really hurts me

I all that time I was away gambling I had to think of excuses where I was why I was late, I've used them all, Car trouble, phone switched off, out of charge, falling asleep, staying at the gym longer and so it goes... How do I tell her I was having an affair with a random computer??? Not to mention the debt..

One day at a time seems to be the mantra on here that's good advice, day by day , brick by brick you can build a new life, scrambled egg how simple and beautiful is that? See life is worth living, also it may take a while to pay your dues but visualize life then when you reach that point... Duncan on here has a saying I'm sure he won't mind me borrowing it. Abstain to maintain..... Best wishes Gary.

Ps stay strong you can do this, we're gonna make it

Glad you're feeling a bit better. We all have down periods, Joe. Gambling losses are relative to how much you earn, but you know you cannot afford to do what happened on Wednesday again. You seem to have a good wage coming in, so with a bit of effort you will clear your debt with ease.

See last Wednesday as your motivator for getting this out of your life. Do you really need another low like that? You have reached the end of your tether with this, mate. Stop thinking big wins. They never come. And only make problem gambling worse. To end it, gambling was an escape for you from the sounds of it. As it was for me and many others on here.

Some tips...

Self-exclude asap.

Get blocks in place on your computer.

Tell a relative or friend (it will help).

In these early days, come back here often. Read others diaries, comment, and if you even get that urge to gamble - post in your diary instead.

Also...

Get a new hobby on the go. It will help. Do something productive or creative.

Finally, stay positive. You have a lot going for you, Joe. Appreciate it. There are folk out there a lot worse off than we are. Always remember that last one.

Wish you the best

Alex

Thankyou Liberator and atk85.

I am due some money in commision payments this month but i will still be in my overdraft even after i have been paid (mainly due to the loan i am paying off).

then i still have the 3000 pound credit card to contend with.

Although i lost that large sum of money last week, i am actually still better off than i was last month as i had the credit card at 3300 pounds and also i have made a payment on the loan for 945 pounds. i was maxed out on the 5000 pounds overdraft last month.so i should still look at things to say i am 1245 pounds in less debt than i was this time last month.... but it is hard because i ruined a very good position i was in.

I appreciate your kind words and positive attitudes and i hope you both are making positive steps in your journey's as well.

Joe

I'm laying in bed now still feeling down about my gambling losses. I don't think I will feel right until I am debt free and I know it is a long road to be there. another week of work starting in the morning and I feel unmotivated as the finish line seems so far away. I am going to keep writing this diary to track my progress.not just gamble free days but track my debt. Hopefully I will look back on this in a few months and see less debt and a free head with no gambling thoughts possessing my every moment.

I can't believe I have lived with gambling as it takes over my whole evenings and weekends.

take care everyone and here's to a bright future.

" I can't believe I have lived with gambling as it takes over my whole evenings and weekends."

I agree. It's a madness that I can't get over. How did I/we get so caught up in it.

Problem is for many, is they are in a constant state of denial over it all. I was and I'm sure you were...We're awake now though, buddy.

Bright future- I like the sound of that. Shows you're winning the mental tug of war the addiction that can play out in your head. We have to stay positive and move on in our lives. Gambling was just one of the many momentary blips that life will throw at us.

Stay positive and you'll get through this early stage. I know it can be hard thinking about losses. Yet, the idea of more losses, which will happen if you gamble again should put you off.

Stay strong & all the best

Alex

Hello,

Congrats for your decision to post here...stop thinking about you have lost,start thinking of what you have:a nice age,a well paid job and a girl who loves you....come on does a bet worth losing all that and maybe more???? start writing here about what you do to pass this addiction,going to a shrink?,to GA meetings?a realistic plan to pay your debt and manage your finances,where do you want to be in 1 year or 10 years....i wish to you to find the power inside you my friend!be strong! Ivan

Hi Joe

"I need help. I need support". Well that's exactly what you'll get here - these people are amazing as you probably have already realised and will find out even more strongly if you stick around.

I know only too well those feelings of self-hatred and regret (regret - much too mild a word). But what's done is done; what is important now is NOW and the choices you make TODAY. And then tomorrow, the "new now of tomorrow". A small set of good decisions each day which gradually build up to success and happiness. But you can only do them one small step at a time (and each of those small steps is crucial).

Anyway please try to take comfort that you have done the right thing by coming here, and you are doing the right thing by deciding to stop. So you ARE capable of doing the right thing and the fact that you feel guilty about your girlfriend also shows that you're a good person, not the worthless one that you think you are at the moment.

I too hide my problem from my partner and that's my biggest shame. But I know I can't just go all-out and "confess" just now. Trying to go gentle on yourself is really important especially at the beginning of recovery so please try to allow yourself to focus on abstaining for now - that's the most important thing for you, and by extension your girlfriend. In due course everything else can be tackled, once you have the mental and emotional resources.

For the time being just know that things WILL get better and try to stop comparing your situation now to what it was. There's nothing you can do, just like the fact there's nothing we can do about the fact that we get older every day. Move forward and put as many true blocks in place as you can, and you will find peace.

All the best

FF

Thankyou all for the comments. You are all fantastic people and I have huge respect for you.

I am coping at present.i am still upset and frustrated with the situation but that is to be expected.

My girlfriend was talking to me today and asking when we are going to start saving for a property. I said we will and I have committed to handing her money each month towards our future. I am short for money due to my debts but I suppose handing money over each month saves me from losing it on gambling. It's an insurance policy.

Thanks again Guys.

Joe

i am feeling a little down today. i think the main reason i have a gambling addiction is because i am impatient. what i mean by that is, i am impatient to pay off the debt, so i risk more to get out of debt quicker and it just spirals from there. does anybody else feel this way?

i will be paid in about two and a half weeks but it will be a long grind until that time. this is another reason i am feeling down.

just seeing the debts i have makes me feel down.

Joe

I woke up this morning feeling sad. i didnt sleep well last night and kept waking up. i am feeling a lot of pressure atm as it is still over two weeks to pay day and i am maxed out on the 5000 pound overdraft. not just that but i owe 3000 to a credit card and still have 9500 on a loan. if i can make it to payday i know i can pay about 3000 on debts. well i hope i can.i have worked so hard for many months now and i just waste the money time and time again. when i have more time i will start writing my support for others on their diaries but i am feeling so down atm that i cant really think straight.

Joe

You're doing really well, Joe. Don't beat yourself up over your losses and the debt. Most people are stuck in some kind of debt or another, gamblers or not. As long as you work hard and keep going on this journey of recovery, you'll get through it. Stay strong, be positive- Are these things going to be an issue in a couple of years? Possibly not.

All the best

Alex

12.43pm 5/6/2013. i am on my lunch at work and am still feeling disapointed with the issues i have got myself into. Nobody knows and i cant tell anybody either. i would like to tell my girlfriend but i dont think she would understand. she would be angry at me i am sure. i have never asked anybody for money and all the debts i have are from the banks. My main priority is the overdraft. The credit card is 0% interest until next august so that is good. so minimum payments until i pay off the overdraft will be the best thing to do.

i am most scared of the overdraft being taken away and i am asked by the bank to pay all the money back straight away....i dont think i could do it. i will lower the overdraft to 3500 pounds after pay day though so at least i cant max out 5000 pounds again. i almost try too hard to pay off debt and i become impatient so gamble to pay off more quickly.

Joe