This is a reminder. I must, when I read these word, remember how bad this moment feels.
I have been a secret gambler for three years. I realised I had a problem thirteen months ago and have, in that time, given up three times. I am committing to this diary in the hope that the forum and support available online will give me the strength to finally break the cycle and give up for good.
As always, my recovery cycle has started with a big loss. Once again I must handle the guilt, lies and self recrimination that accompanies that loss. The way I feel about gambling right now makes it easy not to bet. I have closed my online account and self excluded. The slightest thought of gambling makes me feel physically sick. I have not placed any kind of wager in three days. Not long but it is a start.
The trouble with me is I forget. I started gambling at a time in my life when I was bored, lonely and angry that life was going in a particular direction. I have since moved on from those problems but there remains a loose wire in my head that connects having a bad day (for any reason) with gambling. I know that in a few months time I will have an argument or a bad day and I won't remember how bad gambling makes me feel. In the past, I have fallen back in to old ways. A few wins, a few losses, a few more losses, upping the stake to win back the losses and so on and so forth.
I want this to be the last time I feel this way. Please help me remember.
Good post...Be strong n stick 2 ya guns!!
Easy li£e
Stay strong mate gambling is a killer 🙁 stay away
Good to read your post. There are a few of us on 3 or 4 days so let's all try to remember together how bad gambling makes us feel. Keep reading the diaries if you ever feel weak or the urges are just to strong.
You are doing the right thing, give it up.
Thanks guys. Went out for a few drinks this afternoon and was a little scared I would do something stupid when I got home. So happy that the first thing I did was log in here. I know now that crisis temptation moment has past and I'm confident I will not gamble tonight. Another hurdle, another day.
Thanks for post on my page,goodluck in your recovery.;-) no bet today makes a better tomorrow.
Scottyboy
Today is not over yet but feeling strong. Today is another day bet free.
Working up to tackling the train wreck that is my current account. I know it will be bad but not irreparably so. I need to pluck up the courage to check how far into my overdraft I have put myself.
At least I know it won't get worse now I have stopped betting. Wish me luck...
Thanks for your post and well done on not gambling, keep strong through to bed time, another day tomorrow but you'll be fine.
Wilsy
Well, I did it. Went into the bank to stabilise things. The situation is grim but it makes me even more determined not to gamble. The little part of me that keeps thinking a win or two would solve everything is being studiously ignored. I am giving myself a target of four months in which to save enough to get back in the black. After that, who knows, I may even have some savings by the end of the year.
Today I am looking forward to a life without gambling and I really like the look of it.
Well done you for being so positive and taking action. I am in for the ride with you, keep going
Good luck Paige
I am also juggling money to try and get back into the black by April
This is made much harder by having to pay £500 a month into me and my gfs savings account thats a regular monthly occurence
But where theres a non gambling will theres a way
Finances can always be managed when thinking rationally
Oh and i share youre 'a couple of wins would sort it all' mentality but in reality the loss would shatter our rational thinking.....
good luck mate,
like yourself, im at the very early stages of recovery, but you know what.....think of the things we will have in life, shortly honesty, happiness, confidence, self respect.....the list goes on, its early days but were on a much better road, than we were a few weeks ago, a road that guarentees one thing......a better outcome than that road we were on before !! TIME TO BEAT THE DEMONS.......AND THERE WILL BE ONE WINNER...US
Well, as of twenty minutes ago, I have managed a week without a bet. I know it is early days but I am so pleased I've got this far.
This week I have faced my bank account, taken positive steps to stop gambling for good and have started to remember what life is like when gambling is not the ruling force in your day.
Here's to another day bet free!
HI Paige,
Well done on reaching a week gamble free and taking some positive steps in your recovery.
Enjoy that feeling of not letting gambling consume your life, each day gamble free it will improve.
I love being able to go to sleep at night without worrying about the devastation my gambling has caused.
Enjoy your recovery, keep focused and stay strong.
Take care
Blondie x
Another day gamble free. Done and done! Time for bed.
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