My Secret Diary

Hiya Paige

Relapsing is all part of the process , 3 times I'm on now in 18months and iv learned from everyone and so will u , I understand why u feel ur back at day one again but for me day 1 is when we admit the problem and start to do something bout it

The key is when relapsing is get straight back on and dont give in exactly what u av done , I can see so much fight in u and this will only make u stronger

Castle2

Hi paige,

Im on day 2 after relapsing, lost count on how many times now, ive been gambling for 20 years and i too have kept it a secret..This is the best place to be for support, encouragement and understanding. Keep strong, we can all do this with the support of this site.xx

Day three done and dusted. Px

Running alongside you.

Puffed out as too fat and out of training but we can make it past the winning post.

xxx

What a week. Quick post to say days four and five were fine and six is racing towards its conclusion. Here's to another day gamble free! x

Well done paige, good to hear your doing well, Day 5 for me has been much better for me too, onwards and upwards XX

Feels good to be back in double figures. Day 12 today. I've had a few wobbles this week but I've managed not to fall. Here's to another day gamble free. x

Hi Paige

Hope you've drawn strength from these experiences. At least to be a little wiser and understand where you went wrong so as to guard against it this time around. Well done on 12 days. Stay on that path to recovery and a better you. Best wishes.

G

So, finally I have time to string more than a few words together.

Feeling much better about things this week. My relapse forced me to think about why I was in that dark mood where gambling makes sense. I can think of only one upside of having the gambling loose wire in my head and that is an early warning on unhappiness. If I want to gamble there is something wrong whether or not I can consciously identify that something. I realised that my relaspe came just a few weeks after starting a new job. I hoped I would settle in to the routine of it but the truth is it bores and frustrates me. So plan A is try a bit of a shake up and see if I can't use my new role to do something useful. Failing that I launch operation find a new job. Either way, I have discussed the work issues with my other half and he has been really supportive. Best part is, no urges since.

I know there will be other future crises and I can't really afford to relapse for each one. I'm hoping I'm getting better at being honest with myself and reading the signs.

Here's to another gamble free day.

So happy I was able to write a full post that I posted it twice; oops!

I've thought a lot about gambling the last couple of days but without the urge to actually do it. The advertising is everywhere and it makes me angry that tobacco and alcohol advertising is quite tightly restricted but gambling seems to be a free for all. It probably isn't. I guess I just woke up grumpy.

Here's to another gamble free day.

Totally agree with you about ads. Also I don't sleep well and often put tv on late at night and so many stations with gambling shows makes me sick and they must make loads of dosh from them or wouldn't be worth putting on. I guess people can't block their phones either so must be nightmare once addicted.

Every time I look at your diary and see your first entry about remembering what it feels like and it takes me back to that feeling, which is such a good thing as my brain has a knack of misrembering and kidding me about what good fun it was ---not.

Hope tomorrow is a better day, had a Victor Meldrew day myself this week too but I'm allowed at my age.

xxx

When you need to go to page nine of the forum to find your diary, you are not posting enough; naughty me!

So here's the update. I'm feeling pretty good about life. My CV looks good and I've had a bit of interest on the job front. I'm also stirring things up a little at work which is making the daily grind a little less of a grind. It feels so good to be concentrating on real life rather than fake pleasures of the slots or the urge to gamble.

Thanks to all who continue to post on my thread. I really appreciate the support. I'll try to be a little more active on here and will reply over the next few days.

Here's to another day gamble free.

Px

All good stuff so hope job search goes well. Nothing beats a good stir at work as well, from one who knows.

Have fun

xxx

Felt the urge to talk about things again today so thought a diary entry would be pretty therapeutic.

In general, life is pretty good but has involved a little gambling so I think it is time to get my b**t back on site before my self control escapes me. You folks do have a habit of saying just the right thing to strengthen my willpower. I probably don't say it enough so thanks for that.

Let's start with the good stuff. I managed to sort myself out a new job. Not exactly what I expected to be doing with my career. It will certainly be a challenge and may just keep me busy enough to stay out of trouble. Thanks to not gambling these past months I had enough in the savings account to take a month's holiday in the sun in between so for the first time in years I have a suntan. All good.

The bad news is I have gambled socially on several occasions and, although I have so far not succumbed to a real relapse splurge, I'm worried I might be tempted back into old ways or old thoughts. Tonight I was at the casino with friends. I lost fifty quid (the agreed budget for everyone in the group) and I'm happy to say I had no desire to bet more to win it back. I guess that shows how far I have come but I fear complacency.

I have considered my situation further and feel I cannot risk having gambling in my life in any measure. I will start my count again tomorrow and try to eradicate slots from my life completely. I wish I could be one of those people who can gamble socially with no compunction to chase their losses or reinvest a win but I know I'm not wired that way.

Here is to tomorrow being gamble free. Thanks for reading. Px

Day 1

Feels good to be starting the count though choice rather than a crisis.

Just re-read my first diary entry and remembered hiding the bank statement that showed the thousands I'd lost and the missed mortgage payments. I am so grateful that I am not in that position today. I am filled with the optimism that one last push can get me completely gamble free.