My Secret Diary

Day 2

Had the odd thought today about having a wee shot but managed to abstain. One day at a time is the best I can do and that is another one done.

Well done Paige.

Take care.

Feb.

Nice one Paige. I know what you mean about having those fleeting thoughts, makes it feel worthwhile when we are clean though 🙂

Day 3

Thank you muchly. Today has been pretty good with no real urges. Been too busy to think about much of anything, which is the way I like it. Here's to another day gamble free. Px

Day 4

Today had been tough. I find boredom such a drain on my willpower. After a busy start to the week, I decided to have a quiet night in; I was bored by 7pm and there is only so much time you can spend looking at updates on other people's activities on Facebook. At least, if I am in my diary, I'm not listening to the voices that keep telling me a little shot wouldn't hurt. I know it really, truly would; no such thing as a little shot for people like me.

Here's to another day gamble free. Px

Day 5

Somehow finding the shift back to total abstention more difficult than the start of any other count. I guess, it is because there was no crisis trigger so I don't have the sick feeling and so much guilt. I want to drive slots out of my life completely so I will persevere. I did not gamble today. Here is to another day gamble free.

Day 6

At last, an easier day. Didn't even think about slots. Here's to more days like today.

Day 7

Whoever thought that trying to lose weight and abstain completely at the same time was a good idea is an idiot. Oh hang on, that was me. This isn't getting any easier. I keep telling myself if it better to quit now rather than wait for my next crisis but if anything I am thinking about gambling more now than when I was having a wee shot here and there. I guess I just have to keep ploughing through these thoughts. Here's to another day gamble free. Px

Hey Paige,

Congrats on being 1 week gamble free!

I started a diet about a month ago but was struggling and somebody suggested trying to tackle one thing at a time. I am going to try again though as I have put on so much weight.

Good luck and keep strong xxx

Thanks Pink, I'm getting there on both goals.

Day 8

No major issues. Managed another slot free day.

Day 9

Another tough one but not only have I managed to avoid the devil slots, I managed to avoid chocolate too. I have a plan. If I can get down a dress size without gambling, I'll have a guilt free spurge on a new dress. That's a win win situation.

For want of a better word... B*****r! Even when I know I have a splurge comming and come back on site to try to do something about, guess what, I have a crisis anyway.

Again, managed to stop myself around the five hundred quid mark but, having blocked my pc and and laptop, went off and found a new site on the ipad and Bob's your auntie, here I am again. Mad at myself and my weakness.

Ahhhhhhhhhh! Breathe!

I can add a new parental control to the blocks I have in place. I have given it a random twenty digit sequence for a password and shredded the paper I wrote it on. I wish I was as ingenious in other aspects of my life as I am in finding new and diverse ways of cheating myself into gambling.

Tuesday 3rd September will be day one again.

Wish me luck. Px

Sorry for the recent setback. I fell today so Sept 2 is day 1 AGAIN for me also. Wishing us both strength!

Day 1

So, day one passed without incident. Thanks Carla for the post; hope you stay strong.

It never ceases to amaze me that, even from the middle of it, I can so clearly see the abstain/splurge cycle. I know I'm going to fall before I do and still can't stop myself. I am grateful that I have progressed this year; when I wrote my first post, a splurge was three grand in overdraft and shaking fits in the night instead of sleep. I am confident I will never go back to that but struggling to find the strength to kick the habit completely. I guess on some level I enjoy gambling and miss it when I stop. Need to find a new way of thinking.

Px

Hey there just read your recent posts and sorry for your lapse. Yesterday was day 1 again for me too... But keep strong, and you will get there in the end. Xx