Day 15
Feeling a bit down today. I work contracts and bit frustrated in lack of progress on finding my next job. Makes me kick myself all the more for gambling away the hard earned cash that could otherwise have provided a bit of a buffer. Trying not to let it get to me but it is tough.
Day 16
Another stupidly busy day at work. At least it keeps me busy and stops me dwelling on things.
Gym tonight on the way home too. If I am still awake at that point.
Day 17
Was a blur. I still have a headache.
Day 18
Is going okay. I got confirmation from the bank that my personal account is now closed. Need to intercept and hide the final statement then can hopefully move on. Another job interview tomorrow so with a bit of luck that goes well and I can stop worrying about my contract coming to an end. Still feel a bit down and not sure why. I don't think I am missing gambling. Maybe just too many plates spinning.
Day 19
Today was pretty stressful and I did think about gambling a few times. Just the mindless escape of it. The chance to take the pressure off. I don't think I have really switched off since I stopped gambling. As much as it created huge problems of its own, it was a way of detaching from the world and taking a break. I could do with finding a healthier replacement. That said, didn't do it. Made it to another day gamble free. Night all. x
Day 20
Good day today. Enrolled on a fitness course so been downloading study materials; bones and muscles are up first. Not studied in years so this is going to be interesting.
Thought about gambling a couple of times again but finding it passes as long as I keep busy with something else. Hoping I get to a point where I can just chill again without being tempted. I am pretty tired.
Day 21
Three weeks. Wow! Longest I've abstained in quite some time. Bank account is closed and I'm working on the credit card. Aiming to have that clear by Christmas. Should be doable as long as I am careful and keep my guard up. I occasionally dwell on how much better off I would be if I had never gambled but, as guilty as I feel, thinking like that doesn't do anyone any good. I am where I am. Just need to keep plodding forward.
Studying has been fun this afternoon. Something to focus on but still relax. That was the plan and so far so good.
Day 22
Had a reminder today that life is short and that nothing is promised. Really want to get on with living and leave gambling behind me. Think that is why I get so cross when the urges come. Why can my brain say gambling is ruinous but my soul crave it so?
Another day done so that is a positive. Was able to be there for a friend rather making excuses and watching reels spin on my own so proud of that too.
Day 27
Just sat down for what seems like the first time in a week. Poor diary, I really have been neglecting you. Things are good, no real urges to report and certainly no gambling.
Fitness training has been great fun so far though I don't think there is a muscle in my body that doesn't currently hurt. Turns out knowing the right name for whatever bit is sore is very little consolation. Managed to meet some new people along the way which is helping with recovery.
My private bank account is now closed. I may have said that already but the closing statement has arrived and been disposed of so that is good. I think I have once again managed to avoid having my gambling problem come out but have made it practically impossible to get away with it again. Hopefully this new block makes all the difference.
In other news there is work and job interviews and generally running around like a lunatic. If only there were a few more hours in the day.
Day 30
So almost at a month which will be the longest I have been away from gambling for some considerable time.
I am occasionally having the "just a wee shot won't hurt" thoughts but deep down I know it would never just be a wee shot. It would spiral and, without my own bank account to hide it, I would get caught. I want to keep my secret so that is acting as quite the deterrent.
In terms of keeping busy, I am trying to lay off the baking and have downloaded a whole load of silly games on to my phone, bought a colouring book and signed up for a training course so have lots to keep me busy.
Money is a bit of a worry as I still haven't lined up my next contract but hopefully that will get back on track soon too.
Wishing everyone a good gamble free day. x
Day 33
I'm getting to that stage, dear diary, when I don't really know what to say to you. I don't want to stop posting because I fear I would forget and suffer a relapse but just logging in to say all is good feels almost like gloating. I was expecting to feel worse at this point and to really be missing the thrill of gambling but getting as much enjoyment from challenging friends on silly mobile games or getting out on training for my course. Life is better without gambling for sure.
Hello diary, long time no write. This is day 83 gamble free and the last day of 2016. I am feeling pretty optimistic.
I have been neglecting you dear diary once again partly because I was running out of things to say and partly because I have adopted a tactic of which I am not sure you'll approve. Thing is it is working so don't care if we approve or not. I was struggling to keep myself busy and the Candy Crush type games and my colouring book just weren't cutting it so I downloaded a slotto slots game to try. It has proved to me that for me gambling was never about the money as I get the same excitement and enjoyment from playing with tokens as I ever did with cash. There is no possibility of winning money on this app but it does give me a shot anytime I want to buy tokens. This is the longest I have ever been gamble free and can honestly say I have no craving what so ever for real gambling.
Wishing everyone on here a Happy New Year. May this be the year you find your solutions. Px
Day 88
New year off to a pretty good start. Going to use the diary to also keep a track of how much money I spend on games as well as time away actual gambling. Figure it is a good thing to keep an eye on as I don't want to replace one problem with another. Nothing so far to report on either front.
Wishing everyone a good gamble free day.
Day 89
Was desperate for a shot tonight so bought 49 million tokens for my silly slot game at a cost of £14.99 and the great thing is I have millions left for another go the next time the mood takes me. I don't chase loses the way I used to with real money. The notion has passed now so off to watch some TV with my other half.
Day 100
So this is officially the longest I have been gamble free. I am still using the slots game when I feel the need for a shot. In the last while I have spent ВЈ14.99 and £25.99 to buy tokens which are amounts I can afford and don't have to be secretive about; they come out of the bank account as Google Play. I know I cannot win playing these slots which has reinforced my assertion earlier in my diary that it is not about the money. I may still splurge when I feel owed a feature or something but now it is just for tokens and I do not empty the bank account in the process. If I want to play I can and this has removed a great deal of the stress and angst from stopping real life gambling. At any rate it works for me. Good luck all. x
Well done on reaching the century club paige.
An awesome achievement
Deano
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
