Need serious help! My life is ruined

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Rachel and allainepo.

Its great to see you guys suporting each other through this dark time.

As my previous posts has stated i am in the same posistion that you guys are in.

Its hell but we have to believe things will get better for us.

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Hi Rach

Just reading through a few threads and came across this one, i felt so awful for you as i was reading it. I see there is no update and wondered if you were ok.

Hi all, sorry for the delay in replying. I have had my baby a little boy. He's amazing but unfortunately I have still been gambling! My life is a mess I can't get out of this rut! I have not hAd a court date yet but the thought that's it's happening soon is killing me. I don't know why I keep gambling I should be happy! I have all I've ever wanted! I'm still waiting to see a councillor but the waiting list is months long 🙁 how can I get through this? I can't go to prison and loose my baby!!

I hate myself so much

Hi and firstly congratulations on the birth of your little boy. There's a couple of things I would do I would chase and push the counselling, the waiting list shouldn't be more then 12 weeks. From reading your posts you play online, install the free K9 software and get someone else to put the code in, if the blocks are in place you won't be able to gamble. You can do this and you need to do it for yourself and your baby. Set little goals like first 7 days, then 14, 21 etc . Read some of the success stories on here they really do inspire you. I'm 84 days now gf and I so wish I'd found this site sooner, I've been living under a black cloud for the last few years and it was called gambling addiction, now I can see everything more clearly, I can sleep better and all in all a better person. It does get easier, it will also look better in court, come on you can do this x

Thank you. can the software be installed on an iPhone?

I feel sick as I borrowed money for bills from family and then blew it on gambling again! The worst thing is I was so happy when I wasn't gambling and now I feel like c**P again and have no money left over Christmas.

The counsillor is through the gp and say it can take 16 weeks plus but it's been that already.

My poor baby doesn't deserve this I want to stop but I can't so I can't be a good person or I would have done more surely?

Hi Rach

Firstly congratulations on the new arrival 🙂

It's not about being a bad person, compulsive gambling is an illness but that said recovery is in your own hands. That means doing all it takes to arrest the addiction however inconvenient and potentially embarrassing that might be. If you can't install a blocker on your phone, ditch it and either get one you can or a basic one with no internet access. Do the family members you've borrowed from know of your problem? It would be a very good idea if they did and committed themselves to not making any further funds available to you. Have you handed over your finances? Making yourself accountable and financially transparent are very good barriers. Agree that counselling and preferably GA meetings too will help. You need to identify and then address the issues that are driving you to gamble.

It's completely possible to stop. Plenty here and in GA have successfully done just that but it's going to take 100% commitment from you.

Hi Lethe,

My family are aware but I told them I wasn't doing it anymore. This is why I am a bad person, I keep lying and Making excuses!

My partner goes out with his mates on his days off and this is when I tend to do it. I have tried talking to him but I don't think he understands and if I told him I done it again he would probably leave me. That's what I deserve though. I'm not just ruining my life is his bad our child's aswel.

I just don't know why I can't just stop when I know it's wrong and I can't afford it? It's ridiculous and pathetic. My head is all over the place and I need to sort it out ASAP. I hope the counsillor gets in touch soon before I fall apart!

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Hi think the last few posts have said all I could say but I will reiterate your not a bad person you have just lost your way a little, you can do this x

Thank you so much for such a thoughtful and meaningful response. I have just watched the panorama documentary, it made me wonder what on earth I am doing! So many times I have wanted to just give up. It's awful as I now have a beautiful baby boy to look after and even though I love him more than life itself I just can't stop the urge to gamble. I need extra help I know I am the one who needs to do more but it's hard alone. My partner doesn't get it and says I'm intelligent so how do I not know I won't win. As I've said before I know I can win big as I have loads of times, but the more I win the more time I spend blowing it again. It's taken over my life. I find myself watching what I spend on food etc yet waste every penny I have left on a slot machine!

I do have some insecurities, I always think others are better than me and people are going to see that. I've distanced myself from so many people this past year and never want to socialise any more. I'm not the happy hardworking person I used to be. I've let so many people down and I don't think I will ever get over the guilt. I will be strong for my son but i need to stop using the little money I have to try and win more. I haven't paid my mortgage and now scared I'll lose my house 🙁 I can't even work as I am on maternity leave and then will have a criminal record so don't see how I can help pay off the debts and house bills. I just want to go back to the person I used to be. This should be the happiest time of my life and I'm just down and depressed most days I just put on a front for everyone else.

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i I feel like this is just who I am now and I'll never get back what I had or who I was. Everywhere I go I see or hear about free spins free bets etc. It's horrible. How can I go from being fine one day to the next putting my wages into an online site only to lose it 5 minutes later? Why me? Why any of us? And why isn't more being done to prevent it?

My family are still in shock and can't believe it! My other fear is that it's going to be splashed all over the paper as it will be a juicy headline. I haven't told extended family or friends so if it comes out like that I would die inside.

I don't really know what the counsillor can do, i know it's wrong and stupid but yet I do it over and over. How will they stop me?

How come it took so long for you to seek help? Did you lose a lot over the years? It's so sad to hear how many people this affects 🙁