Need to start all over!

Just to say great posts. I don't mind at all people adding their stories....points of view.

I likewise would like to regain trust and that is worth more than any money.

Likewise Bob I have lost career opportunities as I was focued on gambling and it also messes with your values of life and self worth. Gambling is probably along with relationship problems the most destructive form of activity I have taken part it.

There is nothing as selfish and sel pitying as a compuslive gambler. Sitting behind some stupid machine sulking and eyes at other times bulging with greed. I can spot the zombified look of a person in gambling mode at a hundred paces just by their expression on the face I don't know if anyone elese can relate to this?

But I see many people as dealing with public.

Anyway thanks for your support. For some reason the start of this year has been much more difficult in kicking the habut than I ever imagined. I had some idea giving up was going to be easy but it is hard work fughtung an addiction.

I agree with people who say you have to surrender to the gambling in many ways. I don't mean by gambling but by saying yes you have taken all my money I cannot win. Game over!

Here is to a better day!

Awayout

Just to say I am having a nice day not gambling.

I am able to meet my bill requirements this month as I haven't been too stupid although a couple slips.

I want to make April even better,

Awayout

Just a quick note to say I am having a nice day NOT gambling!

Many more needed to follow!

Never thought my life would pan out quite this way. But one of lifes experiences!!!

Have a good day AWAYOUT

Good job Awayout, you're doing really well. I can relate to your struggles because its so difficult to overcome gambling addiction when so much dept is lurking in the background. I made a similar post on my diary just now about it ...

anyhow I"m also on a low wage so it will be some substantial time before its paid back. But I am pretty sure without gambling it will be paid back...with gambling? probably not.....

Keep posting, keep stayin strong.

nwn.

Just to say i ahve been felling much happier again not gambling

You are right nwm. It is difficult with a large debt over your head when you are a low wage. But like you say it will disappear over time.

It is tempting to take an easier option especially when you see people goinf bankrupt who are earning much more but I think I am gaining more paying my debt off slowly. I do think though if things get too tight I will get a debt management plan to freeze interest etc;

Bankruptcy would be the last last resort and I sincerely hope it never comes to that. Alhtough I am sure it must be nice being debt free in a couple years rather than many years bankruptcy may not be the answer.

Oh yes the title of this post.... I work in the sale of lottery products. Seeing the greed/addiction of people desperately trying to win every week and really believing it will be them next then complaingin they don'y win should be enough to put me off.

I now think instead of wanting to buy one myself. 'You would be better off putting that pound in the bank' or 'it is sad that they think all this money will make them happy' or 'they must be desperate'. 'Why can't they get a job work for a living'.

I know a lot of people cannot help their situation but many are just lazy and have never had a job or are the dregs of society. I am also astounded by the greediness of people wasting their money on this activity when many clearly have quite a good job. house and security but it is still not enough.

Of course I can fully understand having been a gambler myself for so long.

I think I if I continued to gamble I could become one of those dregs of society whose only hope is to win on some gambling activity. I have debts but I am no longer looking to the lottery or any other form of gambling to dif my way out. I surrender to gambling addiction you have already taken everything.

Now I can live my life without you. No lottery ticket today!

Hope everyone is doing well.

AWAYOUT

No Lottery ticket for me either!

Its a dream that aint gonna happen anyway.

"Debt management plan to freeze the interest etc" .. sounds like the way forward to me .. takes the pressure off to an extent .. that can help in recovery .. regards .. S.A 🙂

Hi I don't know if this is normal. The DMP company I have applied to says they take the first 2 payments in fees?

and also they say I should cancel direct debits to loan companies. Obviously a bt concerned about phonecalls in those 2 months when the companies I owe are not receiving payment.

Does anyone here have DMP (Debt management plan) and does the first 2 months to them sound right as fees or am I being ripped of (payments will take longer)

Anyway I may have done a stupid thing filled out a form online enquiring about the DMP and keep getting them phoning up. This could cause me a headahe as certain people in the house do no not know of my debt! One has even left my name and the name of the company and the reason they are phoning. A bit P***** off about that as it is ahrdly confidential when sharing a house.

Should I be charge 2 months in fees to them (they get the first 2 payments). Anyway I am not rushing in to it.

AWAYOUT

Hi Awayout,

You should not have to pay any fee's for a debt mangaement plan... your being ripped off in my opinion. I would suggest to leave that company well alone.

I used payplan ( they are FREE!) .. you could also try consumer credit counselling service ( CCCS ).. they are free to. Do not pay for a DMP! ... take care.. S.A 🙂

You are being ripped off , steer clear. Citizen's advice is your best bet for valuable advice and reputable companies.

Thanks for your advice! I also contacted the cccs today and they advised me they do the same service free....

I realise some companies do make a commission on IVA etc but I thought the first two months payments sounded a bit excessive. Also in that time my debt would not have been going down...

Awayout

Just to say I am feeling a bit vulnerable at the moment. The only thing that has saved me is the blocks and the fact I am not carrying more than about £5 ie no large sums of cash.

Today I have realised I am recognising one of my triggers 'other people' putting me down. Nothing is ever good enough with my life for them.

There is one particular person who keeps making loaded questions at work. For example today 'did you have a nice weekend what did you get up to?' what activities you do? I explained church involvement. I was busy rehearsing all Saturday and involved in church on Sunday plus practices weekdays.

Then she starts saying my son does this and that (sporty type things). Well I don't mind watching sport but Im not a sporty type person. Later on she says aside to me in front of the manager 'you need to get out more'..... other times its my job 'you need to be in a better job like ****** the manager (who has just been off for about 3 months with 'mental problems')'

I am happy with my social activities. I hate people comparing me with other people as if my life is not good enough! I have done all those things going down the pub /nightclubs and travelling in my 20s. I do do other things bar church I am not a prude. I am also trying to make extra cash in spare time .

I am really bad at recognising the well meaning from the manipulative and sarcastic people in the walk of life.

I know this particular peron probably was proabbly having a laugh at my expense.

Whatever I seem to do in work or out is never up to their standards. Well I dont give a d**n this is my life. I felt like saying 'I have no money I have a gambling problem - I have had a good social life and I enjoy the life I have got'. I cannot afford to go out all the time......

Most of my friends are in the church now and the ones from college etc have moved away. Why are people so d**n nosey! I also have nice parents etc just grown aprt from some family....

Anyway I know I am doing well I can't just go out and get a decent job straight away I have to rely on this poorly paid one for now as I have all these debts. I would be out of the place like a shot, I feel like a much bigger fish in a smaller bowl.

I think colleagues wonder why someone with my qualifications and my age (30s) is stuck in such a sh*tty job.

This particualr person keeps making remarks inferring I should be doing much better/especially 'as I don't have the same money worries as I am at home with mum etc'. i cannot mention the gambling AND THE DEBT it is driving me crazy.

We do not get on well as work collegues I feel like blowing up in her face as she is trying to insult me in front the managers. But I know this would just give the reaction she wants.

Sorry I know this is not exactly gambling related but this is the sort of thing that triggers my gambling in recovery. Just because I have no relationship, no children and no house does not mean I do not have problems in my life..... financial and emotional.

In fact I think the gambling problem has made finding relationships harder.

I am glad I have been able to let steam off here. I try and keep cool and not to give too much away of my problem at work. Work is effecting my gambling recovery but it is catch 22 without the job I have no money for debt repayment.

I think I was doing OK today until this person at work started trying to say my 'life is not the way it should be lived'. Well that is how it felt in effect. I try not to give a rise as that just makes it worse....

Yes I know I am being sensitive but I am feeling vulnerable at the moment

I am looking forward to recovering from the gambling and feeeling stronger about things in general.

Being paid tomorrow so I ahve to be extra vigilant at the moment.... musn't let work stresses get to me. The work is bad enough without pople implying my social life is cr**! I do know that I have given more time at the moment to my social/spiritual side since around 2008 that I had done for several years. Time taht was occupied merely for gambling....

AWAYOUT

Hello Awayout,

Glad your keeping off the gambling a bit. Be carefull today when you get paid. Im just bringing a fiver a day to work. I left my credit cards and bank cards at my girlfriends house. This has worked so far. I took £40 out on Sunday to last me to this Sunday. Im trying to save for a holiday. Its really tough but im trying.

Your work doesnt sound the best. Maybe your best laughing off these comments. Even agree and say yeah i like staying in and vegetating you should try it sometime.

Whatever you do dont tell them about the gambling. I get the impression some people will use that as ammunition against you and may even link it to the fact your unhappy at work. They could argue that gambling is affecting your work performance and attitude. Its money at the end of the day but you do have your rights at work. Nobody should be harrassed or bullied at work but it happens. If you have a problem go to your line manager and advise him/her of it.

Hopefully things will look up for you. Afterall the weather hasnt been the best for outdoor pursuits. When the sun comes out you'll feel like getting out more. The weather in the UK isnt great lets face it.

Anyway stay strong and optimistic. Its a long bendy road full of holes and landslides.

All the best,

Pauly.

Thanks Pauly for replying and your advise.

I will take a leaf out of your book and try and save a little for a holiday even if it's £5 a week.

I must admit being couped up in the same house and town does not always do me good. Most of this is due to the lack of money and the fact I cannot trust myself because of the gambling. It is like a self imposed prison sentence.

To be honest I am just going to think of myself at work and not what 'others think'. I have already mentioned the money problems but not the extent or gambling.

You are right where I am working is not such a good environment 60% of people have regularly skived off for weeks and months longer than they should with really feeble reasons. So it obviously not just me who does not like the place!....

I can be honest thought I have stuck out the course at work when we have been short staffed etc I have hardly has a day off sick in the year!

Well I'm just going to continue. Yes I do laugh off comments most of the time and I have reported to the manager but this person does not change they just have got more manipulative. So I try and be neutral. That's work I guess you cannot get on with everyone!

Here's to a new day!

Awayout

Hi there

You keep letting off steam my friend. That is what this diary is for. At least it is for me.

A place where I can let off steam, just ramble on..or whatever...some place to make sense of the way I feel.

You are doing great. Don't let a small minded person at work come between you and your recovery.

Over the past 2 years (since I have been in recovery) I have learned that some people find it easier to find fault in others and critisise them, rather then look at their own shortcomings. One way of leading away from their own insecurities and faults is to point things out in someone else.

So you don't have anything to fear or worry about really.

Don't think about what others may or may not think. It doesn't really matter. You matter. What you think of yourself matters.

And doing the things you are doing now are making you feel better about yourself. Be proud of what you have achieved and not upset about what you have not.

Keep up the good work.

God Bless

Charly 🙂

Sorry - posted twice

C 🙂