New Beginnings

33 days! Wooh! No money spare now as I pay debts. Have a dump with StepChange and a few other odds and ends to get back to. Still, had a bit of a blip when online, but nothing serious. Just keep telling myself that it’s just not a thing I do anymore. Nope.

Okay, 38 days now. Have no money at all as Icatch up with debts and double payments etc, so it still feels like .i haven’t really been tested. Stops still in place..

40 days lil!!!! Another major milestone. Keep it up gal keep it up.

41 days! Been a bit ill, so not been online much, but really pleased. Just had a look at my paypal account, and there’s nothing there... phew! Xx

Well, 46 days! Still have urges at odd times and some very strange dreams - which shows just how embedded int my psyche it is. My relationship with money is slowly changing as I begin to realise just how much money I had been wasting. With that comes even more guilt as I try to justify why I thought it was okay to throw this money away. Been really busy at work too, which means that I have been too exhausted to think too much, but I have some time now... catching up on posts here!

Well done!

Thanks for your post on my diary.

Keep it going, and no matter how long you go, always be vigilent! I am also living on a tight budegt, it sucks hard, and one thing I've learned is that being too strict on ourselves also pushes us the wrong way, bear that in mind and please be compassionate to yourself, and not too hard.

The one positive I will say is that after 5+ months I actually began to stop thinking abuot gambling, that is the real goal for me!

Lil30 wrote:

Well, 46 days! Still have urges at odd times and some very strange dreams - which shows just how embedded int my psyche it is. My relationship with money is slowly changing as I begin to realise just how much money I had been wasting. With that comes even more guilt as I try to justify why I thought it was okay to throw this money away. Been really busy at work too, which means that I have been too exhausted to think too much, but I have some time now... catching up on posts here!

You're going great guns lil... I can sense it in your words...

re the doubts, guilts and fear... Don't worry - stay on this path then come 146 days and 246 days I'm sure those thoughts and feelings will be few and far between as you'll be too busy enjoying the new, prosperous life you've created for yourself!

Take care

Thanks everyone.

57 days. A couple of days till payday now which makes me feel a bit anxious, but I'm still not quite up to date with payments, so I plan on making a few of those so I don't really have any disposable income next week anyway.... Urgh... I know what you mean about not being too hard on yourself, I'm becoming obsessed with my budget, which is good because it means I am beginning to understand the meaning of money again, but bad because I just feel so guilty about how much I wasted! Keepin' on though!

60 days! Which I'm averaging out as 3 months! Still have no spare money whilst I sort out things, but today, in payday I have a tiny bit of spare money, and it is amazing how quick the thoughts go,, 'just ten pounds, it could turn into 50'. And yet, how often, really did that happen?! It is just so silly. And, frankly, I'm annoyed at myself for even thinking it. Just shows though that it would be so easy to slink back in to bad ways. Being vigilant is key.

Well done! Good to hear you're doing well.

Make sure you aren't too tough on yourself (treat yourself with the same compassinoi as you would a friend/family), my counsellor told me that!

Thanjs Urgh, I am however very annoyed to say that I succumbed to another silly online slot offer that had somehow got through the blocks. So.. after spending the day feeling thoroughly miserable and seriously considering not coming back here I read through some of the success stories to inspire and this is what I am going to take away:

You have to be on your guard. All the time. As I have said before it almost feels automatic at times...

I immediately felt disgusted and saw how pointless it was all going be... it started with realising that I only need a few hundred pounds extra this month and I am all caught up - but as soon as I registered I realised just how silly that is.

I resented the time.. I only put £20 in, but that took up too much of my time. This is a big breakthrough because I used to think I enjoyed it...

And, I am still here.. so.. not much worse off that if I had been to the pub. Maybe I need to loosen up with the paying back and give myself a small bit of free money...

No worries, you learn from it, it will help you going forward. You have done really well to reduce your gambling. As you said, you need to be vigilent at all times, which is why it can be very tiring. Don't beat yourself up about it, you're doing great.

Keep us posted, keep updating. I'll be looking out for your thread. You got this.

Thank you!

Sorry to hear about your little break out lil... Well they say 'nothing ventured, nothing gained' but I used to look at small break outs like 'nothing gained, nothing ventured?'

Even if you won you'll be back for more sort of thing.

I hope you are able to go on and transcend the lure of gambling and see it for what I really is, a pointless exercise.

Maybe the money anxiety lent itself to your break out... Think about that moving forward... ie your relationship with money and how you could put less pressure on yourself / reduce the anxiety / accept you'll probably be ok money wise as things stand (we could all do with more but probably have enough to get by on if we are totally honest and can be thrifty with what we do have, or have got left after gambling!)

Where there's a will theres a way lil! I think you have plenty of will. Good luck

Well people. Still here, but not wiser I’m afraid. Back to square one again. Maybe I’ll write more later, but to give you an idea it’s six in the morning and I have had around two hours sleep. I'm super anxious and have a crazy week at work. All my own doing. This is to force me to own it. I'll be back...