NEW DAWN , NEW DAY , FEELING GOOD !

Yo
Nahhhh..I shant desert you...
I have to do my bit for care in the community !
Yes....New lighlights in the hair...
Thanks Mr muscle cleaner....dam site cheaper than the local salon..
Although I'm a little concerned that it was the anti mould spray...hey ho. ..ceiling looks good !
Soooo. ..been doing me chores quite happily....like a bloody rocket. .....washine machine in overtime....so much so that I ran out of lennor. ...now...I just can't cope without it....so decide to do a dash to Tesco express for refill....so what...your thinking ?
Well...my house work clothes are no more than tramps attire....couldn't be assed to change...no one will see me !
Urmmmm.....how wrong...spent 15 mins hid behind the flowers in shop.....from.......a snooty old bat that will form part of the new horsey lot....jeez...teach me to go out in skids !
So....just having a quick coffee intake them will launch into superwomen again...lol
Hope your dandy today...
I saw deanooos having a break..
I'll miss you two jack assing about..
I didn't see martyn discipline you..
Hope it wasn't to serious. .
And yes....I did say hi to toad. ..but he didn't hang around...
Maybe he didn't like my new hair..

Hi Alan,

Thanks for your words on my diary....it definitely had been a bit of a rollercoaster of a couple of weeks. Lots more to come though. Anyway, I read up on your 'epic' post from last week - some very interesting parts to your history, particularly the possible family connection. Not aware of anything like that in my family tree, the worst I know of is my Grandad playing the pools every weekend and once buying me an ice-cream.

I'm also a diabetic, although I must admit I'm working hard to try and get off the Metformin I'm currently taking, and hoping that after my December HBA1C test that I too can go down to diet only. Will have to get back to my gym sessions every other day and good diet, as staying with my mum hasn't been good for the blood sugars I'm sure.

Anyway, hope you are well, and well done on your continued abstinence from gambling.

Afternoon Petal,

I've not deserted you I'm still about and read lots just not posting as much TBH im just finding hardwork my hearts not in it ATM. I don't know why maybe it's because I'm putting more into GA.

I suppose it's the gamcare circle of life the baton gets handed on. I just feel a little disconnected with it all.

Don't think that makes any sense but I know what I mean.

KTF

Just went onto my diary and saw your post to me. Not sure how I missed it before (probably all those pina coladas!) but sorry for not replying sooner. I wasn't trying to analyse you (honest)....if I wanted to do that, they'd be other things I'd pick on!! (joke). It was just an observation that often people (possibly you, def me at times) soften a "serious" (deeper) post by joking about it. It's to do with showing vulnerabilty. If I share something that's on a deeper level it leaves me feeling a bit exposed....but if I mask that a bit with some banter or a joke, then I feel less exposed. The joking lessens the impact. Does that make sense? Anyway, it's no big deal. I'm def not criticising you joking about. That's you and how you are and that's absolutely fine. I like a laugh and a joke too. I guess I'm just trying to say that by also being open and sharing some of the deeper memories, it shows people that that's ok. That it isn't always possible to be happy and optimistic and laughing. That we can have down days, and unhappy bits in our past and putting them on here helps other people. Not that you're down or had an unhappy past, but the memory you shared was quite something. You might not see it that way, but detailing some of your mum's gambling addiction seemed pretty deep to me. And yes, I know you don't feel the need to delve deeper...I don't think you need to either. You're happy where you are so that's ok. You might be able to find even greater happiness and peace if you understood a bit more about what makes you tick, but I'm sure your thinking would be "if it ain't broke then why fix it?" And I'm not going to argue with you about that.

As for the genetics question. Nature or nurture? My thoughts (not backed up by any research, just my own musings) are that it's a mix of both. I think all humans are hardwired to seek out excitement to relieve boredom and to find ways to soothe ourselves and seek comfort at times of distress/unhappiness. How we do that varies wildly, but is influenced by the surroundings we grew up in. So, if we grew up in a household where gambling was seen as ok (or around problem gambling) then we might naturally gravitate to gambling. If my parents had been junkies or alcoholics, I may have taken that route instead. But they weren't. My Mum went to the bingo and my Dad was a regular at the bookies...it was a very socially acceptable way for them to deal with their stress. I have never taken drugs in my life (would be terrified at the idea), have never smoked and don't really drink to excess...but the slots were a socially acceptable and largely hidden way of dealing with life's sh*ite. My parents didn't make me a CG, neither do I have a gene that makes me a CG, but I have an inbuilt, naturally occuring need to self soothe and (probably because of what I'd seen from them) slots were my drug of choice.

Ok, so that turned into a bit of a ramble 😉 You've missed me, haven't you?!! And less of the old gal...flippin cheek!

Hi Alan and thanks for your post, I carnt believe I've clocked those days up so far. Never mind me putting my pants on the right way I need fur ones the bloody weather is so cold now! I've bought my dog a flashing lights collar to see her in the park when it gets dark, looks so funny just seeing these lights running around. Anyway I hope your keeping well, you give such wonderful support and hope to people on here. take care and well done you for still remaining gf x

Is there anybody there ???????

I swear I actually pi33ed myself laughing 🙂 Quite possibly just my age kicking in but hey ho, happens to the best of us I guess 😉

Hi, how's your week end going, I'm almost on day 40 and still not playing with mr g. Them bloody fire works are pxxxxxg my dog off, should ban them lol. Had my orange chips today, getting my fix before the healthy eating kicks in on Monday. Take care x

Hello my lovely. How's tricks in Al-Land? I'm back on today to thank you again for your kind wishes this week - it means a lot, and also to check on our young Stephen 🙁 I hope he's just had a week off work or something. Let's hope he checks in tomorrow. All ok my end, just a bit fed up and sigh-ful. I know that's not a word, but it should be. So, I request a Sunday joke please.

xx

Hi Alan hope your ok just want to thank you so much again for all the fab support you've given me since very beginning your one in a million you help so many ppl :)) I must admit every time I post to you I think of shaved bits and shaved legs lol! Good to laugh Lu x

Call yourself a chip shop and you don't have orange chip's?
Orange /battered chip's are a Midlands delicacy

Cheers Al, I think that's the hard part the not knowing why, I'm aware he has left a letter so maybe his family will have some answers. He leaves behind a son a couple of years younger than mine and hope he keeps strong and doesn't let this derail his life.

KTF

Captains Log , Stardate 6 11 2016 .1707 !

Alway's wanted to say that , can remember as akid trying to guess this weeks episode's stardate and alway's totally Peeed off caus I never got it right :((.

Anyway , afternoon dear diary !.

Nothing much gambling related to report , feel a bit of a fraud on here at times but I'm just not getting thhe urges anymore , which I'm not knocking at all , doesn't mean I don't remember them just that I have no time in my life for them anymore , they used to visit until one day I just told em to f**k off and leave me alone and they haven't come back for quite a while although I'm alway's on my guard against a rematch !.

Had a great weekend , well Saturday night and Sunday with my partner and the dog's and all the fosterkids , nice Chinese and a bottle of wine ( alright 2 bottle's of wine ) on Sat night , must remember to stay of the wine when I take my statin tablet as I get the most horrendous Leg cramps , I've never known pain like it and it strikes without warning , drink beer and I'm fine but it must be the Grape mix which causes the jip ?.

So woke this morning to the sound of a loud moaning 14 month old baby boy , sounding like He was auditioning for the x factor , I've discovered I can only ignore it for about 20 min's 25 at a push before all chance of nodding back off has gone for the day and I admit defeat and get up :(( , he's always got asmile waiting for us so I shouldn't complain but I reckon it's more of an evil snigger as if to say " Yeah , I won again " .

The other boys 6 and 9 have taken a shine to dressing up of late , the eldest as a knight and the younger brother as a Policeman , complete with truncheon , helmet and Hi viz jacket not to mention his metal handcuffs which weve hidden his keys to because he like leaving his brother chained up to something ( not a problem until he tells social services how his brother was chained to the drainpipe in the garden) ? .

So we took them all for a nice long walk to a country park this morning , cold but beautifull day full of sunshine , 3 dog's my partner and myself a baby in a buggy , a Knight and a police officer who's main phrase for the entire walk was , " Hello , what's all this then been going on here " w*f , I tried correcting him but after the 27th go , let him.do it the way he wanted . I then decided to tell them how lucky it was if they could catch a falling leaf from a tree ( never worked for me as a gambler ) but hopefully it's true for kids ? , they spent about an hour trying to catch leave's to no avail so I made them stand under a thin branch laden with golden looking leaves ready to drop , the squeel's of delight coming from those kids was just brilliant as hundreds of leave's fell all over them , something so simple but something they'd never experienced in thier short live's before .

I'm glad firework night's over as my little Patterdale terrier get's more frightened every year , I really need to speak to the vet about some sedative's next year , she's 12 now and although they didn't bother her in her youth she's terrified and just shake's and pant's for hours :((.

Really glad that altghough a little quiet of late on here , lot's of love and support on the forum :)) Nobody knows a gambler like another gambler and I think all that we go through in trying to beat our demon's should be passed on to those that perhaps haven't been in recovery as long , I can remember my early weeks on here and am absolutely certain that without the support I recieved from the start , I wouldn't be where I am today in such a great place :)) .

Keep positive that you can make things change for the better future you want and the one you owe yourself :))

Love , respect and best wishes to all in recovery .

Alan xx Compulsive Gambler not had a bet for 425 day's :)))

Loved reading your post Alan, whilst reading I felt like I was catching leaves with you all! It's great to have you on here. You're an inspiration to all.
Keep up the good work!!

My apologies for running out its been a testing week. A family feud playing out on a remembrance page for my late brother in law. So I just wanted to unplug for a few day's. My wife's also been away on a hen so I've had the kid's all weekend we've had much fun. Although my 3 year old son hasn't quite got the hang of throwing knives yet. And don't ask about the downpipe firework slash rocket launchers we made. Hopefully the police will let him off with just a caution. After all he is only 3? Let's just hope the neighbours don't tell my wife when she gets back
Kisses

Nice one Harold! If trouble is going to appear in my life, it always happens this time of year 🙁 life in general and making ends meet this month is a problem because my lovely employer decided to take a bonus out of my regular salary for no particular reason. Still trying to get to the bottom of it over a week later but not going to do my old default of trying to gamble my way out of a hole and digging Lake Superior in the process. George seems to be either at work or school, so just feeling a little more alone than usual. I spent the afternoon doing a spring clean, and now have the roast on (the devil makes use of idle hands and all that). Anyway, an Alan corker always cheers me up! Thanks Sir Alan. Although I have to say, you have a little competition, Martin told me a fab joke on Facebook, probably not one I can repeat on here though lol lol!

xx