NEW DAWN , NEW DAY , FEELING GOOD !

Been a while ain't it ? :)) Thanks everyone for all your kind comments and concern , it's very much appreciated .

So It's been a bit of a week or so ! , We no know we'll be having the kids for xmas ( personally I'd rather it be turkey ) but their not going back to their parents and as we thought the two youngest will be going for adoption but the eldest who has slight learning difficulties will be placed for long term fostercare , there's pro's and cons with all of it really but it's still a bit dificult for me to get my head around if I'm honest so I've no idea how the kids are feeling ? , It also means the eldest will continue to have contact with his parents but the two youngest once adopted will no longer see their parents and the only solace I can take from it is that the social services have prospective adoptive parents in mind that are very interested in taking the two youngest together but that's probably a couple of months away at the moment . Also had a bit of aweek with the kids who both ended up in A&E on seperate day's after having fit's , we thought it may have been the trauma of being told about the future plans by the social worker but they actually took the news quite well and the episodes were all down to a virus with high temperature . The kids parent's aren't helping matters either , at contact the other night they tried to give the eldest an old mobile phone which is against the rules of contact and was spotted by the lady supervising the visit , who told them he wasn't allowed it , my partn er then drove home and found out by the other brother that the eldest had been given it again by his mother and she'd put the tracker on to find out where they were living , it's all been reported just in case they try anything but the middle one has his birthday next week and everyone's concerned that his family will turn up and try something ?.

Really busy in the shop with the lead up to xmas and not been well myself this week which didn't help things , I don't do ilness well and turn into a right miserable Sh.1t when I am , hence the reason I didn't post last week ( it doesn't take much to upset me ) 🙁 and been a bit down if I'm honest , I think it's been all the uncertanty over the kids not feeling so hot and also have my blood tests again tommorow for my Diabetes which is no biggy but always gets me worried .

That all being said , there's always things worth laughing at , Deano's confession of running on a "pink " running machine , his wife's he say's but I'm not so sure ? combine that with the new photo on his thread and I do have my concern's ! , I worked in the clothing trade for a few years and all the models that posed that way seemed to shall we say " Lean't the other way " but "hey ho " if your'e here to come clean about your gambling then maybe getr it all out there eh? :)) and while I'm on the subject of photo's it seems Twink's has been at it too with a photo that when it first popped up from the page at me the other day , I first thought was something out of an Anne Summers catalogue ? it was only after reeling back in shock I realised it was in fact "Zippy " from Rainbow ( thankfully ) :)) , looking forward to what Loxxie's gonna post now ????.

In the garage this morning for a couple of Costa's and was given two peel off scratchcards with them , which both won and allowed me 2 free coffee's :)) , then the lady at the cash desk said as I had been so luck in winning 2 free ones perhaps I should " Go and buy some lottery tickets as it must be my day " ? ....................................... a bit of nervous laughter later and I was on my way with my warming drink :)) . Managed to get some shopping done this afternoon at a local retail outlet that houses the Casino I did much of my damage at, although I am self excluded so no chance again even if the urge struck . I bought a gift voucher for my partners son and his girlfriend for a meal out and as I was paying the girl said " I must just tell you that the voucher can't be used in the Casino " ? " Oh Bugg..er " I thought , Do you reckon someone been talking ? LoL !!.

Apologies to anyone that I may have missed with a milestone Number , a busy week and I'll try and get back to you soon :))

I've worked out this week that life is not always brilliant even if you don't gamble anymore but I also realise how much worse it would be had I still been gambling , I'm here 450 odd day's gamble free supporting my partner where needed and able to help out where needed , buying presents with money earnt and not having to take out more loans or Credit cards to do it ,life's not always a bed of roses but I'm in a much better place mentaly to deal with the cr.aap it throws at us instead of running to gambling to hold my hand and I'm once again looking forward to xmas and spending precious time with those I love :)).

Stay safe people and keep making the right decisions not to gamble :))

Talk to you soon and love to all .

My name is Alan and I'm a recovering Compulsive Gambler xx

Hi Alan! So happy to see you back here but sorry too about problems with you foster kids, it sounds a minefield of emotions really hope the family don't turn up on the birthday. You definitely need to take care of yourself x know exactly what you mean by you cope better with life's ups downs gf. Hope your feeling better now and everything sorts itself out with the kids. It's time for me to get ready for work do love and leave you for now. Take Care hun Lu xx

Hey you..
Sorry to hear things are a bit delicate with the winkles..
I remember when I was training..35 years ago...I was posted to a social services nursery unit.....at just 18 some of the stories broke my heart...
I've often thought if there was less high paid social workers and office staff....and more practical hands on cheaper help ....someone appointed to live in with the families in crisis..teaching them how to parent and look afer a family unit....there may be less kiddies in care system...who knows..
It just seems tragic to separate siblings....for whatever reason...
At least you and yours have given them a glimps of family life...
And you've got to remember that Alan....I'm sure the stability you've given them will play apart in the changes facing them..
Massive respect to you and the mrs for doing this...
Like you've said...life is all about ups/downs...lots of it not easy...
But least when faced without the added chains of addiction...it all seems do able....and way less complicated....
You offer so much support to everybody on here...and I know it's appreciated....but don't forget yourself....relax and chill a bit..
Like you life's just manic at the moment....but hey ! least it's our life's...not our addictions !
I could go on and on my love...but got to get ready to open at 1...
Just wanted you to feel the love !
Ohhhh
I would put a picture up...
But I ain't got a clue how too...
Don't know what id put up either...
Maybe my other big brothers may have some suggestion : )
Jeeezzzz....this will be a scummer !
Catch you laterz
Mwahhhhh

I thought I might of snuck the pink machine past your radar but oh well. Just another note the picture is a stock photo. So yes it's not me.

As for the kid's I don't know the back story but I feel for the parents having there kids taken from them. Saying that it was obviously the best decision else they wouldn't of been taken away.
It's heartbreaking there not going to be placed together.
Good on you and the family for taking them in.

Anyway good to see you back.
I missed our little talks and so did many.

Kisses

Hello, sorry your having a hard time of late I sincerely hope your in a better place with it all soon. it's sad when they have to separate children but unfortunately it happens a lot. Take comfort that whilst they have been with you they have had normality and a loving and safe environment. Take care of yourself and rest speak to you soon. Oh and not long now for your op so you need to keep your strength up for that x

Afternoon Harold.

I know the feeling of being a bit flat all to well. A lot of the times I just think of packing my bags and abandoning my diary.
But that's what the gambaling addict wants. One less wall to sneak through. The forum keeps me on my toes. Sometimes I look at the bad things and think that's where I'm heading of I chose to continue to gamble. But on the flip side and look at the good achievements and think that's my destination if I stay the course.

I know a lot of my post's don't show it but I am really self conscious. That's why my main focal point at this time is getting in shape.
I'm probably considered as just abstaining.
I don't go to ga or chose to see a counsellor.
My mission is more dropped in the wilderness and see if I can survive with just a knife for companionship.

I don't feel the need to have someone tell me why I gambled
That I already know.

Gambaling was pretty much my childhood. It evokes happy memories for me.
Stir that together with being bought up to be competitive
That's the perfect recipe to become the compulsive gambaler.

Random post alert.
And I didn't even mention your age?

Kisses

I'm the same with the yo yo. I seem to go between 12 to 14 stone every year.
I've taken up the running to try and find some balance in my life.
The first 2 week's I weighed myself I was absolutely gutted I think I maybe put on 2lb lol
Turns out I had the running machine in reverse (joke) lol
But when I measured myself I'd lost a total 10 inches on my body
Which is why you should always measure yourself not weigh yourself.
I enjoy it because it's a pursuit my wife has always enjoyed. So it's a bit more bonding time as an added bonus.
My kids also enjoy it.
You've never seen anything as funny as a 3 year old on a cross trainer there little legs lol

Like you al I'll take abstaining for now.

As for you. You once said to me take the things you need from here and f**k the rest. Pretty solid advice?

Kisses

You are meant to be resting and chilling out...not jumping to naughty conclusions ....or reliving memories from yesteryear.. .it's just not good for your ticker. ...
And you know darn well I was refering to a marquee erection on the new terrace ! Lol
Mwahhhhhhhh

Hello thank you for my post, I understand what your saying about the down side of being a foster parent with regards to saying goodbye, I don't think I could do it and that's why you and your partner are so valued doing what you do. Some of these kids have seen things a child should not have seen, they have been abused and beaten, have no self worth and normally have not had the toys or even basic essentials like the appropriate clothing for the weather as most kids have had. On a positive note these kids are luckier then baby P and Victoria Climbie who the system failed but they require love and support and that's where fostering comes in. On another note look how many days you have clocked up now being gf, you have to be proud of yourself. Hope your back to your normal self soon x forgot to say 55 is not old is the new 45 x

What do you call a dog with wings?! Hope you're ok Harold, and the melancholy mood has gone. Chrimbo is gonna be great for you this year, it's always special when kiddywinks are about (I still remember that butterflies in the stomach feeling of being young at Christmas, it's magic!) Are you going to be doing the stocking run? Heart in the mouth moment, trying not to make a sound while delivering stocking to end of lightly-sleeping childs bed, then feeling of triumph and relief that you've made it without waking said child up lol, oh, smiling at the memory myself. My 16 year old still expects a stocking, I'd quite like one myself to be honest haha!

So, do you like my Zippy? What does that make you, Bungle or George? Loxxie has to be Jane, Bal and Martin are Rod and Freddy of course, so I'll leave you and Deano to fight it out to be Bungle 🙂 I had put my foot in it (who moi?) the day I changed my profile pic, Zippy used to be a nickname of mine when I was young so it seemed appropriate for the day.

Anyway, take care Al.

xx

Definitely not Mr T lol

Anyhow hows my good freind Harold? Not long till the dogs get that treat of the old bones is it?

Cheers Alan.
And thanks for all the support over the month's aswell.

Have a good one bud.

Kisses

I'm heading out the door to do the school run, but couldn't log off without popping in and saying hello. Sorry you're feeling a bit glum, chum. I've had that blah feeling too. It'll go. But until it does, here's a cyber hug. I'd send chocolates, but I know they're not allowed. Keep those chins up uncle George 🙂

Great news on the diabetes front. Sexual favours eh? Well, if you can still manage it at your age then go you. I hadn't realised that's what the BUPA premium was for!

It's true...our minds can really f**k us up some times. I think those are the sorts of smaller, everyday worries that gambling blocked out. They didn't have to be big, monumental past struggles or life changing catastrophes. Just the way we can let our minds run away with the what ifs. Perhapes that's part of the blaaahhh? Feeling all that instead of hiding from it? I now know that I always had blah days.Everyone does.But I never really felt them coz I was too busy watching reels spin. And every time I've stopped chinging for a sustained period of time the blah starts and I start to think "oh god, life's cr@P, It's boring, I hate this" and I head back to Cleopatra to de-blah myself. So noticing that what's been going on and just accepting that blahness comes and goes, and that it's normal, and that every day doesn't have to be a 10 has really helped me get a handle on things.

I haven't been posting much, but I'll often pop on and have a read. I just don't feel like I've got much to say. I'm really doing ok (which seems like quite a boring update!) and I seem to have worked through all my angst and deep thoughts, so I've got far less to put in my diary.This place goes through cycles, and I think we've been around long enough to know that the energy ebbs and flows. The sheer number of new people posting is exhausting. And many are at that initial motivated stage and I don't want to burst anyone's bubble 🙂 The old timers are all still here though, and we come and go as needed. I'm confident that if any of us came on in a crisis the support and responses would come thick and fast.

The thoroughbred is good thanks:) These mild days are making things super easy up there at the moment. I even found myself contemplating getting back in the saddle...luckily I got a grip of myself pretty quickly on that one.

Keep well. LB x