Good morning all,
I have set up a new account as I wanted to start a fresh and not see all the rubbish I have spouted on here in the past.
After a slip up over the weekend it is now time for me to really face the truth. I am a gambling addict.
I have realised this by turning a small amount of money into a nice amount of profit and still not being satisfied with it and being happy to just continue playing even if it meant finishing even. My nice profit went to evens, to a loss. I am just dismayed at the fact I am prepared to keep playing and playing rather than taking the winnings. What is the point in using a site to win money when winning money is not the object for me. What was I expecting to win?? Hundreds of thousands....unlikely.
My story begins back in 2005 when I was first introduced to fruit machines in the pub and like many of others on here somehow winning the jackpot on only a few quid. I swear back in those days the fruities paid out a lot easier than nowadays.
The thrill was there and this turned into online roulette, slots and FOBT's. My biggest loss on online roulette was about £3k in one morning back in 2006 getting myself into a bit of financial ruin. After crawling back out of this mess I ended up doing it again with another £2.5k on online slots in 2008.
I have always had the odd punt on the fruities when having a beer but recently after getting back in touch with an old friend who also enjoyed the fruit machines I have slipped right back into it all. I have lost about £200 in the last 3 or 4 weeks just on £100 jackpot fruitmachines. Note after note going in and not a sniff of a jackpot being paid out. I also lost about £100 in the bookies - again note after note going in the FOBT's. I even won all my money back and more - collected it and thought "just one more spin". That turned into many more and then into £0.00?!
Now 10 years on I have no debt, I have a family, a house, a (very) small amount of savings and I still find myself being an idiot. This weekend I didnt go out so no fruit machines but set up a new online casino account (one of the few sites I can still have an account with after all others that I can think of are self excluded). £50 down, deposit £150. Turn this into £300.00 so £100 up. Then go from the slots to roulette and the £300.00 gone in about 10 minutes. Feeling annoyed, feeling disappointed, feeling gutted.
Another account closed.
Now that the football season is over, the horse racing scene has had my favourite jockey retire, the lottery being a complete waste and all of my online accounts closed now it is time to stop. And properly stop.
As I said - I have no debt so at least that is one thing.
I would estimate my losses over the 10 year span to be about £8-10k. Thankfully there is no debt anymore.
I think I will put my time and effort into this site and helping others with my story and advice.
Hello Dan... your situation could be alot worse. As you say, gambling is a complete waste of time energy and money because we don't stop when logic says its time to stop. The only solution is not to play.
All the best with your recovery journey.
Keep posting... S.A
Well, it has been a year and a half since I last logged in to this site and posted on my profile and reading the above not much has changed in that time. I still find myself when out with my friends putting anywhere up to £30 in to a fruit machine and NEVER walking away up. I have found myself betting on the football and again also never walking away up - always one team letting me down!!!
I reached a new low on Sunday, out of the blue I stupidly thought I will pop £50 into a new online casino account (as I have opened and closed pretty much every single sports betting site available) and I played an online slot machine. After spending £10-15 of the initial £50 I was on the bonus board and my balance was sitting at a nice £180, I had only been playing for a few minutes. However, I found that despite being £130 up as I hadnt been playing for long I hadnt satisfied my urge to gamble and neither was the prospect of being £130 up enough to make me stop.
I am sure you can all guess what happened....I wanted to turn that £180 into £200, the £180 became £150 - ah well I am still £100 up, but I am sure I can get back to £180. The £150 became £100 - ah well I am still £50 up....and so it continued until I was at £0 and then I found myself depositing another £50, then another £100 and then a further £100. So in the end I went from being £180 up after about 5 minutes to an hour later being £300 down.
I thought to myself; what would have happened if I had turned £180 into £200? So what, I still wouldnt have stopped! And although I am gutted I lost £300 it really hit home for the first time about how my mind works.... £130 up was not enough, it didnt satisfy me, I wanted more. How much would I have needed to win to in order to walk away (satisfied)? I assume unless it was a life changing amount then no amount that I won would have been enough for me to quit.
It is strange that I have lost thousands and thousands in the past and know I had a problem and I needed to stop but it wasnt until I closed down the website on Sunday after losing the £300 that I actually had that lightbulb moment where I realised no amount of winnings would be enough (again unless lifechanging). I see friends with betting apps stake a few quid here and few quid there, maybe win £12 and withdraw the £10 and re-stake the £2, whereas I would re-stake the £12 and undoubtedly lose it.
One positive is that I was using savings rather than building up debt, but the savings are now back to the bare bones.
I think I know what I need to do now.
Hi Dan
Your posts read like a balance of payments. What do you get out of documenting transactions like this?
To me this suggests your P-issed off cos you lost.
Why don't you focus on a) why you are prone to addictive behaviour, and b) what you will do to stop
Louis
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