New diary

Hi G

I read a thread somewhere else and while I have no idea what has gone on I want to to know what a top bloke you are and you have helped many many people though this site. The support you continue to offer is incredible. And on top of this you continue your own recovery journey.

You have my utmost respect my friend.

Graham

A message being sent from the "wings" of the Gamcare forum, so might be "delayed" in arriving or not even get posted at all!!

DaveP is "spot on".

You are a great bloke whom offers immense support to use cg's not only on-line, but also "behind the scenes". I know that you are a very modest person. So won't embarass you on-line by posting about all your achievements and the help you have given to others. As that is just not your style, and also says what a humble bloke you are.

But just to let you know, that are still many out here. That have not forgotten your help and support and will never forget either!

All the best

RayG

Thank you so very much for those kind words. I have always said that I get more out of supporting than I put in.

Not been the greatest of years for me but at least no gambling thoughts. I see so many people here that have done well. Some have slipped but had the guts to get back here for another try. That takes courage.

Again guys, thanks for the kind words. Helping out is a 2 way street and certainly helps me to keep my life in perspective. Take care.

Dave I have sent you a private message on MSE.

graham, just want to add my best wishes and support to you

we have 'known' each other for a long time, and like the others want to remind you about the positives. let go of the negatives and keep your chin up.

cmon johnny i know u can rise above this

love

f***y

Again Rusty, many thanks for your kind words. I am now letting go of a situation that was misunderstood . more things in life to worry about.

Hey Graham, my friend. Thank you for your posts in my diary. I take great strength from them. Letting go is one of the hardest thing to do for a compulsive gambler. We thrive on chaos. If things are going wrong we're really good at having the answers in our heads. Many different answers that is. Because we are so very good at scenario building. I am a prime example. All the stuff I was thinking about my son and my angel when in fact that wasn't for me to try and sort. We all do the same I think. Because it is so much easier to concentrate on others and solve their issues then it it to look at oneself and change things from within. I am glad you are letting go. Let's practise some more in 2011. Sending love and Hugs. God Bless. Sabine. xx

Hi cyber pops, been ages since posting on your diary, took some hunting to find yours.

Your short post made me smile. thanks as always. Hope you are well.

Take care and we will catch up soon. ands

Hi Graham.

It struck me recently that i have never read through your diary before so i thought i would put that right tonight!

I've been finding it hard to completely let go of gambling since joining up here 15 months ago but i think i am getting there. It's really important to see someone like yourself racking up the years as it just goes to show the likes of myself that it can be done.

I had a little chuckle to myself when i saw that you refer to yourself as a compulsive saver these days. I've noticed that when i am not gambling i do get very perturbed at paying over the odds for anything!

Thanks for your constant support in 'chat' it is much appreciated.

Hi G,

glad to see you are still ok and not gambling.

It is very hard to let go of things, Sabines post made me think a lot about myself. I reckon we could all have a look inside and find something that we need to let go of.

Take care,

f x

No gambling thoughts really is the way to go!

GT

Hi Graham

Thanks for your support tonight. I did not realise how soothing and helpful just understanding alone is.

You have beaten this for a long time now and still are here to give support just by understanding.

Like I have said 3 years no gambling, 3 months gambling, 2 week stopping and 1 hour gambling.

I feel such rage at the moment and I am not naturally an angry person. Maybe things are coming out now which I cannot handle either.

Anger was not allowed growing up. Anger had to be swallowed without a tear or a word said. Maybe it's a good sign that I actually start to feel emotions. Emotions which were not allowed growing up. No negative emotions allowed what so ever. Quiet, swallow and not a word.

1 hour of gambling a couple of days ago. No, it's certainly not the money which I had a problem with. 1 hour of selfhatred.

I feel like a vulcano at the moment.

No matter what I am determined.

But I still have not learnt what a "normal happy" life is and how to live it and how to sustain it. Fear of trust and closeness. I think a lot of it I found when I ran into my world of addiction. This cosy save world.

Diving into it and forget.

I know all this should be in my diary but I write it on your diary.

Probably because I feel safer here as I know you are in a safe world.

Jojo x

Graham

Posted the following track on Lili's diary. But thought you might like to hear it as well? Even at the risk of seeming a bit "***" on here, dedicating it to you!!!

But I personally think it is a very inspiring song and has a great saxophone section.

Hope you like it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8oxb4LayC7A

RayG

Graham

You seem to be quite a widely read bloke whom likes to keep his mind occupied? Take a look at this site. Might a course or a series of lectures you might be interested in?

http://academicearth.org

All the best

RayG

Well friends. I guess it is time to fess up. In April last year I felt very disturbed. Depression and anxiety. Pretty much kept it to myself but the problem is now hitting the fan. I have been diagnosed with severe depression, anxiety and OCD.

Treatment is not going too well. Also I think my contract is about to cease. Thankfully no mortgage or debt, my wife who is a dedicated carer brings a small wage.

Just to say no gambling going on, but my doc thinks that working is out of the question.

We do have a fair lump of cash stashed and the first of the pensions kick out next month, old work pensions and private for my wife.

Been trying to fight the demons but not doing to well with it. Lots of meds but not doing very well.

It is good that I have a wonderful wife, a great doctor and friends in the real world and online.

At 62 I need to bridge the gap when my pensions kick in. Fairly decent. Seeing what I am entitled to. Really hate it as I have always been a hard working guy.

Well that is where I am right now. Not happy about it but that is the situation.

Finding it very hard at the moment, however I decided to out it here.

Been keeping it to myself for a long time, it is scary and I hate the situation.

Anyway, thanks for reading,

Hey there my friend. BIG HUG coming your way. I can't give any advice from my own experience and I feel a bit helpless. If I could take this away from you, Graham, you know I would. I'm here for you if you want to chat. You have my e-mail. Let's exchange phone. numbers and we can talk. I don't know if I can be of any help but I will give it my best to be your friend. Maybe now is the time to get counselling help? Sometimes in life we need more specific help then gamcare or Safe Harbor or even G.A. can give. I know from my upbringing that we put upon ourselves the task of getting on with life and sorting things out ourselves without any outside help. I have learnt since, that it is ok to have that help when I need it for my own wellbeing. And you know, it really isn't as bad as I made it out to be in my head. I pray for you to find peace of mind and the courage you need to get yourself better. Lots of love. God Bless. xx