New diary

Ditto!

Thanks for dropping in, always nice to hear from my cyber pops.

There's a place for you in my heart and im sure we will meet up one day. Life's s**t at times but hang on to the good times and the people who love you.

I sound a ******, so im off.

You take care mate, ands.

Hey Graham

Don't post here that often anymore but just wanted you to know that i'm here.....

Love

Jane

Graham, you definitely have a claim from reading your posts,remember without the proper formal procedures they have failed in what makes this such a great country sic (i am sure easy life will post to this!!) but the meds will help you with the ocd where you can get a back on an even keel,glad to see that family life is bringing you great happines,i will drink to that.Bless you.

Hi Graham,

I have been reading your post's and I believe in what you say....

Easy li£e

Once again, thank you for your very welcome support . Just an update. I went to MIND today . Good guy there who knew the ins and outs of filling in the DLA form. He totally expanded , yet in a truthful way , on my condition . Did a great job . Of course my wonderful wife was there . Love her more now than ever .

It`s a year now since I have felt ill . Yes I have had depression and anxiety on and off for decades . For years I was fine , rapidly moving through the ranks to become a company director at 28 . When it was taken over by an American company I was offered the job of European managing director. At 33!!!! No way . Would be way out of my league . Only mention this to state when I was indeed functioning well I was fairly good at what I did . Also I have a bad trait inherited from my grand father , I am really not keen on authority or being messed around .

Anyway . up to date . Well the illness has manifested itself with a ton of symptoms . Depression , anxiety , ocd , ( that is a right pig ) agrophobia and audio hallucinations . Now that I have never had . I hear the door knock but now one is there or the door bell ringing . A couple of days ago I heard a dog in the bedroom . Not scary but wierd . Doc says it is to do with anxiety . In the same way I have serious tremors , mainly in my hands . Try amd laugh at that as when I eat dinner it goes all over the place . Or as I am a computer freak , try installing some thing like a hard drive , lol .

We have few out goings but I am sad that my wife can`t go part time this year as planned . Always worked but it is being impressed on me that " I am ill ". That is a hard pill to swallow but I guess my coping skills have failed me this time . I was only hospitalised once , at 19 . Had to give up my training to be an art and music teacher.

We got to MIND and walked in . I shed a few tears . I said to my wife, I can`t believe this , it is turning the clock back 43 years , it is almost like being hospitalised again . I am finding this hard at my age that Angie has to be the main bread winner . Works her nuts of for a dreadful care company , 20 hours this week end!!!! You sure don`t earn much doing that . Yet only a few years ago i was paying £12 k a year in tax and NI. I might say I was delighted to do so as I was earning the money .

I have been isolating myself . So Gc has been great for one of my portals to the world . I do try to take a short walk of an evening , 10 minutes to the local shop , get a drop of cider but glad to get back.

Wasn`t that long ago when I was so outward going . Good Saturday night out at the local but I wouldn`t want it now . Won`t give you my surname , however you will see a few references to me for bands and recordings I played mainly in the 80`s .

I never thought that I could lie in bed all day until tea time . However no motivation . Shocking to say but telling you the truth . The guy who 30 years ago was flying all over the place , business and holidays . Leading seminars , a trainer , great technical salesman .

I find it amazing that I can share all this here , but by and large , so many good people are here . Hope you don`t mind me unburdening here. Good to get some of my thoughts down .

Jut a little update . Again thanks for your support . I am in my hometown right now for a weeks break .Nice to have family around and God children . In fact today one of them made a great uncle .I have decided that is too heavy o I am going to be called a fairly good uncle .

Well in the end the company sent me a letter .Dismissed as from today . Stupid gits said I wa in breach of contract . Um , what contract ? It was done on an handshake . Oh dear , mistake number one . Also a I have not commited a serious breach , e.g , selling my customer data base to a competritor , stealing or defrauding , I am entitled to notice and either compensation or an idemnity .

The tone was almost insulting . In fact it has improved my mood , I am up for a fight .

Ast happen , at the same time the proffesional body I belong to has ceased trading due to the downturn . They provided specialist solicitors . Oh well , the law practises are still trading I guess so will contact them . If they feel I have a case we are looking at a no win , no fee .

Anyway , first shot is a letter from me requiring a copy of a signed contract . See how the lying toe rags get out of that one .

Well I wasn`t expecting a " hope you get better soon " letter . In fact the letter was boarding on scare tatics . Well that gets my gander up . So hopefully I will have a case .

Other news is we are intending to move back near London . A I have said earlier , my sis in law has been deserted by her husband of 30 years for a new model . Sad little man . Anyway , we are looking into doing a deal where sis in law drops claims to his pension provision in return she gets the lion share of the house . We sell up and buy somewhere big enough for all of us .

To say that we get on is an understatement and I think it could work out . Lots to think about but that is OK . Sis in laws daughter is in fact closer to me than her father and she is well up for it . Mind you she has a really nice bloke who I like and will most likely be moving in with him shortly .

Had a good day today apart from the OCD which is a bummer . Saw a number of friends and felt able to drive the gas guzzler on my own and go to a Polish shop to buy some of their nice beer. Nervous but did it . Weather has been realy wonderful so enjoyed sitting outside .

Sadly the mood swings are not predictable . This illness is so strange . Loads of meds that help a bit but the agrophobia is a new one .

What is great , everyone in my family and a lot of my friends are aware of my illness so that is less pressure . Hoping to have a decent day tomorrow . Loverly wife and sis in law are doing a bit of shopping therapy . So hoping I can do a sshort drive to my best friends house for a visit . We have been mates for decades .

Wa really pleased to get a txt from Ands who I mey here some time ago and is doing really well in recovery .

Hope you smashing supporters will forgive me for not posting on your diaries but love ya all .

Bless you my friend that I am so proud of . Thanks for your txt , chuffed with that . Got my niece to txt you back . I am not very good at it . Hope you received it .

Look ing forward to the day we meet up .

Hello there, dear friend.

Sorry for neglecting you for a while. Life has a habit of throwing things at ya at a 100 miles an hour and I only have one racket to throw it back with, so it takes a while.

Rest assured you are never far away from my thougths. I am glad you are out and away from home for a bit to spend some time with an obviously, loving family.

It's nice for your wife to have a break too.(At least I hope she had a chance to rest)

Mental health issues have still such a stigma attached. I find it incredible. All these things are coming up to the surface more and more and I believe it is because the emphasis is on work work work more, earn less, so you have to work more to be able to live.

Crazy world. Sometimes I think we should just get 30 or so friends together, buy a farm somewhere and just live that hippie life you referred to. Just imagine, growing enough food to live off, use energy from candles and natural sources, slow the pace right down.... no more rat races, chasing material goals, that don't really make us happy.... wouldn't that be sweet....

You, my friend, must accept that you have had a complete burnout and that it will take a long time to heal... you have your lovely lady by your side and like you said, material things aren't everything. I am grateful for the things I have now, I don't need more...

Last weekend, angel and I drove to Victoria Country Park, flask of tea and some sandwiches and our foldable chairs. We sat by the water in the shade under some trees and watched the world go by.

We scraped together enough small change to buy an ice cream and felt at peace with the world...

Little things in life mean so much more now

I hope you plans with your sis-in-law work out. It seems like a wise move to make. It's sometimes good to pool resources and as you seem to be getting on well, it might be just what you need to stop worryng about Angie doing too many hours.

I wish you well.

And like you, I haven't forgotten our date for a coffee. I hope your lovely Angie will be able to join us when it finally happens. You never know, you may even get to meet my angel.

Until then my firend, stay as strong as you can. I am sendign lots of love and healing your way. You are always in my prayers.

God bless

Sabine xx

Congrats on becoming a great uncle Graham! I always found holding a sleeping baby very soothing when my nerves were bad...they look so peaceful.

Anyway, patience my friend, and accepting that which you cannot at the moment change.

Take care,

f x

Graham,congrats on the family news,could not have happened to a nicer person.

Good to see your fighting your case,that contract will never emerge,they will ignore it.But keep all references and you will win,ask for a copy of the company handbook as well and see where that takes you.

On the other front dont worry about posting sometimes its nice to just look after yourself.

But saying that dont go away for good!!

All the best mate.

Just to say , what a great bunch of folk you are with all your support . The last thing I would encourage is gambling , strangely enough , I don`t think I have ever met a CG ( or CG in recovery ) that inside is not a caring and good person .

Well here we are back in the West Country but with a plan . Heck I must have a good day as I insisted on doing half the driving . It was fine . Must have been a real tonic going back home .

Down a little tonight mainly because of the OCD but excited that we will be making plans to move back . Bro in law has promised that he won`t false the house sale for 2 years . So plenty of time to get sorted .

To be honest , I coudn`t make this move if it was anyone else , but our Pam is like a sister , known her from her early teens and is good fun and a party animal . Just like me , lol . Clearly there is a lot to sort out , seriously though I think we can do that . So upbeat for a change .

Wednesday will be a toughie . My wonderful wife is back at work and I am the not working . Was thinking in nearly 40 years , I only stopped working for 2 weeks . Even then I was a hot pop star, lol , but still had an income from lots of gigs . In fact it is sad for me that being in the same industry for all that time , bar about 5 months , my exit it is hardly on a high .

Apart from a Big Issue seller I can`t see much hope in working again , and an orange pinny from B and Q would clash with my complexion .

Still as I recover I can be a house husband , I am sure I will look stunning in a maids uniform . I am fixing on really developing my hobby , how to make your computer stop working .

I have very deep concerns regarding the online rubbish and hope to investigate that further , and as a republican I might get into spoof videos of the royal wedding , joke .

I am coming around to accepting that I did have a mental breakdown after lots of pressure from Ange and my doctor . Hard to take on board but there ya go . Did warn my niece not to take a shower but the all there knives are blunt . Oooops , a bit over the top there but at least I can laugh at it . In the same way that due to severe tremors in my hands I have to sometimes where a bib as my food goes flying all over the place .

Oh well , gearing up for my Burberry cap , bling and an M reg Corsa with a huge sound system in in it ready to become a Bennie boy . Anyway , paid the regime enough in tax so totally no guilt in getting a bit back .

Anyway , that`s what is going on at the moment . My wife was afraid that taking on the people I have contracted to for so many years would bring me down . Quite the opposite . If I roll over, it will be another resentment and we all know what resentments can do . If I have no case , well OK ,at least I tried but I do need some sort of closure for my own sake .

Well there ya go . Keeping my diary up to date and once again thanks to all you folk that are supporting me.

Great to hear a post from you where you sound pretty happy.

Yes, you have health problems that cause real acute suffering a lot of the time - been there or thereabouts and it is extremely difficult - but you still have your sense of humour!

Love the mental image of you as some sort of mrs. doubtfire character, lol, and it makes sense what you say about not wanting to let the ratbags off the hook on your work front. There is no harm in trying as you say. No doubt they will try and pull some dirty tricks, so maybe rely on a good solicitor and ask that you only get told the nasty bits if and when you HAVE to know?

Congrats on the driving yesterday, it might seem like a small thing to many, but these achievements are very important. They will gradually gain in size, then one day you will catch yourself and thing "wow! how far I have come from when I was really poorly"

Take care mate,

f x

Hi and again thanks for you support . Very down today . After 4 decades of working I really feel that I have been turned over . My sleep patterns are all over the place . OCD at a premium , really P..... off with it and debilitating .

Poor Ange does a s........ job for a money grabbing care company and me , well I feel a loser right now . Thankfully my family don`t see it that way and I know I am loved . That`s a good feeling . Just been reading my old mates post, ANL . I feel for him .

I was really fed up with all this royal wedding rubbish . I think people could do a little better than sleeping out over night to wave flags to the tax payers funded circus . It really did remind me of the purpose of the Roman games , or maybe the new " let them eat cake ".

Anyway , I kept well away from it although sis in law had it on the TV . So many people in the cart due to total mismangement of the economy, still why worry , Kate looked very nice . Yawn .

Sorry to be a bit pessimistic . I just see through all the charade.

Don`t feel like it but the struggle to get my money from the fiddling gits that I have represented for over 11 years needs to start this week .

As , possibly , the oldest member here , well Rusty is catching up with me , lol , I do recall my younger days . Can`t remember the rip offs and scams , the easy buck or the kick `um in the face attitude . I do , however recall , the keep your nose clean , work hard and the chances of doing OK were pretty good .

I was pleased that my wife had a nice surprise on one of her pensions . It was gar , meaning that they set the payout on taking it up . Delighted that she is getting more , almost double , than what a normal annuity would provide . Mind you they got her jumping through hoops to get it , but at the moment it is very welcome .

It all makes a change from the spivs who mis sold pensions and endowment policies . However a small victory in a world that , frankly , I find hard to understand .

Anyway , cheers for listening to my late night rant .

All my pals here , gambling sucks . Just go careful out there .

Love ya .

Hi G,

Thanks for the reply on my diary,appreciate the thoughts and same from me to you.

Gonna try a new approach though and if you read my last entry you will see where i,m coming from.

Lets put some perspective on our situations,am i to assume that i am probably where you where 20 years ago,grafting etc etc and you are now where i will be in 20 years because if that is the case there are some lessons there for me and you mate.

I,m changing philosophy with this "up the revolution" attitude,i still hope it happens,LOL and i still admire those that stick it to the "rip-off and corruption merchants" BUT its draining me and i think you too SO..............

I,m gonna settle (for now) with where i am and what i,ve got,a good wife,2 great kids and a good family,does this sound familiar to you??? YOU!!!! my friend have got more or less the same,time to let it go and concentrate on enjoying yourself,yes i know that is maybe easier said than done but i,m gonna give it a whirl,nothing to lose coz at the moment i,ve got nothing,LOL

Think maybe we should explore this a bit more and see how it goes,as i said in my diary,we come on to the earth with nothing and we leave with nothing,theres more to that simple message than we maybe realise.

All the best to ya

"" A NEW LIFE ""

Hi Graham

not been around for a while so didn't realise you were having such a hard time.

Just want to wish you all the best,you have so much love what the hell does the money matter, as the last poster said you can't take it with you 🙂

I know it doesn't seem fair but then life isn't fair,it never has been.

You wre so much help to me all those years ago when I joined and also put me in touch with safe harbor,your support has meant so much to me, you will never know how much.

BTW I am 59 this year lol so another oldie.

Thinking of you, take care

love

W xxxx