New Diary - New Start - I can do this!

Hi Rainbow

If I can give you any advice...close them accounts and let go. You will never win! You will only be the winner if you don't waste another £1 and anymore of your time. You seem like a lovely person with a good family and you have many positives in your life. Gambling makes you into something you are not. The urges do subside I promise you...yes they will come but if you have blocks in place this will help so much on your journey.

From my own experience, I didn't close all my accounts intially..I couldn't let go. It's a false, fake feeling trying to keep hold of them. It's like you want to keep the door open 'just in case' but believe me i did that and it resulted in my uping my limits and losing lots (£100's) despite convincing myself that it would be 'just £20'. Then came the feelings of guilt, despair and disappointment

You can do this ...you really can.

Forwards not back

Jewels

As much as I hate to admit this; I know you are right. I know that the only way to succeed is to completely stop.

I closed the biggest just now - self excluded.

I now only have one bingo site open with a £10 a week limit which I am trying to bring myself to close, but closing that final door is proper scary. Like you said, it closes all chances of that big win....

I will do it, just need the right mind frame to do so....

Well done on making the first step.

If you really want to beat this evil addiction, then you really need to close this last one.

It really is time for you to move on and start your gamble-free life. I have hear far too many horror stories on here and elsewhere about people who left doors open, relapsed and got themselves into even more debt.

Please don't let this be you!

NT

I have done it. The final site is now closed. Is there anyway of blocking certain sites from use by my pc? I know one day I will be tempted to set up a new account etc...

Well, at least now I can not gamble online anymore. They are all closed/self-excluded etc....

I wonder of there is a way to block your bank card from being used on gambling sites? Just a thought.

The social side - going to bingo with friends - I cant stop that, not yet, but what I can do is only take enough for my books, leave all cards etc at home and let my friends know so they dont lend me money etc....

We only go about once every two months so its not a big deal, and the lottery, I dont want to stop the lottery - why are certain aspects of gambling socially acceptable and others frowned upon?

This is so hard!!!!! ARGHHHHHH

Really proud of you Rainbow and you have just saved yourself so much stress, despair not to mention saving money! I wish I had when i finally admitted I had a problem and wouldn't have added debts because i couldn't quite close the door. Anyhow you have now and now you must perhaps think about putting a block in place on your PC to make sure you can't open more accounts. There are many...some you have to pay for but K9 you don't need to pay but someone else would need to put a pass code in for you so you can't undo it!

Well done again and I wish you well.

Keep busy and keep posting

Jewels

well hope doing that lottery and every few months bingo works for ya. guess its just fuel for the fire for me and cant set them kinda limits for meself

I guess it is yet to be seen if I can control lottery and occasional bingo trips.

I have a limit set on my lottery account and I have self-excluded from playing any instant games online, so I guess thats under control.

Today is hard. I find myself thinking of what to do - there is lots I should be doing but none that will win me money!!

I want to go to the betting shop but I know I must refrain.

This addiction really is hard to overcome.

The last few days have been easier - perhaps because the blocks are all in place - so I have no accounts I can just log into and 'just deposit a tenner' however many times....

I did some christmas shopping with the money I would usually have gambled.

My partner and I have worked out our budget too, and there is enough money to live a life that is sufficient to provide for our son. I need to focus on that instead of always dreaming of that big win.

It is so hard to refrain from doing something you enjoy. But I guess the key is to find something I enjoy more that is not an addiction and doesn't rip lives apart.

I went to the cinema Friday night - first time in 5 years - it was great! SO much more enjoyment than a night losing money at bingo!

My friend was trying to arrange a bingo sesh last night when I spoke to her - I told her I dont want to go to bingo for a while and asked if she would rather go to the cinema?

I think we are arranging a cinema session instead. She asked why though and I said that I am trying not to gamble anymore - she laughed in a very disbelieving way. That is fair enough - she has been in my life for 21 years and not known me any other way. She has a right to be sceptical too as I owe her thousands of pounds.

She will see I am determined to do this. They all will.

I am so angry with myself right now. I have managed to not gamble, put the blocks in place etc... then today I logged into an old account and the 'cool off' period had expired so I was able to deposit again. So I did. I lost £20 in 5 mins or less....

So I have self-excluded from that one too. But now I feel like cr**. Why did I do that??? I am doing so well, then I go and ruin it for a few minutes of what isnt even fun when you lose!!!!

*Sigh* I guess there is still somewhat of a struggle ahead.

Chin up rainbow dream,you've had a blip,at least u didn't chase the 20.00,we all know wot happens then.

Well done for excluded straight away,you are making progress.

Have u thought about just having a cash card instead of debit card? Another temptation taken away. I'm about to close my bank account,I get my wages directly paid into my partners account,extreme but takes the temptation completly away.

All the best,keep posting.

hi rainbow

i really do thing relapsing is part of the process, please don't beat your self up you spent £20 it could of easily been more

and well done for self excluding straight away, you should download k9 and get someone to do the password email bit for you, but if you think the blocks you have put in place are enough stick to them,

keep strong Hollie xxx

Hi Rainbow

Don't beat yourself up...it was a blip and at least you have done something about it. You excluded yourself and came straight back on here. It could have easily taken you back to that dark place that gambling brings.

So well done for trying to re focus and keep strong. You can beat this for both yourself and your family.

Forwards not back

Jewels

Thank you. My partner has downloaded K9 software so thats another positive step in the right direction on the road to recovery.

I know I can do this, I feel rubbish that I need blocks in place to make it happen and cant do it with will power alone.

I think you need to look at the two different aspects of this problem. The first is the habit of actually doing the gambling. You need to keep busy/keep your mind occupied so that you don't gamble just because it is something you are used to doing. The second aspect is I believe down to our self-esteem. If you don't value yourself you will do things that keep you feeling worthless. There is a lot in gambling about being addicted to the awful feeling you have when you've lost. If you have a low self-esteem if makes you feel you have achieved what you deseved. NOTHING! Try to do things that make you feel good about yourself. Forget money. Gambling, in my view, is never about money any more than being a heroin addict is about poppies! Losing money is just a nasty by-product. Find another interest. Write a book. Take up something that nourishes your soul rather than withers it away. Most of all we need to accept that yes, we will keep getting the urge to gamble for a long time, but if we ignore the urges eventually they'll stop. Keep going Rainbow Dream. We've all fallen and got back on the horse to continue our ride so you're not alone in this.

well at least what ya lost wasnt big but yeah gambling is gambling i guess. sometimes loosing a little can hit worse than loosing large when its taking a step backwards. glad ya got the internet block in place and hope everything is better for ya from here on out.