Hello everyone,
I am a compulsive gambler. Its something that I have been aware of for a very long time but like a lot of gamblers I try and hide from it.
This morning, like so many other mornings, I woke up with the awful feeling that comes after an alcohol fuelled session of online gambling. I have spent my months salary which isnt good as I was already in overdraft in my account.
The highs and lows of gambling have taken their toll on me and I really hate myself. I dont know why I gamble, all I know is that each and every time it happens I promise myself - Thats It - No more. At the time I really mean it. I keep telling myself no more. I even exclude myself from sites. But hey, another bottle of wine 2 or 3 days later with a computer and I will always find another site and open another account. And so the vicious circle returns.
Its the self loathing I hate. I cant stand myself, I am so disgusted with my behaviour. This has been going on far too long. The lying to my sons is killing me. I just need to get my head together.
Hi haslam, i am on my third day of recovery , you have come to the right place . Over the last 3days if i feel the need to gamble i come on here and post something and by the time i have finished typing i have come to my senses. You will find that the way you are feeling is the same way that we all felt and feel . Look keep strong dont dwell on the losses that will drive u mad . Take one day at a time thats what im doing . You will get a lot of good advice on here we are all just like you are we wouldnt be on here we all have a gambling problem . Sam
I'm on day 4 and the self loathing is becoming less and less. The pride in myself and my demeanour is coming back. It's so noticeable to people around you. I have had comments to that effect. Just makes me realise I must have been a zombie for years. Keep going. Make it to a week and crack on from there. Do someone positive every day. Give up your seat on the train. Go see your family you ain't seen for ages coz too much time focused on gambling. Cook a meal with fresh ingredients only. Polish your shoes. Clean out the car so it ain't a tip. Tidy the house so they're ain't so much c**P around. All these normal things can be amazingly uplifting. I am guilty of overlooking all these types of things and when you take the action for self loathing calms down... start to realise you're a decent person and the rebuilding process is well underway. Good luck.
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