Day One.
12 weeks without gambling than let myself down again. I don't know why I keep doing it to myself.
Anyway, what's done is done so I will put it behind me and try again. Fortunately I hadn't lost much money when the betting shop closed. I have been tempted today to go and try to win back what I did lose but I haven't, so that is a good thing.
Sadly I gambled again today.
I am leaving the diaries for a while.
Best wishes to my gamcare friends.
Bye for now.
Stephen x
Stephen, I feel your pain mate. I remember when I first joined up to GamCare, you were one of the first names I remember seeing.
You were on your way to being 6 months free from gambling.
Ask yourself this, do you really want to leave the diaries? Or do you feel as though you should do? If your answer to my first question is ‘no’ then stick around. It’s now that you need your GamCare friends to come to your aid and help you through these tough times.
Whatever you choose to do, I wish you nothing but the best of luck. You’re a good man and I would love to see you conquer this addiction one day!
Dan
Many thanks Dan. I wish you well in all your endeavours.
I really don't understand why I keep messing up after good periods of being gamble free. It doesn't make any sense.
Take good care of yourself.
Stephen
THIS DIARY HAS FINISHED
LOVE & BEST WISHES
STEPHEN X
Hi Stephen,
Why we tend to run away when it hurts? In my own personal experience, such approach never helped...I simply isolate more and run into heap of more problems. Cannot speak for you and as you know - we are all different.
My counsellor told me something which i wasnt sure if to believe. I kind of stick to realisation & acceptance of being a CG all my life, living alongside addiction. But she , i guess paraphrased it in other way.
"Eliminate the triggers and the core reason for your compulsive behaviour, find a new way to deal with those and compulsion will be almost non existent...simply because you will have other ways to process and act on those urges/ compulsion. You will DEAL with problems instead of turning for escape".
So what are your triggers? I am aware we are all different in this regard.
I am also on the road to find a new path in life. It is indeed to do with learning to live healthy again.
It's all about reining that mind of ours into different thinking. It's true what they talk about retraining yourself.
I almost sound like preaching here. I don't want to push you or tell you what to do. I do not know what you faced in your life and how this compulsion arose.
Kindness to oneself must be a priority. Same as you being kind to others....you should be kind to yourself too. I know its not always easy but learning such self care is the right way forward.
I guess what I'm asking is you to be kind to yourself. Whatever decisions you will make going forwards, keep this in the back of your mind "I'm only human, i make mistakes but I too deserve peace and happiness". Try and allow yourself that peace, reach out for support accordingly, its a lot easier to do this with someone by your side instead of going solo.
Thinking of you.
Best wishes
S&B xx
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