My recovery diary - journey out of the abyss

Thanks for your comments. As people and CGs too though we all have different things which make us tick. The bookies thing may sound like lunacy, but I thought I’d be ok as I did it on purpose and just after joining up here. It will hopefully put me in good stead for more difficult scenarios, for example if I go shopping and have to walk past a betting shop unplanned.

Day 4 gamble free today. Still yet to feel much in the way of urge, but I know it will come on in due course, particularly in a couple weeks when a certain festival is in full flow. Will be tough as there is a betting shop between home and work, but hopefully will be ok. Had what could be deemed as a minor slip today when I went on the sportinglife website to see what they had to say about a horse that I knew before was running tomorrow. Didn't bet or anything but the behaviour won't help.

Going to chill tonight with some telly and might go to the gym depending on what time I have dinner. Stay strong folks!

Yo, well done for not putting a bet on. Temptations are bloody everywhere . You could self cancel from that bookies before the festival, just s thought . Proactive approach to this addiction , helps keep the urges at bay . Coz I know from experience that the diction can find the smallest crack in a door to worm its way back to get us to do its bidding. Take care, keep the faith ......Shiny:-)

You're d**n right Dustyfairy. I love my football, but it really is ridiculous how many gambling adverts there are. You can watch games sometimes where both teams would have different gambling shirt sponsors and then more companies advertising on the boards next to the pitch, all in the camera shot at the same time! Advertising like that hasn't really affected me, but it certainly doesn't help and I know it would affect others.

Day 5 today - working from home. Last night's gym session was good - I let it slip as I got back into gambling for the last couple months but that's it, I am recommitting to it. My work/study has been awful for ages and I feel like I let myself get too comfortable. I've been applying for loads of jobs the last 5 days and I just had an email about career development in my current job. I have applied for that too (some sort of managerial programme), something I'd have never done before.

Everything happens outside of the comfort zone so this is the kind of thing I need to do to develop myself as a person and get out of this rut I'm in. Stay strong everyone

Day 5 nearly done and dusted safe in the knowledge that I am self excluded/deposit limited from every gambling site I know and I'm not going out later so won't feel an urge to go bookies/casino etc My issue tends to be chasing once I start playing rather than actually feeling the urge to try every gambling site around. Once that certain horse festival finishes though I will apply gamstop as most of my antepost bets are on one well known site.

I've just learned that one of the antepost bets I mentioned in my intro thread (one I did in shop) is a non runner - this means that in a couple of weeks I will actually have to go into a bookies to get the £10 back. It should be a good test of how I'm doing then, should be able to walk in and out without temptation hopefully.

Looking forward to getting back to the gym tomorrow. I'm a bit achy after last night as I hadn't been for a while so will have a night off tonight in front of the tv watching football, and ignoring/getting angry at all the gambling ads.

One of the things about recovery is the financial aspect. Weeks seem to go by slowly and it takes a long time to save up and pay off debts/get back in the black. However I like to counteract this by thinking back to memorable moments that were a year or two ago etc and can remember them like yesterday - it shows that in reality it's not as bad as it seems at the current moment.

Stay strong x

Back to day 1.

Since I've been gone I've given another go of trying to stay in control betting on sports and stay off casino games. Of course it didn't work. Whilst I'm ok with betting, it just invariably leads to casino stuff. It's true what they say about comparing it to letting an alcoholic have just 1 small drink... still using.

So that takes me back here. Told parents that I've relapsed since last time but am trying to stop and that's it now - last chance saloon.

No more excuses this time. Day 1

Ok, technically yesterday was day 0 as still 'played a fobt'. Played is a funny word... it's not fun is it, I think I will start just using the phrase 'lit money on fire' instead. Today is now day 1. I got registering with Gamstop last night - had to manually register but it's all in progress now. Bought 2 licences of Gamban for my laptop and my phone too. £20 a year seems reasonable enough. Bookies are depressing places. Once I start earning and saving money hopefully the feeling the need to chase losses will subside and I won't be visiting any of them but thats the main thing now that I'm blocked online. FOBT £2 thing coming in soon will be a saviour.

Anyway today I've gone to the gym, smashed out a back session and now feeling chilled. Will go back there later to do my cardio. Have tomorrow off from work too as had to use up annual leave before the end of March so will need to find something else to do.

Sorry to read you relapsed mate, keep trying , I’ve nothing else to add.

Day 2

A month after my dodgy tooth (awaiting an operation to remove it under general anaesthetic) got infected and I had to have two courses of anti-biotics, it has flared up again. Quick trip to dentists on payday to get a prescription so now I have a nice toothache and nauseating tablets to take, yippee! Still, I suppose it's providing a distraction.

Headed off to the gym and smashed out a much needed leg workout after that. Signed up to Netflix yesterday, only £8 a month surprised me! Watching plenty of stuff on there is a much needed alternative hobby.

No payday urges yet, but will see how it goes. I am not in dire financial difficulty with bills etc as I'm still living at home - I just need to save money to get out of overdraft and stay off the gambling - so therefore I will endeavour to not look at my bank account statement info. Not constantly checking 'available funds' (overdraft, so it's not actually even my money) may help a bit, rather than thinking I have a thousand odd 'available' to gamble with.

Yo, I suffer a lot with tooth ache . I use cuprofen and found it to be the only thing that will take the pain away . You can only buy it over the counter at Boots or major shops. Well done for finding other things to do , your positivity will defo help those urges . Take care ...... Shiny 🙂

Day 3 past without a hitch.

As I have said before, my issue is pretty much solely with roulette. The unusually large sports bets I have placed in the past have always been a result of chasing losses from the roulette wheel - I am absolutely fine if I do say a small lucky 15 and it loses, but with roulette I always chase the loss for some reason.

With that said, as long as I can stay away from casinos (quite a drive away and now no temptation, I have felt that feeling too many times of slumping back into my car driver seat or even worse walking out of a casino in London with the prospect of a 1 and 3 quarter hour train journey ahead of me and a £1000 etc loss on my bank account) I should be ok.

Bookies too - FOBT roulette has messed me up big time.

I haven't quite ruled out the idea of NEVER gambling again in any way shape or form. Was once said to me that there is a differentiation between gambling, being putting money on a roulette spin or lottery draw where it's just completely random and the payout isn't in our edge, and sports betting where the market is based on where peoples' money goes and with careful consideration you can find value and also make it part of a day out etc.

Obviously I have to tone it down though. I am in no position to bet on random weekday racing, like what is the point? But I have had thoughts of going to Cheltenham Festival next year with my old mate from school. As I've stated, I can enjoy betting and a day at the races is different to online/bookies where you can easily gamble on everything going. Racing is 1 race every 40 minutes and seven in total. I feel that having the discipline to quit bookies/online gambling (I have gamstop/gamban) for a year if all goes to plan, then I will definitely be able to enjoy watching a sport I love (I have always loved racing from a non betting perspective for all you naysayers out there).

Food for thought anyway. Enjoying a gambling free evening now with some music and minesweeper. Unfortunately no alcohol... d**n metronidazole!

Day 4 nearly ticked off. Was tempted to put a bet on today but got through the urge and then went to the gym without a single thought of making a quick stop en-route. Today was a push session (chest, shoulders and triceps for those who don't know), felt really good and a really positive feeling afterward. Tooth pain isn't an issue, but will have to carry on taking the tablets and then get on the hospital's back tomorrow as I could really do with getting the operation done before this potentially happens again.

Anyway, off to make myself another cup of tea and then continue watching 'Sunderland Til I Die' on Netflix.

Day 6 nearly ticked off and not having urges to gamble. As said in my day 3 post, I'm planning to go Cheltenham next year and my mate has confirmed he's happy to go so hopefully will sort out the details. For me, this is ok. You need to understand that different people have different issues and mine is solely with casino games. I'm wary that betting on racing in-shop/online leaves me very open to having a relapse and seeing the casino button or FOBT so will really really restrict myself from bets in-shop and I have both Gamban and Gamstop in place. A relapse for me would constitute doing these, but I have also told myself I will not bet on pointless stuff, so no bets on football or racing whilst I am at home just out of boredom. I've always wanted to go Cheltenham so will restrict myself to just doing that next year and staying away from other stuff.

Well Cheltenham was fun, and I didn't pick up the corona virus!  But I will not be returning next year.

I also had a wonderful holiday to South America at the end of January, returning mid-February just before it all kicked off.

Anyway, throughout the rest of 2019 I gambled a lot and once again found my bank account in disarray.  Covid came as an absolute blessing with the bookies & casinos all being closed, but on April 22nd, I found myself getting back on just about the only site left that I could think of.  Made a big profit, enough to sort myself out if I had called it quits there and then, but have spent the whole of last month depositing everything away and then some more.  I've now self-excluded off the last 4 sites that were open to me.  

I would have had a lowly four figure sum had I not gambled during lockdown, but once again, savings are zero.  I'm fortunate in that I have no credit card debt/credit cards whatsoever and my only loan is to the parents who helped me out of my bank loan mess a few years ago.  I took a look at the MoneySavingExpert forum recently and a few stories on there serve as good reminders of a) my position isn't too bad and b) it will be if I continue.

A work opportunity has also just arisen and if I can get this job, it'll certainly help my ability to save money.  If not, then I just need to take a day at a time and savings will look after themselves as I'm still fortunate enough to live at home and have little outgoings, but as we all know this is easier said than done.  I then hope to have enough to move out.

Anyway, today is day 2 and I hope to make it a lot longer now.