Hi all - I'm R, my story is below. This is the start of my diary.
Ever since I can remember I've been gambling in one form or another. I must of started playing fruit machines when I was around 12-13 at a holiday park, and ever since then I got the gambling bug.
I started playing online slots before I hit 18 - and even back then I knew I was betting more than I should (even without being of legal age...). I never really had a problem back then, I think I was more just intrigued and naive.
At some point I started playing a bit more - but if I won I stopped, and if I lost - I wouldn't gamble for another few weeks, I didn't get daily urges, maybe every couple of weeks I'd be bored and suddenly think of gambling as something to fill the time.
About a year ago I got struck down with anxiety out of no where - my social life was full on, out every night, and then boom - one morning I woke up and I had severe social anxiety. I couldn't even go to the shops without having a panic attack. I've attended CBT lessons and myself and my counseller came to the conclusion that it was probably brought on by stress from work.
Somewhere in the last 6-8 months I started gambling a lot, every day. It's probably an easy excuse, but if I didn't have the anxiety - I don't think I'd be writing this. The frustration and stress of not being able to socialise like I use to, not leaving the house unless it was to go and get food/essentials drove me mad.
My biggest loss was about 2-3 months ago. £3,000 in one session, and like normal, it started off as a tenner, then I started to chase. I ended up driving round to my parents house at 12 midnight in an absolute state and told them how much I'd lost - but instead of telling them I'd developed a gambling problem, blamed it as a one off on the anxiety.
Fast forward to now, after telling them it wouldn't happen again, bar a period of 7 days, I've gambled every day since. Even the very next day. 4-5 hours ago I lost another £500.
I am determined to stop gambling from this point onwards. I realise that I still have a good chance to escape relatively unscathed. I'm 22 with my life ahead of me, no debts, savings in the bank. I will not allow gambling to get me down no more.
Hi noideawhy2,
Your history does mirror mine when I was younger. You need professional help. See your GP and discuss your mental health situation. There is light at the end of the tunnel and with the right help you will turn the corner. Discuss your gambling with Gamcare and they can off free counselling for that side of things.
Get the blocks on gambling sites. Download K9 and get someone to set the password for you so you can't override it.
I use the 2015 challenge on here and it's keeping me "clean". Please see below for some info on urges taken from that thread.
Coping with urges
A difficult week for some is coming and I hope we all get through it without any urges. However if you are struggling have a read of this. I found it here, https://www.gamblingtherapy.org/urges
How to cope with urges.
For many individuals, the crucial problem is coping with urges. In order to cope well with them, it is usually necessary to understand them accurately, rather than in the distorted manner of many addicts. Some common distortions about urges are that urges are excruciating or unbearable, that they compel you to use or act, that they will drive you crazy if you do not use or act, and that they will not go away until you use or act. Some individuals are confused enough about their own thinking that they have a difficult time identifying distinct urges, and simply think of themselves as behaving a certain way "because I like to."
In actuality, urges can be uncomfortable but they are not unbearable unless you blow them out of proportion; they do not force you to do anything (there have probably been many instances where you had an urge but did not act), they have not driven you crazy yet (and will not), each urge will go away if you simply wait long enough, and there are periods between urges which become increasingly longer if you stop.
Although during the initial days or weeks of abstinence or moderation, especially after a long period of daily addictive behavior, you may experience many urges of strong and even increasing intensity. Recovering addicts of all types report that urges eventually peak in frequency, intensity, and duration, and then gradually, with occasional flare-ups, fade away. How long it will take for urges to peak, and how rapidly they will subside, depends on many factors, including the specific addiction, the length of the addiction, how successful the program of abstinence or moderation has been, and the strength of the developing alternative lifestyle. However, as a very broad guideline, within six months to one year most addicts will report only feeble urges (for instance, one a week, lasting a few minutes, a 1 or 2 on a 10 point scale).
It is also crucial not to take responsibility for the occurrence of the urge, but only your response to it. It is normal for any addict to experience urges, and just because on Sunday you decide to stop does not mean that on Monday you will not have urges. The fact that urges occur does not indicate that your motivation is weak, but that your addiction is strong. Because all habits have unconscious components, of which the urge is one, it will take time for these to die away. What is within your control, however, is how you respond to the urge. An analogy could be made to someone knocking at your front door. All sorts of individuals might knock at your door, but it is up to you to decide with whom you will talk. Their knocking is not your responsibility, but to what extent you choose to speak with them is.
Specific techniques for coping with urges include the following:.
When an urge occurs, accept it, but keep it at a distance. Experience it as you would a passing thought, one which "comes in one ear and out the other". Detach yourself from it, and observe and study it as an outside object for a moment. Then return your attention to what you were previously doing. If the urge is intense, remember (and perhaps picture) your benefits of stopping/cutting back (which can be carried in your wallet or purse). Recall a "moment of clarity", a moment when changing your addictive behavior seemed almost without question the right course of action. Think your addictive behavior through to the end:
Just seen your post on the other section re online blocks. Forget the K9 advice then.
Cheers
1 week down! I've focused my extra time not spent gambling on exercise and feel a lot better generally.
It's amazing how I used to check my bank account every few hours, calculate the money I had coming in and out etc. In the last week I've checked it once. Also great to not see endless daily deposits to different sites, I can see where money I'm spending on every day things is actually going!
Probably had a couple of days over the last week where urges have been quite strong, usually due to stress/frustration with work/other stuff.
Now for week 2!
!!!
3 weeks today, had a stressful couple of days and just stupidly deposited. Back to day 1..
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