Online slots...

Thank you for your response. Of course it could just be my age.

Anyone seen Barry

Hugs xxxxx

Just realised I passed through the 3 year gamble free mark over the weekend ......when I first joined here I simply couldn't imagine my life not revolving around those online slots. ....couldn't imagine my life ever being normal....
Couldn't imagine friends and family forgiving me....trusting me...respecting me ever again. ..
Why would they ....I couldn't even look at myself in a mirror ...
Couldn't imagine having savings...having no debts...
Couldn't imagine being able to answer the phone....or the door without bricking it....
Couldn't imagine not dreading the post everyday...
I thought the slots would give me.....
Total refurb of home
Weekends away
Trip abroad
New cothes
contrubution to Daughters wedding
Getting son on road
All the things I thought that big win would give me.....
Those online slots STOPPED me doing all those things....
Now.....since I've STOPPED ...I'VE done all those things ....and many more.....
I can look in the mirror. ...and like who I see.... ( minus the wrinkles)
Family ...friends....it's all healed...it's all in the past....I'm strong....I'm confident....I'm at peace with myself....
As I've said many times....I'll always respect my addiction. ..I know I'll never be able to say " job done"....and simply forget it ever got a hold on me......and I'll
always be keeping an eye out for it to rear it's ugly head....
But today....I'm happy with how my life is.....nothing fancy....just that normal life I always wanted...
I still like to fly in and out of here...offer advice if I can...it's soooo sad to see so much pain in New posts....so much fear. ..
I wish I could offer a simple answer to you all....
In the early days we all want everything fixed immediately...everything sorted and Back under control straight away.....it's immpossible....it really is one day at a time....
Listen to what you're told on here......people who have walked in your shoes really do know...
I did. ...and it's worked.....it can for you as well.....
Xx

What a great post to read loxxie!

Well done in all you have achieved!

I will be forever grateful for support you have given me.

Sarah x

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Well done and a great inspiration to so many, we may not be on here as much as we used to but your diary will always tbe here for others to read and take inspiration from Love Ya xx

Hi Loxxie,

It's been great to follow your journey back to a normal way of living without having to have gambling as a coping mechanism. How important would you say that the counselling was in your journey to recovery? Did it give you the tools to deal with life on life's terms and give you a new perspective? X

Hey Loxxie :)) .

Just a quick one ( not what your thinking ) :)) to say hi , thank you for the lovely welcome back and to promise a catchup in the next day or so .

Fish frying beckons and I need the money :)) .

Talk soon hun xx

Told you I'd be back :)) .

How the devil are you Loxxie ? Hope all's going well in the wild west and the pub's filled to the rafters with thirsty yokels after some quenching liquid or maybe like me at this time of year it's a little " Hit or miss " ?.

As youv'e read life's ticking along nicely and thanks for the drop by on my diary , you knew I'd be watching from afar didn't you but not with binoculars in a creepy sort of way as that would have been just wrong :(( .

Had a strange night in the shop tonight and lost it a bit with a couple of youngsters ( little sheets really ) that seem to pop up and plague me from time to time . They came in hollering and just being a pain and I told them to leave which they ignored , so as I opened the hatch in the counter to escort them from the premises one moved to the door while the Brave or foolish one as I like to call him sat at one of the tables and decided to poor vinegar over the table , I moved toward him when he decided he would drink from the vinegar bottle and that's when I came to his aid , took his hand and helped him squeeze as much vinegar as he could catch in his potty mouth , saying take as much as you like :)) .

The other one then fell right in my trap of witty remarks by sayin " That's assault " and yep youv'e guessed it I replied " No it's vinegar you d....ck " Get in !!! that's one in the bank for the National federation of Fish Fryers ( mini fist pump ) .

Not all superheroes where capes Loxxie , some just appear in Chef's whites and Cheqered trousers :)) .

Have a great evening Loxxie and I bet youv'e missed this ( Tee Hee ) xx

3 years to the day that my hubby was told about my addiction ...and a few weeks over 3 years since my last gamble on the slots......
I had feared and dreaded him knowing my secret.....convinced myself he would go mental....be disgusted with me etc etc...
Looking back now....he was more shocked....flabbergasted that I could get sucked into an online slot machine....and yes...there were harsh words from him...conditions laid down...plans made...silences. ..awkward moments....tears..questions...
But I remember the relief....the weight lifted....the problem shared. ..i had already stopped gambling....got a triangle in place...seen a counsellor via here...spoken and agreed payments to those I owed....so I suppose this all helped him understand that I meant what I said.....about fighting my addiction....
I literally fell across online slots via an advert on internet....thought I would take a look.....played the demos ....started 1p stakes.....and we all know the rest....had a good win early on.....and so it started....
As a couple ...we had always had debt of some kind....for years..probably all our married life...it started when I went on maternity leave with first child ( over 30 years ago )
Down to one wage.....I never said we were short....he never asked..
Peter to Paul.....all those years....
I should of told him....he should of quessed ?
It made me angry he wasn't pulling his weight fiancially. ....but then....I never told him how I was struggling with family finances. ...
Sooooo ...that win....many years later......slate all clean....first time ever.....
My addiction then had a hold on me.....convinced me....you'll win more....you can leave you're unhappy marriage and start on you're own.......that nice clean slate soon was gone....bills unpaid...debts coming out my ears.....
Add to that.....prem grand children...hubby battles cancer..
I snap....realise with adult child's help....I need to face this head on....and I did....
I lived on this site 24/7 to start with.....thought things would never improve.....that I would never feel good about myself again......
I always said I wanted to "sort things....get strong...get a plan in place before hubby was told"....
And I did.....right or wrong ? I don't know....but it worked for me.....
Told him basically what you've just read.....he listened ....we talked....we sorted things...
Noooooo secrets now.....we both share household finances. ....I don't hide bills.....there just paid....
I'll never be sorry I became an addict. ......because without all the things I've been through because of it......I wouldn't be who I am now.....or feel how I do now.....
I'm rubbish at expressing what I mean in words......so I hope you all get what I'm trying to say......
We all arrive here broken....scared...skint...ashamed. ...thinking things just can't possibly be put right.....they can....and they will.....
If you face your an addict. ....and fight it ....
As in my first post.....
I'll pray my strength continues xx

Loxxie my dear,

Proud to have walked alongside you in your journey. Your diary is a true honest account of how you dealt with it and i laugh at our chats on FB.

Sure the brickie will be along in a bit as its wet out there and he will have had his feet up. Plus martin (barry) might make cake.

Hugs and tight lines xx

Hi Loxxie my darling :)) .

Just caught site of the post you left on mine and then noticed yours and apologies I'd lost track of time xx Three years eh , who'd have thought :)) .

Great post Hun and shows exactly how far youve come , we now all know that thing's can be fixed , long may you and the rest of the gang continue . xx

Thank's as always for your support and this is sent with much love and respect to you and your's , as Bal said " Proud to have walked along side you " .

Alan xxx

Talk to you soon :))

What a great inspirational post loxxie. I will forever remember your kind and comforting words when I arrived here on this forum. What a journey you have been on. I read and re read your posts. Thank you again, Youre a gem.

Sarah

Hi Loxxie, I’ve been reading through your posts and others who have commented, your story much like my own but you are so so much further along the road than me... I need to reset my counter to zero but I feel so ashamed of myself yet again. I’ve put blocks in place now as I know and have proven I cannot just do it with will power - in our world it doesn’t seem to exist! Keep up the posts to help me and others stay as strong as you and help with stories from your own journey ... every day is a new day, today is mine! 🙂 Kaz xxx

Here it is! I'm using the 'magnifying glass' icon at top to try and find things!

Ahh , thought I’d be quicker but MGR beat me to it ? xx

Ohhh. ...I found you dear diary....? well....actually old friends mgr and mr fish did !

THANKYOU .....???

Blimey. ...not sure I'll adapt to this fancy set up.....but hey ho. .change is good ....but I reckon it will take me a bit of time to start wizzing around here...anyway.....all good in my world .....just never enough hours in day.....the amount of stuff I get done now.....makes me realize how many hours I sat glued to my laptop....and those online slots .....it's a wonder I've not got a flat a*s ???....seriously ....i cant imagine being suffocated by my addiction anymore ....long may it leave me in peace....