Out of the shadows

Posted this time

Here's my Boy , my long lost son returned from the wilderness to see his old dad :))

You should be proud , 103 days is no mean feat ?.

If it works for you one day at a time and it keeps you safe from gambling , then stop whinging and enjoy what you have , thats the name of the game " To stop Gambling " and for 103 days you have , the best thing is your learning as you go , you spot the signs and you know the triggers and what makes you feel the way you do and thats a massive step in the right direction , recovery doesn't have to by any book , do what works for you and what makes it doable , and more importantly do what makes you happy .

The main thing I've found about mine , is that my heads in a far better place these days and I'm more able to cope with life and that all combined makes me a Happy Bunny !! .

Nice to see you out and about again Mate :))

Talk to you soon Deeeeeno !! x

I did wonder how long you were going to keep us in suspense 😉

I do understand what you are saying, I seem to have glossed over my foul moods (nothing new there) & the being @ a loose end a lot of the time (hence I pretty much moved into Cyber Space) now & quite possibly @ the time (I don't have the energy to look back @ my diary) was just so flipping greatful to be gamble free that I could find good in every day! Am I cheating? Maybe! Most people who do recovery properly have counselling/GA/generally do a proper bit of soul searching with nothing to protect them from the feelings that gambling has masked. I'm still skipping along in la la land with my addict's brain telling me I'm different (not that I can control it, I know I can't gamble anymore just that I only did it for love, not to hide from the smelly brown stuff)! You have had the sense to look for help before it broke you, before you lost these people around you now that don't understand because you never destroyed them! Not being so broke you couldn't afford a 1p sweet has given you a different starting point, suddenly being able to buy Supernoodles (& not the Asda own brand) wouldn't give you the same 'buzz' as someone dragging themselves up out of the gutter so maybe you've come into recovery @ a different point? A point where it takes hard work to get anywhere & sometimes it feels like all you want to do is nothing because everything is blah but you're here & you're abstaining & we can't do recovery without that! I know nothing about recovery, I'm still quite possibly milling about somewhere near the bottom rung but I'll take it because I'm not scared of failing anymore, of throwing away everything I have & being homeless. I feel much better these days.

Addiction is calling you back for a reason, to destroy you! Don't let it. Stay stubborn Deano - ODAAT

No grief from me I ain't got the energy you're always welcome back even if you have had more comebacks the George Forman and more diaries than W H Smiths in the January sales just do my a favour if you do go leave you're diary for others to learn from.

As always KTF

Hello Buddy , how you doing today then ? Just thought I'd say hi while I have time as its a bit manic at the moment what with all the tourists catching ferries to everywhere .

I expect your glad your back though ? , however I really dont know how you put up with all the abuse posted to you , such as the above diarist ? :)).

Realy no need to keep refering to George Forman and W .H Smiths in such a fashion , I think he'd be better off refering it to having more episodes than the " Walking Dead " or your diary dissapearing more times than the " Invisible Man " and if I were you I'd jolly well hit the " Flag this as abusive button " as soon as I could :)).

Great to be back eh ??

Take care Mr D xx

OOOOH !! No need for that was there ? Do I owe you an apology ? :))

Yes you will find out my real name , it is quite similar to the one I use on here actually , although I am Spanish and my name's Alonso , Juan trienta cinco ( work it out will ya) and yes I know one is pronounced uno but Juan sounded much better :))

I think Martin gets his whit and sarcastic remarks off of the beer bottles he's finished with , I worked that out coz when he not at the club or in his shed he doesn't come out with them , it's a bit like Poppye with his spinache !!.( just pictured him rummaging around for a discarded empty that he hasn't ripped the label off already ) . Alright Martin ??? :))

8008ynewbie ? thats got a ring or Newbie8008y ? your 8008's look great either way around Deano :))

Everybodies story is the same. How we change the ending is different. Whenever you have expressed yourself or allowed yourself to be seen i have identified with you greatly. Kisses

Edit

Deano.

Well done on writing the above mate to which i only wish to add one thing.

Go visit the grave please.

My first wife passed away 14 years ago at the age of 32. She is buried at a nearby church. I havent been to see her in a while but this week i did and i howled my eyes out. But do you know what - things became clearer. I talk to her, i rant at her and i curse her.

But once i dry my eyes things become better. The urges have been stronger the last month but after my visit the fog has lifted.

You may need to do the same mate. Might just clear a new path for you.

FB me if you want a chat.

Your friend Bavalar x

Couple of fine posts their guys. I think visiting the grave is a fine plan Deano

As Dan told me on day 68 and so recovery begins. Welcome to recovery embrace it.

KTF

What you don't let out or let go of you hold in Deano and youv'e been holding that in for long enough my friend , I'm just going to agree with everyone and say that You need to do it , you need to go and visit the grave and have a good cry and lay things to rest .

Iv'e often done the same with my dad who passed away when I was 19 and he was 47 , sat where his ashes are scattered alongside mum and just had a good rant , I've cursed him loved him and cried my eyes out doing it and B's right , you get some real clarity and freshness when you walk away .

Lot's of thing's been holding you back from moving forward and the biggest of all is probably you ? .

Thinking of you Buddy x

I do my snivelling @ the stars coz that's where my little sister is (if there aren't any, Mummy is sleeping)! Your family were wrong Deano, crying isn't a sign of weakness...

"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not a mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition and of unspeakable love." - Washington Irving

He will know how much you care anyway but go say your goodbyes! You're a good man, time to start your healing - ODAAT