This is my first attempt at posting anything. I am not new to facing a problem with addiction after many years of substance misuse. i found recovery. With in the last year gambling has took a hold of me and slowly progressed. I have reached the point this month after getting paid on the 28/9/17. I spent the whole of my wages on fruit machines. Knowing full well from experience i could not win because whatever i won would never be enough. I manage to go through the whole month with out gambling then payday comes and its on me the obsession to gamble. Up to now i have not got in to any major debt from gambling, But i know if i just think this will go away i am lying to myself. My head is very good at that. ( just this once) what a joke. Once i start i cant stop. One word springs to ming powerless when i start. So today is the second day since i have gambled. not been an easy day had to work. Also due to having spent all my wages i have given up smoking. Turning a negative in to a positive is the way forward, after all it is stoptober. I have now reached out and spoke to a sponsor i have for my substance misuse told my partner. Joined this website. Put a post up and thank you for the advice much appreciated. next payday i will be ready. One day at a time is a common saying for me, but i also have to put the action in.
Hiya Jon you are definitely in the right place start to put blocks in place and give your partner your bank card try only have money you really need is dinner money for work or bus fairs ect.i am quite new to these gamcare recovery diaries but not being a cg I have done it nearly all my adult life I'm now 31 and with the help of you and many more on this site aswell as g a I am ready to stop good luck in your recovery and keep posting each day jft
Good luck Jon, take care and keep counting those gfree days.
Day 29
I have managed to reach and get past the dreaded payday. I have put blocks in place. Paid off most of my debts. And i am starting to focus on my recovery and put more effort in. One thing i have not had much of the last year is gratitude. I have been focusing to much on what i dont have. So i have been doing some inventory on what i do have. I am now starting to find some gratitude again.
A massive congratulations, 29 days GF and paying off your debts is no mean feat - you should be very proud of your achievements!
Day 31
Yesterday attended my first group session. Slightly apprehensive at first, but as it went on i found myself becoming more comfortable. Very useful session talking about cravings and urges. Next week will be looking at emotions, that will be a difficult group for me. Will still go through with it though. I ve come to far to start dodging things.
Today has been a good day. I have treated myself and brought some new clothes. As usual going through my local town the thought crossed my mind to go in to an amusement arcade and play the slot machines. I can remember how i was trying to talk myself in to it, just play the 10p slots and only spend a £10. If i had given in to it i would have spent every penny i had on me and i would now be sitting here at home with no new clothes and feeling guilty. And the cravings tomorrow would have been stronger to go back. So i actually feel good and have had a good day.
Went and paid my last debt which was caused by gambling yesterday. I had to return some money to my dad. He was ok considering i had avoided him for the last month. He also knows everything now and i have also told him that i am seeking help.
Tonight i have been invited to a play about addiction and prostitution i am looking forward to it. I will be trying to focus on the similarities in my own past behaviour. Inevatably there will be alot of similarities if i focus on the behaviours and not the subject matter.
As i said really good day today. More evidence in the bank to tell myself that i can challenge my thinking. Past the 30 day mark, so things are going well.
Back to work tomorrow for a couple of days, so no diary for a few days.
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
