Post-DFD

Just a quick update to say that June is continuing to go as well as expected. My post-DFD recovery is back on track.

Have a good weekend, all.

NT

Hi all,

Another quick update to say that two gambling episodes have now happened in June. After all, this is still a learning process for me and staying well, well away from gambling is not going to go away overnight.

The first one was 'good'. 'Good' as meaning that I came away with more money but I am no longer proud of this when this happens.

After the first gambling episode, I worked out how much I had lost in total in the whole of 2018 and this came to £88. This was an amazingly small amount and this also worried me hugely. I knew that I would go and try and see if I could turn this into a postive amount but the inevitable happened. I lost a lot, enough to know that there is no way that I can 'beat' the gambling companies for 2018.

But do you know what? That, I think, will be a very good thing. Yesterday, a few days after the second gambling episode of June, I set off in my car in the sunshine to do a running event. It was in a very unsafe area in terms of how accessible gambling establishments are for me but I left my debit card at home. I knew that I had to do this. I was out for around ten hours in total but I had a brilliant day out. A lovely lunch was consumed after the run whilst watching the England game and it was a lovely feeling knowing that I did not really care how much that lunch cost me.

It's days like these that I have to look forward to as long as stay well, well away from gambling. The dream of being in the black for 2018 is now firmly over and it is time for me to start moving on in my debt-free life.

I am less than two months into this new life and I am still learning.

NT

And to add to my update, the news that it could take two years before the £2 maximum FOBT stake starts does not surprise me at all. Like I said before, this does not make any difference to me but I have to ask the question...

...how long does it take to change x from 100 to 2? I remember that when I used to program in BASIC all those years ago, it took me seconds. What's happened to technology...?

NT

Good morning all,

Just one more gambling episode was done on the very last day of June and once again, I am going to try and make a new start now that we are in the second half of 2018. That gambling episode took a few hours and I came away with a small profit which has already been spent - I don't like being in possession of 'dirty' money for too long.

We are 7 days into the second half of 2018 and it has all gone well. I have a weekend to look forward to with the England game this afternoon in a lovely setting and a running event tomorrow which I know will be tricky in these sweltering conditions. But as long as I don't really care about the time, I will enjoy it. It is in an unsafe area and plans are already in place to counter this - I will be taking just about enough cash only, the petrol in my car is almost full and I will be leaving the debit card at home.

It's time to make these six months count for me as I have long-term financial plans to sort out at the end of this year. It is vital that I have enough funds in my account as emergency cash by then and I will only be in that position when I don't gamble. The DFD was over two months ago and hopefully this will signal a new start for me after a bit of a blip.

Have a great weekend everyone,

NT

13 days in and still, I have absolutely no desire to venture into any gambling premises.

I already know that I will get the urges at some point and it will be up to me to combat them.

I will make these 6 months count!

NT

Today is Day 19. 19 days of not gambling despite this continued gorgeous weather.

All is good and the second half of 2018 has started well.

But we all know that danger lurks around every corner. I am still absolutely flabbergasted as to how it can take two years to change x from 100 to 2. Heck, even a thirty-year old computer could do this in milliseconds!

But that’s not for me to worry about. My post DFD recovery is far more important to me.

NT

Glad to see you are still fighting a good fight NT. Keep it up! Look forward to that day when you can finally drop that "N!"

Best wishes,

Markman

The target to stay gamble-free for the second half of 2018 has now gone. I gambled today and I am yet another statistic - one of those people affected by the two-year wait to change x from 100 to 2. Well done to whoever made that decision to make it last that long, you have succeeded in making me lose a few hundred pounds to gambling companies today. Do enjoy your posh car buying and lavish meals in your mansion which has been paid for by vulnerable problem gamblers.

But seriously though, this is just another blip in my recovery journey. 28 days of not gambling is good for me and I am still debt-free. This is hampering my long-term goals, however, and it is up to me to ensure that my long-term goals are not affected. Continued issues with family health and the start of issues with my personal health certainly aren't helping but at the end of the day, it's only me that makes the decision to not gamble.

I could go on all day as to why it is so, so hard to stay away from bookies or arcades. Self-exclusion simply do NOT work as there are far too many of them in this rapidly declining country of ours. Bookies have contributed to the incredibly sad state of our high street. I know that the rapid progress of online buying has not helped but you do have to wonder why bookies continue to open and show their brightly-coloured shop fronts when pretty much everywhere around them are boarded up.

This takes me back ot a few years ago when I first encountered my 'favourite' slot machines games on the FOBTs which rapidly became a problem. I suggested that there should be an account set up in each bookie whereby you would need to log-in onto a FOBT in order to play on it. In order to self-excluded from every single bookie across the UK, all you would have to do is to close that account. And did they listen? Of course not. They laughed it off, citing the amount of problems this would lead to such as people without home addresses not being able to set up accounts (yes, indeed!) and fraud.

And as for my complaints about that awful yellow logo splattered about everywhere where the word 'FUN' is much more prominent than the word 'stop', they were simply pretty much ignored. Whenever I drive past these signs, I can only make out the word 'FUN' which makes me and other people think that gambling will be 'FUN'.

It really is so frustrating but I have to remember how far I have come in this journey of mine. I am now debt-free and I continue to be ... just. I know how much I don't want to be in this horrible situation again whereby I am applying for loan after loan when I should be thinking about my long-term future. I still have my mortgage to sort out, something that I have been meaning to sort out for a very long time.

The fight continues and I have to realise that the big boys and girls of the gambling world will continue to do everything that they can to ruin my life.

NT

Hi NT

I think you know, deep down, that there's no point in playing the blame card. Yes, the gambling industry is immoral. But blaming the industry, at this juncture, looks on the outside like a way of you avoiding taking full personal responsibility.

Can you say, hand on heart, that you take full personal responsibility? From your posts it doesn't sound like it. It reads like you always try and down play your relapses. People say don't dwell on your losses. OK, but at the same time, be honest with yourself. I'm not getting honesty from your posts. I'm getting down-playing, mixed with 'positive attitude'.

I'm concerned that you seem jaded. That your recovery has been reduced to a series of thoughts. Thinking (or even obsessing) about DFD. Or 'positive thinking'. Positive thinking doesn't work! You can't control your thoughts. Sure, think positively, but you'll only last so long.

Thinking strategies, such as positive thinking, are just another form of avoidance. A way of avoiding ACTUALLY tackling a problem. A way of avoiding actual change. Thinking strategies are particularly sneaky as they're dressed up as recovery. A wolf in sheep's clothing, if you like.

It seems that your recovery amounts to a series of proclamations. 'This time it's gona be different', 'this time I'm gona work to my DFD'. From the outside it looks like a 'nothing approach'. Basically hot air. Just words emanating from your mind - onto an internet forum.

Thinking hasn't worked. Putting a spin on the same-old hasnt worked.

You need to actually 'do something' different, and quite radical IMO.

Best wishes

Louis

These are wise words, Louis. Wise words, indeed. Never ignore wise words from someone who is just 12 days of being 2000 days of being free from gambling demons...

A few years ago when I was in the deep, dark days of my gambling despair, I would have not taken any of these comments on board. I would just have simply thought about my next gambling episode. Those days have now gone and I do feel that my life in general has improved immensely.

However, I know that I still have a very long way to go and yesterday's events proved this to a massive degree. It's interesting, really, as I read my diary entry from yesterday and I already know that a lot of it wasn't the real me during these days. I was still very much in 'coming out of the zombie mode' that we all know very well when it comes to gambling. Today, the aftermath is nowhere near as bad as it used to be and I have already made changes to my short-term plans when it comes to finances. It's comfortable enough and this is exactly where I want to be. Comfortable without the enduring stress. I have no anger against gambling companies as I know full well that all of this is a personal responsibility of mine. I am not playing the blame card today apart from the decision that I made to enter the first gambling premises. This was my decision. No-one elses', just my decision only. Today, I take full personal responsibility on what happened yesterday.

Yes, I am jaded. I am jaded by this never-ending fight of mine. I'm not sure if you are aware, Louis, but I have actually reached my DFD. This was over two months ago. I always knew that the post-DFD period would be tricky and I am proving to be right. Perhaps I wanted to be proved right? With all the terrible gambling-related decisions that I have made in the past, perhaps I want to be proved right on more occasions than the times when I have been proved wrong?

And yes, there is this danger of over-thinking. You are right. I do need to change something in my life. I have tried so many strategies that has worked for so many people on here - day counts, short-term aims, distractions from gambling, the list goes on. None of them have worked 100%. I say that none of them have worked 100% as some have worked to some degree or other but yesterday's events proved that i still have a great problem.

But what? I think that the main issue is that I am generally 80% happy with my life which is a lot more than some peoples' life perceptions. i love my job, I can now go on and really enjoy my holidays, I have shelter and food and my health is pretty good. Yesterday's comments about my health was pretty over-the-top and in any case this has improved to a certain effect today.

Again, I am in danger over over-thinking and this is something that I am trying to avoid. I share all of my thoughts on this personal diary of mine - something that I have done for over two years now - and this is now over 700 pages long with over 600k words. This has certainly helped me as I continue to live on my own.

I'll get there. I still have positive thoughts but there are nowhere as near as the fake positive thoughts that I had in the past on here when I first set up the yearly no-gambling challenges. Heck, I even lied on those pages myself!

Thanks again, Louis, for your thoughts.

NT

Hello all,

I am on holiday right now and unfortunately, I cannot say where I am. I would love to as I know that a lot of you would love to know the location but I have my reasons for this. It is a location in the UK where there is not a single gambling opportunity anywhere. No bookies and not even a fruit machine in any of the pubs that I have been in so far - I don't enjoy playing on those in pubs any more.

The reason for me not wanting to share is that I know that the vultures - anyone associated with gambling - will prey on this fact that do their very best to open something somehwhere where I am staying. I have stayed here before and I will continue to come here every summer for as long as this continues.

One thing that I really wanted to share with you all - and those vultures - is myexperience in a local pub last night. I am not usually a pub regular but I enjoy the odd drink or two from time to time. Having been out for the day, I set off to find a pub to down a pint and I found the local working people's pub. There was a football game on a big screen and I have to say that the atmosphere was incredible. The room was full of locals and dogs and there were children happily playing on the proper pub games at the other end of the room - pool, darts and even chess and draughts. Not once did I see anything that was associated with gambling. No fruit machines. No betting slips. I saw one person on his mobile phone at half-time and he was just messaging. People were talking. I was talking to strangers about the game.

This is what life SHOULD be like! The majority of the population of the UK don't realise how gambling has stopped pubs from being an enjoyable place to be. I won't harp on about how dangerous gambling opportunities nowadays is but I just wanted to share what life can be like without gambling getting in the way.

Unfortunately, my holiday finishes soon and I will be back in the dangerous area where gambling opportunities are simply everywhere. Only I can make the right choices and if I can, then I can stay here longer next summer. Living here is not an option due to the very high cost but at least I have a safe haven within the UK should I need one.

Hiya GT, I believe we supported each other years ago if my memory serves me right. (My memory is rubbish these day ha ha) I'm back, somewhat improved from the dark days. Does Delgirl ring a bell? x

Yes, I remember you DelGirl. 'Somewhat improved' sounds like the perfect phrase to describe my recovery journey. Onwards and upwards, eh?!

Hey NT,

Hope the holiday went well, glad to hear you have a safe haven, sounds like bliss.

Keep making the right choices, stay safe and strong.

Paulds

Hello all,

It’s been a while. Things have been OK. Not free of gambling episodes, unfortunately but I’m in a good place at the moment and ready to start again in 2019 with Monzo on my side. I am still debt free which to me, is amazing. Not having a family of my own or an abode which I deserve for the work I do in my career still remains the case, unfortunately thanks to my gambling ‘career’.

Just wishing you all a very Happy Christmas.

NT