This is my first day after the n times I failed to stop gambling. I lost more and only have XX in my pocket to survive for the rest of the month before I get my salary.
Start gambling from 5 year ago, just small amount of money. Then it started to be bigger when I got struggle with my job and find a way to make money faster. I realize that when I got difficulties in work, I go for betting and then I get depressed even more. The last 2 year, when it take 6 month for me being unemployed during COVID time, the issue went bad . even when I have a new job, I had too much pressure on work, and mentally blame myself for not good enough with some peer pressure when I saw my friends are more successful in life, while I cannot feel happy about I earned.
I end up having about XXX USD debt from friends and bank (credit card) now. With my salary, I can still somehow manage to pay back debt , but it will take a lot of time and I will have tight budget, why I still net to show to people that I'm normal, I can spend some money for stuff.... This job is so stressful that I would like to quit it and have 1,2 month for relaxing but my situation is not allow me to do so
I'm not brave enough to tell any one that I'm gambling addict. I'm about to engage with my GF next month, and my family already have a alcohol addict father & a drug addict uncle . My GF & My Mom are 2 closest people that I can talk to but I don't want to make them disappointed, and I'm afraid to lose my 4 year relationship, lose trust from Mom.
I try to explore mediation method in order to help myself to get through this bad situation
I will try to hide this secret from my friend & family as long as I can and hope that I can recover and stay away from gambling forever. will try to update here about the process.
Hope to receive supports, comments from the other
Day 2
I'm about to talk to some of my friends about my situation to get relieved but I failed to do so at the end, as she also has her own problem And it may be too much for her & and I'm afraid I will lose this friendship also
I'm scared that I'm too depressed that I cannot maintain my current job and may get fired. Then I will not be able to hide the secret from people . But to put more energy on work, it is also quite hard for me as I'm already get hit emotionally, mentally and physically because of the lost from the last time i came back with gambling 🙁
I talked to once of my friend and realized he did gamble also, but maybe not in my level. Tell him to stop as he also have small children . & I wish I can tell him how bad I became with this gambling addict . but still, not brave enough.
Feel like a loser. with all the money I lost, At least I can enjoy life more . I did not appreciate the happiness that I already have. I just jealous with other, look up to the one who did better. I hate myself so much !!
Hi thank you for your posts on the forum and well done for reaching out and taking that firs step. If you are in the UK then please come through to our helpline and we can talk through some further support options, if you are outside of the UK then you can access further support here: www.gamblingtherapy.org/
Please do not go through this alone,
Best Wishes
Forum Admin
Lauren
I failed again. When I had dinner with my Girlfriend in the restaurant and paid quite a significant amount through credit card, I felt really bad and one thing popped up in my mind saying that I can try my last shot to improve the situation somehow. It was a rollercoaster with up and down, and I end up winning some money last night . Woke up in the morning, thought that I could gain some more and eventually, I lost all the money I gained.
At least I stopped myself for having another shot, which can end up bring me to even worse situation, and hit my mentality hard.
Another restart, hop that it will be the last time haizz
Recent days, I relapsed a few times and I'm feel so bad about it . Luckily I ended up gaining a few hundred of dollar back. Up & Down , Up & Down and it made me feel bad mentally. I can stop coughing for nervous and I feel my chest got some push that made me had to breath. Hope that I can start fully recover from today, no more gambling . That was too much . I just can't bear the feeling that I lost that much.
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