Re-building My Life

Hey Tomso

Making the right decisions during the toughest of times, I think, really helps the motivation to continue what you are striving for.

I am in bed at the min with stonking cold/flu symptoms and I would just love someone to come and make me a lovely roast dinner!! ha!

Enjoy your meal out with your family - they matter the most! I am sure the running will really be helping also in more ways than one.

Take care and remain strong.

Feb.

Day 35.

No concerns for me with gambling at the moment, which is great. I have surpassed the 21 days without smoking and, again, I am enjoying recovery from being a nicotine addict (and the extra money).

I have definitely replaced the above two addictions with eating lots of rubbish. My eating is worse than ever and I have put some weight on, however, at least I can exercise and work the weight off again.

Tomso.

Day 38.

Doing well at the moment and enjoying life without the devastation of gambling. It is the mental benefits I get the most out of. I got paid today and didn't even notice because I thought it was next week. Amazing what 38 days can do.

Tomso.

Tomso

My friend I am so pleased life is treating you well.

It is truly amazing what we can achieve when we put our minds to it, you have superceeded your own weaaknesses, fella keep doing it.

most of all enjoy it.

It will only stand to improve, by removing the destructive things from your life.

Keep making the right choice.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hey Tomso,

Echoing Duncs here. Great to see you reaping rhe benefits of abstinence. May long it continue.

Be kind to yourself and keep making the right choice

All the best

Sandra x

Day 39.

Lots of new faces on the forum, which is great. It is amazing how you can sometimes see yourself in others when they first come to the forum. Sometimes there is denial, sometimes they think they are cured because they have got to a month gamble free. Sometimes you can only learn from you own mistakes. Someone else can warn you off but you need to experience and learn from your own mistakes. I think I have made enough mistakes and been on here long enough to fully appreciate my current run of 39 days. I will not take this happiness for granted.

Tomso.

Day 40.

Been out all day because we were getting some decorating done and the painter was coming at half eight. Torrential rain limited what we could do so we went to a soft play centre for the kids. Took the oldest boy to the football this afternoon - freezing cold - no goals.

Came home and no matter the amount of pre-warning the kids got themselves covered in paint by touching all the walls and doors that they were told not to touch.

Looking forward to quiet time (8.30pm) when the kids go to bed and I can watch some telly because right now Sophie the First is driving me crazy.

Tomso.

Hey Tomso,

I am glad to read that recovery keeps gifting you happiness and peace with yourself. You are more than worth it!! 40 days g free is fab, and I'm sure many many more on the way 🙂

Keep it up and have a lovely calm Sunday

Sandra x

Day 42.

Six weeks without wasting my life away gambling and I feel brilliant. I have also went over four weeks without smoking and I feel very good about myself.

I see so many positives and they are coming thick and fast. Every few days I seem to notice something different.

I got up at 5.30 this morning to go for a run. Totally amazing how you would think that you would be more tired yet when you get in your car to drive to work you feel so awake and bright and ready for your day. When I run in the morning I eat so much more healthy during the day. Double whammy.

Due to quitting smoking I see small changes in my mood away from the usual things you would expect. Take lunch at work for example. I used to go out at lunch time and smoke a few cigs. I have always been something of a secret smoker so would sneak off every day during lunch. Now I sit in my office with my feet up reading a book or closing my eyes and relaxing totally without noise or disruption. It feels amazing and for that half an hour I do nothing and speak to no-one. Just my private time to take it easy.

I think I will take some more of these good times. Why not they are free for all to enjoy. We just need to get our heads straight and make good decisions no matter how big the obstacles in front of us appear. It is all an illusion we humans are capable of so much more than we think possible.

Tomso.

Hey Tomso

Everything is all sounding really great in your world. I am so pleased for you and lovely to hear that your hard work and commitment to abstaining are really reaping the benefits!!

You are right, there are so many things that are free in life that can make us happy and put a smile on our faces. Take me for example yesterday. I have had one of my bedside lamps in the utility room for months now, with no bulb and the fuse had blown. I had left it and left it but on Sunday, I bought new bulbs, fitted a new fuse and Hey Presto!! The joy I got when I put it back in my bedroom, lighting the room up lovely - As the saying goes - "It's the small things in life".

Keep up your great work. You truly are reaping the benefits.

Take care and enjoy the rest of your week.

Feb.

Yo,

🙂 x100000000000

Shiny xxxx

Tomso

Fella I salute you!!!!!!!!!!

Abstain and maintain

And most of all Enjoy it

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Day 43.

I have just read an interesting debate between two regulars on the forum and I agree with one and not the other.

I think too often people want to dig deep into the reasons why they gambled to extreme. Most will say it is for emotional escape but sometimes I just think everyone wants to put a label on something. The one thing that I read on this site over and over again is that many of us gamblers show signs of compulsion in other areas of our lives. Why do we have to put it down to emotional reasons? Why can't we just accept that we are unlucky that we have a character trait that makes us all or nothing. We lack control. If you lack control with gambling, alcohol, drugs, eating etc you will do harm to yourself. Fact.

So I think I became an addicted gambler because I lacked control and when I started to lose I couldn't stop until I lost the lot. I kept going back because I was chasing losses and loved the thrill of the win and the excitement of the near miss. My lack of control ensured that this became a problem until eventually my mental state began to suffer and I started to withdraw into myself worrying about money and covering my tracks. This is enough of an explanation for me. I accept I have no control so must stop and stay stopped.

I don't think I need to replace gambling with anything else anymore than I need to replace my smoking. Both were unhealthy past times that caused more pain than joy. I became addicted to both because both are highly addictive and more so when you have a compulsive personality.

Shiny said to me recently in a post that we need to accept what we are. It was great advice.

It saddens me to read about people who are O.K. with losing money on gambling because they enjoy it. Nobody enjoys losing money. This is absolute denial.

Tomso.

Tomso

I agree that we need to accept what we are. But we can also look to change and improve what we are. Every addict gets something positive out of their act at one point.

World research with millions of addicts shows that all addictions stem from the person having a void in their life of some sort. If giving up the addiction allows the person to live without it and be happy, great. Nothing wrong with accepting that you are not filling the void. The addiction doesnt have to be replaced.

None if this is 'digging deep', its just acceptance of the facts of research.

Tomso

It is disappointing that you choose to respond to me with a critical post as opposed to just expressing an opinion like Duncanmac.

Perhaps it is better if we just avoid each others diaries from now on. I have not read your diary much for a while (there are other diaries I also avoid) as it does not help my recovery. As I've quoted to you before, from what I read, you have a great life with a bit of gambling problem thrown in.

I can assure you I am 100% genuine and every post I have made on here for 4 years is honest. I do not seek to wind anyone up, I merely chart my progress and express opinions and observations.

I have never sought to have complete abstinence and am happy to have got to where I want with sports bets only. I dont need to justify gambling on sports to you or anyone else. I choose to do that. You may not understand that, you want complete abstinence and I appreciate most do. I have continually said my current life status is down to bad decisions and circumstances. Only my financial position is down to gambling.

you have no idea how much effort I have put in with counselling, self-analysis, new pastimes, behaviour changes etc etc in the last 6 years. I have put as much effort in as anyone else on this Forum probably! My counsellors quoted that my addiction was as deep rooted as anyone they had encountered. There was no way I could have gone cold turkey on all of my problem gambling areas. I have no idea what state I'd be in had I tried to do that. It was always going to be a long haul, albeit much longer than I anticipated.

If you cared to read some of the feedback I have recieved, from newcomers and other users in general, they have given me much praise and have quoted how much my diary has helped them. My diary does not say gambling is 'allowed'. It just says complete abstinence isnt necessary if you only have a problem with certain gambling types. I dont encourage people to gamble. Only last week I advised yet another newcomer to go for complete abstinence. I appreciate that is the best route for the majority.

I dont seek congratulations from you or anyone else. Praise on here or in life in general should be attained not sought.

We are all on here with gambling problems to differing extents and types. We should all be equal.

For the umpteenth time I will make the statement 'I do not want complete abstinence. I have never sought this. Complete abstinence would not improve my life. Removal of gambling problem areas has not improved my life, only my finances. I dont want to be where you or others who completely abstain are '. If you cannot understand this fair enough.

Also if you cannot understand how I have managed to separate weekly sports bets from random. fair enough. It has not been easy. It has taken 6 years. I have re-trained my brain to live without it. I random gambled to escape from reality and fill a void left due to absence of other things.

Maybe you didnt gamble to escape anything or fill a void. Most do though.