Hi All,
I have never tried diary / blog type writing before but i am now willing to try anything, so here goes....
I am 38 years old. I have been gambling since i was 17 years old.
In the beginning everything was under control. I would bet up to 10, only on a weekend for football and horses. This pretty much continued as a 'normal', for several years. However when i earned more money, i would bet more, and from there it just seemed to spiral. The low came in july last year. We booked a family holiday and my partner ended up paying for most of it because i couldnt. I covered up my non payment with lies, however a month later she opened my bank statement and discovered the truth and laid down the law.
I promised to stop. And managed to, for a few weeks, then i slipped back into old habits, although not as bad. I would bet 5 to start with and then maybe 10 a week here and there. I kidded myself that as it was just 10 here and there i was in control, and it seemed to be ok, until last month.
Once i got paid in April, for some reason, i do not know why, i started back onto the online 'games' again. In the next 3 weeks i deposited over 580. Of course i won some back but the losses still amounted to over 350.
My partner has again found out. And furious is not the word. She says she deserves better and the man she loves is not the man she thought he was. And to be honest its hard to disagree with her. She says it is all my fault and the only person that can help me, is me. So i am trying. I have spoken to a counsellor. I had my first meeting with her last week and am meeting her again this week. Since i met her i have bet another 25 and hate myself. I phoned her yesterday and she gave me more advice and this time i think i have finally got the message. Last night i have self excluded myself from all the sites that i think i am a member off. That's 8 in total.
I have now signed myself up to this site and forum.
Hopefully the experiences of others will help me keep on the right track and when i get the urge to bet again i can write it down here to help others.
So far i am 4 days betting free and counting. Hopefully with all your support, and my new found determination to get my life back on track.
Thank you for reading my story,
James
Hi James
Just wanted to say welcome to this forum. Hopefully it will serve you well and you will definitely receive lots of advice and support to help you remain gamble free. A small piece of advice from me which has really helped me to remain free from any further gambling is to have K9 installed on my laptop and my mobile phone. It is free to install and you could ask your partner to put in a secret password so you can no longer access or remove it. I had my sister do this for me and I believe that this has really helped to stop me in my tracks when I had an urge to gamble. I am sure this will also help to ease your partner's mind if she knows you will not be able to access any online sites.
Good luck and take care and remain strong.
Feb.
hi james, welcome to the forum, ehcoing what feb says K9 is a real help for those moments of weakness as you are literally stopped in your tracks and unable to access them, i also wrote a letter to myself about exactly how i felt in that moment of despair and what i had to lose if i carried on (just an idea), but you have come to the right place for support my friend the people on here will be behind you all the way, im on day 14 an already know that this site and the people on it has a huge part to play in getting me here. read others posts and whenever you need to write your own whatever you need to stay gamble free stay strong and good luck.
jess
i used to promise I would give up every day and I failed numerous times but finally I turned a corner and yet still I would go back in a heart beat. But I will find peace someday as long as I remain gamble free.
thank you for your kind responses so far and for the tip on K9. i will get it installed right away.
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