reborn on the 4th July

Hi Castle,

Thank u 4 ur post on my diary. It means a lot 🙂

It sounds like u r going thru a tough time again... Made me smile that u took it out on the punch bag tho lol 🙂

U r such a strong person Castle, I know u will get thru this, u r rite taking it one day at a time.... I am sooo proud of u 🙂

U give me hope 🙂

Have a gr8 nite Castle!

Take care xx

.duplicated

hey Castle'....

Just sending you some extra thinks tonight...it sounds bit weird to say but i only said to my pal the other week..i feel like a lot of guys say they do whilst going through a divorce...

Always on shifting sands

No end to it and in limbo

Not knowing what i will end up with after its all carved up

Any advice costing money at every turn.

Can't plan ahead

As i've no kids i get no help at all from the state but pay my doggy maintainence which i do not begrudge at all..

I feel i can't get started with my new life until I know the full damage now I may loose on my old life.

Its the not knowing that i cant bear as it feels like falling further and further down all the time with no bottom or end to it....

i know what you mean too...getting a few bits saved then wiped out again in admin or invisible costs.

Im sure you must have felt that way too castle..xx

sorry for rambling ,,no words..just thinks ..and to say your not on your own with this as people understand xx.

KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON PUNCHING X

R and D xx

Thanks Rachael

Thats exactly how I feel from a financial point of view I just want it over no more letters wanting more money , what started out buy putting 1500 quid in at the beginning to be told in November they would be a few hundred spare by my 1st very young naive solicitor who then went on to leave to now av to pay an extra 400 in with still no end in sight , when its all done I will be writing to them with every mistake they av made and there are plenty but I know I can't react to it now I just av to accept it for now and pay , I know if I start to stress bout it the urges will come to block it all out and I simply can't afford to let that happen

Feel a bit achy this mornin from gym but not too bad and will def be goin again prob not till Friday now , the punch bag really did help and will be using it again

Other than that everything else ok , see what today brings

understand how you feel my friend and your wise in that you cant afford to have resentments at this point in the excercise as it will knock you off balance....

im the same...cant afford to go back in resentment as i have to keep momentum up to get through this bit now as its crunch time...'

Can't see an end just yet but just trusting there will be and that the hell will stop.

I cant go into counselling yet as it will stir up the hornets nest at a time when i have to be very routine and watchful of every step and penny.

I cant afford to go under emotionally.

Like you and solicitor c**k ups we have shelve those feelings as if we start bringing that into it now our old demons will return and we will not be focussed...

We cant afford to do anything that makes our immunity drop and have to be strong,defences up and resolve and still keep a 9-5 down and also in your case put on a brave face and motivated for little Jessica and for me to keep Dots safe and loved....

I could easily think f**k it and start on the red wine then start making mistakes and having more consequences...life doesnt go away does it for people in recovery.?..lol

Keeping the faith Mr C and also you are not alone ....sleep is my escape as its the only thing that blocks it all out.

R and D xx

Busy couple of days at work so a good solid couple of days , off tomorrow so back to gym and lookin forward to it , normally my days off would spend with friend from work but thats now all changed so its important to fill my time , seen her a few times at work and its so painful I really dont know how I can move on from her , when I dont see her I'm fine then as soon as I do its like a switch been flicked and all the bitterness returns its just so raw and hard , all I can do for now is not give in and I won't no way I'm goin back to all that pain and misery which sounds familiar from my gambling life , they say time is a great healer and I hope it is time will tell on that one

Again just need to get through today and see what tomorrow brings

"when I don't see her im fine"....remember that mr C as that is your meal ticket outta this....work is tricky but truthfully this too will pass..

just a suggestion but maybe get on the tinterbob sites if you would like a bit of company...there are many more than the usual suspects..and ones that have just social side like Nexus...pal of mine met her hubby there .

if its too soon then just ignore that suggestion....anyhow rate its going you might meet many familair folk on those sites..lol..

Seriously though...may take your mind off it all and be a way to move on...xxx

r and d xx

Thanks Rachael its something I should probably think bout but at the moment my heart is just not in it I wouldn't be able to go through with anything , hopefully in time things will change the one thing I won't do is go out looking I'm a big believer in fate and what's meant to be , I'm a real kind caring genuine guy and one day I will find that right person but its def something I dont worry bout

With Jessica and work it fills my time up and it leaves not a lot of time for myself but the time I do get I always say I dont appreciate it I am sure many people in relationships would love the chance to av an evening or day on their own to do as they please which yes is great sometimes but the flipside even though only a few hours it can be lonely

Off to school assembly for jess and think she has earned an award this week then off to gym then shopping b4 picking her back up again

So enough to keep me busy today

ok castle...and great your not worring..like you need more worries right now..

Evey old sock meets an old shoe....as the song says..I also think the same as i take being solo for granted and dont appreciate it..

Im happy with friends but despite being asked to things i am still isolating on here for now..

Hope Jess will be coming home clutching an award this morning x

r and d x

HI Castle,

Thanks so much for the post and happy new year to you and jess.

Micheal mcintyre does a great sketch about single people and people with kids, its true sometimes we dont appreciate our down time when we have it but im learning to "Just be" more now that gambling isnt part of my head or my life.

I also am a strong beliver in fate and it will happen when your ready and when you least expect it. What women wouldnt want a kind, caring, honest, genuine man.

Take care

Blondie

Hi Castle,

U give me so much hope, no matter wot life throws at u, even thru the tough times u do not give up... U keep trying and I know how important Jessica is 2 u and I know she will be so proud of u 4 ur hard work and determination... Did she get an award? I know whether she did or didn't there was one very proud Dad at the assembly!

U r a gr8 person Castle and I have so much time 4 u 🙂

Keep being u 🙂

Take care xx

Hi Castle

Thanks for your post the other day.

I know I don't post much anymore but I read the forum and your posts I at times don't feel I can offer anyone much advice as I fail all to often myself but like you I am a very caring genuine guy and we don't deserve sometimes what life throws at us but your a fighter and even though you have had a lot of stress and financial difficulty you and I will be rewarded with much happiness again because we never give in and we deserve it being lovely people.

Try and have a good weekend pal.

Wilsy

Thanks for post on my diary it means alot.this is a great site to recover from gambling only this time I must try that little bit harder.jst for today I wont gamble for a better tomorrow. Cheers take care

Scottyboy

Mixed day yesterday , jess got her badge for 50 merit points she has earned at school which she was pleased bout so to be there to see her get it was just as good for me as it was for her

Gym went really well took some headphones in and listened to music and the time flew by after went shopping and bought really healthy

Downside was someone phoned in sick at work last night and it left just 3 woman on and it was the guards day off so ending up working last night till ten and back on at 6 this mornin , where I work is rather rough to say the least 95 % are ok just the same minority that spoil it u av got to av eyes in the back of ur head all the time , caught one guy not long back nicking joints of meat was real nasty with it dragged him into back phoned police whilst waiting he calmed down and had a real good chat with him and he opened up the person who was violent and abusive 5 mins earlier was now remorseful explaining that he was a drug addict been forced to steal for is dealer by us catching him he would now be goin back to prison has he broke his parole , I av mixed views bout this u could see the guy was desperate and was an addict but he also had choices which sounds very familiar to myself I dragged myself out of a hole so maybe he should overall it certainly makes u think what life has taught me is not to judge easily people sometimes aren't who they are

With gambling I think we can all relate to that on that note must go works beckons

Catch up with everyone laters

hey castle...

You're right it does make you think ...sometimes i think prisons are full of the wrong people...in this case the dealer should be inside... not him...

but...he has choices and no doubt this guy is locked into a fear and intimidation cycle he feels he cant get out of...in a bizarre way at least in prison he's safe from the dealer and from using although that still all goes on inside....

good on young Jess too...she must be proud as punch and her daddy there too to see it all ..hope you got some photos and i know you will have shed a tear x

r and d xx